Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – High Waist Super Support Edition

Dear friends. My gracious, that was some gushing prose I spent last week on Wolford’s wasn’t it? And prose was not all I spent. I mean dropping $30.00 on a pair of tights that could ladder as quickly as a vampire runs from daylight would in the long run be, for me, financially ruinous. And that ruin would retard this noble and necessary study. We have come too far together for me to fail you now.

Well, I am an entire week more mature than I was last week, and I can see from this enlightened perch (or is it a slightly wobbly bar stool?) that clearly, I was then a much more easily beguiled and influenced young thing than I am today. My newfound and stately maturity did not come without effort however.

First things first. Aberrant Conditioning. Fearful of the continuing lure of Wolford, I watched “The Sound of Music” in its entirety 6 times running while consuming nothing but off-brand, made for the export market Tyrolean Chocolates. It worked. Today, even the thought of Edelweiss induces in me reflexive wretches of an entirely un-ladylike nature. It worked too well. I fear I can no longer enjoy the delightful and fruity Gruner Veltliners that have aged gracefully (often for days in fact) in my cellar before being quaffed with lusty abandon. Austria is completely off limits to me. But my savings are, well, safe.

Next things next. Test completely different Pantyhose. Something that might suppress the memory of my Wolford Luxe 9’s. And given the super elastic and confining nature of this weeks products, that’s not all that might be suppressed. The objects of my attention and affection are Super Support, High Waisted, Weaponized Body-Shaping Pantyhose from 2 favorite fashion vendors … L’eggs and Spanx. And so on with the review.

First up and over are the L’eggs Silken Mist Control Top Sheer toe Waist Cinching Shaper. Another fine entry from the working class hero of hosiery. The 17% Spandex panty that extends (after a nice little shimmy) to just below the bust line is a midriff smoothing, but not gut wrenching garment with similar feel to mid-range shape wear. At a fraction of the cost.

In an earlier post I waxed on about the feel and appearance of the Silken Mist line. Well no surprise, this model has all of the good stuff in the very sheer, comfortable and attractive leg. With one improvement. This weeks model has a reinforced upper thigh region that seems to solve the slight slackness of fit on the leg of the regular control top hose. Truly, a remarkable pair of pantyhose.

And, now on to Spanx. Sara Blakely may never know just how bright a torch I carry for her. And be assured it is not easy for a blond to make it past the velvet rope and into the slightly more darkly complexioned nightclub of my dreams. Truly this diva of the derriere should someday bring home a Nobel (Physics? Biology? Environment?) for her selfless contributions to eradicating visible panty lines with her Power Panty line.

The Sheer Leg High Waist All The Way Up Pantyhose marries the material magic of the Power Panty with a very glamorous sheer dress legging with some curious financial magic thrown in. These actually cost less than the standard Hide & Sleek line. Something has to give, but I could not find it --- at least in the panty portion. This is a well made and attractive garment. You will want to set your alarm clock about 5 minutes early to leave time for the divine struggle you should enjoy smoothing them up to full mast. There is none of the rubbery cling at the top that the L’eggs entry carries – just an elastic determination to fix in place and to not budge an inch.

The only negative I could find is in the leg finish. And this friends (and you especially Sara, dear Sara) is purely a personal preference. I love a silky finish. I want my legs to feel like caramel. And I think that in creating hosiery that will wear long enough to justify a $28.00 shaper investment, you have put your better work into durability at the expense of finish and feel. It’s a fine looking leg, but just a touch south of luxury, and to me, just a little less beautiful a feel than our more proletariat pantyhose partner, L’eggs.

With all of that said these are distinctive and wonderful pantyhose products, and I encourage friends to splash out and marvel at the smooth finish you will furnish under clingy things and ensembles you may be stretching just a tad here in the chilly, hibernating post-holiday months. And for those of you with a penchant for Zentai inspired confinement may I suggest that you may find some less expensive and more disposable additions to your wardrobe in this hosiery niche as well.

And on to the rankings. Sorry. I won’t be publishing the rankings. There is simply too little data. Additionally, the characteristics that this class of products needs to display are too, too different from what I look for in our everyday pantyhose. Beyond that, the very wide range in price makes comparing these makes the results table just look odd. I will, over time, find more splendid products in this category though, and hopefully present a more useful map of the high-waisted pantyhose landscape at some happy run-free day in our sunny future.

For the record, the Nordstrom Private Label sheers remains top of the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade charts for the 2nd week running. Next week, Calvin Klein swings her purse at Nordstrom. Feathers will fly. Please tell me your favorites in the meantime. I don’t need much encouragement, but I do like to know I have company.

Buff those nails girls – see you next time!