Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – It is all about Hue

With abject apologies to Cole Porter fans everywhere …

I’ve got Hue over my skin
I’ve got Hue, clinging to parts of me
From waist to the tips of my toes, they’re really a part of me
I’ve got Hue over my skin

I took care to not ladder them
So fine and frail that I walked in fear they would tear
But they have survived and thrived the test of my normal wear
I love Hue's over my skin.

I would sacrifice anything come what might
For a fine thing, the perfect dress sheers
In spite of the warning signs, that I own enough,
Enough now to last all my years ….

Yes friends, Thursday it is, and time for another high-steppin’ Pantyhose Parade. For newish visitors, a recap of the protocols. I like hosiery. I purchase a pair or 2 time to time. I wear them, and objectively as possible grade them so that we may some happy day possess a Rosetta Stone, a reliable periodic table, a statistically sound barometer of the relative merits of these bewitching garments that give so much and ask so little in return. I use a mathematical model as complex a those employed to bring Wall Street to its very knees last year to generate a Petra's Pantyhose Parade value, and have not yet received any kick-backs or threats of physical violence from the vendors I have subjected to my withering and/or longing glances.

So this week, as the poorly wrought lyric indicates, we have Hue up on the slab. Hue had always meant colorful, opaque tights to me. Lovely, useful items, but not fully in my fashion or editorial sweet spot. I was prompted to look more closely at this brand after noticing, in too much of a hurry to drop in, a Hue boutique in a nearby mall some weeks back. When I poked about the website, I found a much broader range of goods than I had previously perceived, including the stuff frequently featured here. The sheers.

Hue, as the name suggests is typically a brand more interested in color. You have likely seen massive walls of bright tights and funky leggings in your favorite shops and may have stayed away from them if you are more inclined, as I am, to dressier fare. Winter is coming on though, and great strides on the fashion tights front are being made daily, so perhaps it is time to broaden our horizons a little. More on that theme in a future post I am sure. But for now, a short review on the Hue offering for the pantyhose enthusiast.

Hue, as it happens, is a Kayser-Roth mills product. KR is the parent company, and Hue has a better known sister by the name of No Nonsense. No Nonsense has come in for some pretty harsh language from me in prior reviews. Truly a brand that brings out my own much unloved talent for caustic criticism. The net outcome of my reviews was that No Nonsense are the perfect fashion accessory for an armed robbery, or perhaps as a temporary fan belt replacement, and better kept off ones legs.

Nice to see, and to say then that Mr. & Mrs. Kayser-Roth have one lovely daughter. If they can forgive me for treating the other daughter coarsely, I would like to begin a serious courtship.

The tested product, the Ultrasoft Control Top is a 17 denier dressy sheer that straddles the day-to-night (ed. enough with the Cole Porter already…) divide confidently. With a subtle glimmer in natural light, that amplifies nicely under interior lighting, the leg arrives, announces and attracts.

Lets go to the name now: Ultrasoft. When you lead with “Ultrasoft”, they had better, and I mean better, feel soft. These do, curiously so with a practically downy feel to the leg, but to the hand, polished, sleek and glossy. Not often do you get the 2 feelings at once. Complement that with lightness and very sure wicking, and you get cool comfort which is a key consideration especially now in heated, dry indoor environments. Things can heat up quickly with those nice new boots on. You know the ones.

So, agreed, they look good, and feel fine. What else? Quality fabrication. Subtle sandal foot seam and clean finishing around the waist and through the gusset of a nicely firm, smoothing control top. Very sensibly, the Hue name is stitched into the waistband, making them easy to retrieve from crowded top drawers. The waistband sits, patiently, happily right at the waist. No roll. Nothing fancy or femmy in the private bits, no lacey or floral details to appeal to my aesthetic sense, and this is fine provided the best resources have been allocated to the look of the leg, and the comfort of the leggy. Which, I am happy to report they have. Abundantly so.

With a price tag of $8.00 ($7.00 each purchased in twins and trips) they are suitably priced for everyday wear, and do a better than everyday job at it. If you are a TJ Maxx shopper, keep your eyes peeled for these at a penny under $4.00. Unassailable value there, and still really good value at full retail. If soft is what you want, these will be your go-to-girls. As to the rankings, they earn a laudable 156.3 Petra Points and nestle into the middle of the pack at # 11 after a day nestled on my legs.

I am sorry to report though that they closed down that local shop. Walked by there hopefully the other day, and where once there was an ocean of nylon, lycra and general prettiness, there were dark lights. Was I too late to my realization? Again, Mr. and Mrs. Kayser-Roth, I beg your forgiveness.

Happy dressing and everything else….

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Year of Living Hosiery: Part 1

In December of last year, realizing that I needed regular features to return to in order to build useful, regular blogging habits, I started a still enduring Thursday feature, Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. I was not sure at the time what I knew, but was very sure what I liked and had forever.

Hosiery. Tights. Pantyhose. The sheer stuff dear friends.

Putting names aside for a moment, I am not hung up on the term pantyhose. For me it is too utilitarian a word. It does not capture the imagination in the same way that the garment captured mine, ensnared me really in my very young, very impressionable days. What an impression, One with me still, and I suspect, forever. Clearly, a name for this regular blog post was required. I settled on Pantyhose mostly because of the alliterative possibilities presented with Petra parading about. Thusly, was Petra’s Pantyhose Parade conceived.

I suspected that this was a deep realm, a cool fashion well that would never run dry. I saw in my minds thigh a sheer and endless river of nylon and lycra. I felt as though I could cool my toes in this glittering ocean ceaselessly. I believed, moreover, that if I took my time and made good notes, I could genuinely develop a shapely body of work, free of blemish, that might help us all make better, smarter and more fashion forward choices for our legs. Beautifying the world, one happy gam at a time. I have not been disappointed. I have now tested and opined upon 20 pairs, and the horizon gets further away each week. I do not lack for choice. Yumm.

I do lament however that fewer and fewer genetic women share this passion with cross dressers. Pantyhose seem to be thought by many to be a chore, only borderline comfy, and not in most circumstances absolutely required to complete an outfit. When given the option for bare legging it, many, too many do. Hosiery sales have been in decline for years, and outlooks don’t predict a rebound. That leaves less to admire for all of us, and the loss of a truly feminine touch in the everyday world.

From many comments on these posts, and correspondence with friends of this blog, I have learned that my passion, while pretty vivid, is not unusual. For many of us, this frail, powerful amalgam of inner and outerwear, this quietly private choice, this sometimes brazenly displayed enticement was at the very start and remains at the very heart of our sometimes difficult but always electrifying journey. This gossamer thread has the strength of Spiderman’s web and is perhaps stickier

So 20 reviews thus far. 20 is a good number: fingers and toes. Its time to pause and reflect before I lose count. General observations today.

Control Tops dominate the shelves, and as a result, the rankings. I sense that they dominate the shelves because clingy, body conscious fashions demand slimming effects, and if you look around, so do many too well fed, too poorly exercised bodies. Beyond that, I tested a good number of control tops because they do have a beneficial effect for cross dressers who, like me, pad up to achieve more attractive curves. Control tops help smooth it all out.

Wine and Pantyhose have much in common. I keep an army of <$10.00 wines on hand at home, and many of them I proudly present to friends. It is a relief that we live in a world where one can get comfortably tight with a $8.00 bottle, while comfortably clad in $8.00 tights. When you go south of $5.00 though, something happens to both. They are still mostly well made, employing state of the art technology and best production best practices, but they lack something. They lack finish. The finish element is to me, more than a certain je ne sais quoi, this quality is the very raison d’être of pantyhose. Be value minded therefore, but do not cheap out dear friend.

We are worth a little indulgence every now and then. There are special outfits, and nights when a spoil is good for the soul. At the very top end, the luxury vendors really are a treat. The highest scoring panty hose (Wolford Luxe 9) garnered an unassailable 47.4 out of an available 50 Petra Points. They felt and looked so good I could barely think. A $30.00 splash out is not a whim for me, but then neither is a $100.00 massage. The massage makes me feel better but doesn’t make me look better. The Wolfords do both and will last longer.

A Girl on a budget can look terrific. Our Gold Medal performer is in fact a $7.50 entry from Hanes (Silky Sheer Control Top) that can be found even more frugally if purchased online in bulk. They scored 31 points out of an available 50. The L’eggs line at $5.00 even shows terrific value in a line of very comfortable, evening appropriate, dress sheers. If you are hard on your hosiery, getting a run does not have to mean a run on your bank.

Durability is not pretty. Run resistant weaves help contain minor snags and help hosiery last longer. These weaves typically though add heat, coarsen finishes and leave the fine but apparent tell-tale horizontal lines across the thighs. So, for the price of a little longer wear, you give up much of the magic. For some, not a bad bargain, but not, for me, a good one. I rather take the approach that if you are mindful of how you are dressed, alert to your surroundings, and graceful in your movements, ladylike in a word, then you will not need the durability that run resistance provides.

Love them, and they will love you back. Runs are ultimately inevitable and costly. If you get fewer of them, your price per wear drops each time out. I have laddered precisely 1 pair of pantyhose this calendar year (the fishnets that got freakishly caught up on my purse). Do these things please: Keep your nails filed, pay attention to the size charts (and go up a size if you are borderline), and use a pair of standard issue rubber gloves to smooth up and really fit your hose perfectly after you have both feet in. Your legs are worth the care.

The chart shown here is a top to bottom ranking of all tested pantyhose with pricing taken out of the final score (click to enlarge). Raw scores out of an available 50, 1-10 in 5 categories. At the top are favorites, and what I would wear always if money was no object. Next week, I will re-order them with price in the equation, and line them up with the “bang for the buck” values highlighted. In next weeks recap post I will additionally provide a little color commentary on the good, the bad, and the saggy of some of the more memorable experiences.

2 quick footnotes.
1.The first two photos are courtesy of a stylish friend, CC over at Couture Carrie. 3rd photo from Worlford.
2. I am drafting today’s post in a Starbucks, and I just spotted a completely healthy, beautifully shaped woman in her 20s with a smartly tailored black cotton, belted shirt dress, wearing a very nice pair of nude sheers. It is presently 80F in Atlanta. This gorgeous girl could have made a different choice, been more comfortable and saved a few minutes earlier today by going bare. Bless her soul, she did not, and the world is prettier as a result. A nice glimmer of hope for us all.

Happy dressing and everything else ...

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. English Tights edition

To many women, cross dressers and leg enthusiasts in general, the very American word, Pantyhose, is how shall we say, just a little gauche. Perhaps more so for the English, than any other group. And no national group is so off-handedly able to deploy very French words like, for example, “gauche” to suggest disappointment that many foreigners do not simply use a perfectly good English word, like for example “Tights”.

Well, I like tights and I like the English. England is after all a country bent in so many lovely ways that you wonder how cross dressers stand out for attention at all. And so, the focus of this weeks Trial of the Tights are an entry recently liberated from the very ancient city of Nottingham, the Aristoc Ultra Shine 10D Sheers.

First, all the good news. This is a well made, sheer to waist dressy tight that imparts a sure feeling of durability. A very elastic and firm grip on the legs, and surprisingly so for a mere 11% Lycra content. Lots of snap back and certainty in the weave, and practically no propensity to sagging even after a long day under my withering, wondering glare.

And they are nice to glare at. They glare and glimmer back (cheeky things) just as the name Ultra Shine might lead you to believe. Sleek is a fine word, and polished is the word employed by Aristoc themselves to describe the visual effect. The tested shade is a nicely tanned and charmingly named "Illusion". And who can compete with the cross dresser for harbouring illusions after all? To my eyes, the effect is unique, having a matte finish that bounces and reflects just enough light to get noticed. These tights don’t shout, and don’t need to.

The hand seamed waistband is broad, comfortable and stays in place. Great finish on the sandal foot too. And, for a ½ boarded leg, really a terrific fit, at least on my frame. I feel as though I have found a pair of tights that exhibits many of the very best qualities of the English themselves. Sturdy, reliable, nicely turned out and quietly proud. Sound as the Pound. Nothing operatic or flashy going on here. That’s for other folk surely. I, for one, hope always that there is room to cultivate and appreciate these enduring but threatened virtues in our increasingly faddish and throwaway world.

And now, to snap out of my reverie and report the bad news. A tad warm, dear dear friends. We pay for durability with a loss of ventilation and moisture wicking it seems. More bad news has, I suspect, something to do with just how sound the Pound is. Between the relative weakness of the US$, and shallow distribution channels available to the Aristoc brand in these United States, this everyday pair of tights flashes a mid range price ($9.95) that cripples them in my ranking machinery. Even with good-to-strong rankings for fit, finish, style and feel they muster up a respectable, but far from winning 131.9 Petra Pantyhose Points, and earn 12th place amongst all tested tights.

Now, where with the limited distribution do we find them? You might try, like I did, a little visit to shapings.com. Shapings carry a very broad line of hard to find imported hosiery. Hard to find, and in some cases I am sure, hard to willingly take off. On some recent business travel I was close enough to their Burlington, Ontario shop to drop in, in drab to say hello. I was greeted warmly, asked if I required help, and encouraged to take my time looking around. Jammed to the rafters, an intoxicating ocean of lace and silk, of cups and clasps. As it happens the shop specializes more in custom fitted and high-end bras, corsets and the like, and did not, after all, stock much of the vast hosiery selection beautifully featured on their web site. The store manager, Dawn, was considerate, and suggested that next time I call ahead so that they could dash things over from the cross town warehouse. Alas. Of the smallish selection in the shop, she asked what I might be looking for.

“I like what you are wearing” says Petra.

Aristoc Ultra Shines as it turned out. Dawn did look terrific. She has other great things to show you online including Fogal, Pierre Mantoux, Cette, Pompea, and more in a breathtaking selection of over 400 brands. I encourage you to visit. Shapings does ship to American destinations, and I was assured, quite regularly and reliably too. If you, dear friend do order from Shapings or have in the past, please drop me a line so that I know how the online experience was for you. If my experience in their lovely shop was any indication, yours was or will be first rate.

Next week. Something operatic and flashy from Italy.

Happy dressing and everything else…

Petra's Pantyhose Parade – Between me and my Calvin’s

Dear dear depilated and leggy friends. Far from the glimmering finish line we are, but we can take comfort not only from the electric thrill of lycra-rich sheers on our collective thighs, but also from the emerging reality that, with your patience, my formula for judging the merits of pantyhose is now standing up well to repeated scrutiny.

For the first 4 weeks of Petra’s Pantyhose Parade some new discovery or unconsidered consideration caused me to slink back to the math and tweak my too too complex matrix. Recently however, the formula has been rock solid and returned to me results true, O so true. The numbers and my legs have a perfectly straight back-seam line. All that is required now is time immeasurable and a 7 figure bailout to fund an epic shopping spree. With those 2 small, small gifts I am confident I can return to you a gold standard, a true north, a magic touchstone that fully reveals the good, the bad and the saggy of the entire loving world of Pantyhose.

Failing those little gifts, I will continue to deliver it here in weekly increments.

Again, the ground rules:

I seek no favors from the selfless merchants who labor long to clothe our legs. I am beyond corruption. That is to say, I am so irredeemably corrupted by life itself that a new pair or 2 of free tights would barely get my attention. If, however, you are a senior VP of marketing of such a firm who might look kindly on me and my sisters, I promise to distribute your largesse (container loads only please) fairly. Ship me what you can. I will line up the ladies, from thinnest to thickest ankles, and make your hose proud, so proud.

If, however, you are in a position of influence or responsibility at Calvin Klein, I have a ’97 Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon with your name on it simply for bringing the CK Matte Ultra Sheer Control Top Pantyhose to the attention of my many friends and I. You are my hero.

I splashed out a bit at a Macy’s last week. Lovely assistant who knew my size in a knowing top-to-toe glance. I knew in a glance as well that I wanted her boots. But that is for another day.

On this day I am compelled to report that caramel can be woven into a 20 Denier sheer fabric. Yes the label indicates 14% Lycra and the rest (minus the cotton gusset) in nylon, but they are lying, damn them, lying! If not for the diminishing flexibility that comes with advancing years, I would gladly have eaten my own thigh once my Calvin’s glided into place.

Forgive me, it is difficult to not be rhapsodic about these pantyhose. I will go now to bullet point mode and attempt to regain my newly shredded journalistic credentials:

• A nearly liquid feel. You expect ripples when you touch them


• Tight, even yarn that moves on the leg, but is in sure and constant touch


• Fashion forward reinforcement – clean lines between leg and panty right at the hinge of the thigh


• Sewn-in CK logo provides easy retrieval from crowded, chaotic hosiery drawers


• A healthy nude shade not exactly like any other I own called Praline. It looks like a tan of a far wealthier women than I


• Holds shape as though life itself (if not fashion) depended on it, and


• Possessed of an X factor that just makes you feel like a thousand fragrant kisses.

And this by the way from someone who is not much impressed with labels. I am not easily moved by a big brand, friends. But I do know how to fall in love.

And here I am. Smitten. Hopelessly so. And I don’t mind.

The current champ, Nordstrom Sheers have been effortlessly flicked off the pedestal with a massive ~33% improvement in Petra Pantyhose Points. The adjusted top 3 are charted here. And there is now nothing between me and my Calvin’s, but the next pretender to the throne. I urge you to look under the couch cushions (and do bend at the knee for the love of god) to scrape together the necessary $12.00. If you cannot manage that, drop me a line, and I will create a distraction by attempting to steal the Macy’s Sales Assistant boots. That may provide you the cover required to fill your handbag with these pantyhose of evidently unrivalled quality.

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – High Waist Super Support Edition

Dear friends. My gracious, that was some gushing prose I spent last week on Wolford’s wasn’t it? And prose was not all I spent. I mean dropping $30.00 on a pair of tights that could ladder as quickly as a vampire runs from daylight would in the long run be, for me, financially ruinous. And that ruin would retard this noble and necessary study. We have come too far together for me to fail you now.

Well, I am an entire week more mature than I was last week, and I can see from this enlightened perch (or is it a slightly wobbly bar stool?) that clearly, I was then a much more easily beguiled and influenced young thing than I am today. My newfound and stately maturity did not come without effort however.

First things first. Aberrant Conditioning. Fearful of the continuing lure of Wolford, I watched “The Sound of Music” in its entirety 6 times running while consuming nothing but off-brand, made for the export market Tyrolean Chocolates. It worked. Today, even the thought of Edelweiss induces in me reflexive wretches of an entirely un-ladylike nature. It worked too well. I fear I can no longer enjoy the delightful and fruity Gruner Veltliners that have aged gracefully (often for days in fact) in my cellar before being quaffed with lusty abandon. Austria is completely off limits to me. But my savings are, well, safe.

Next things next. Test completely different Pantyhose. Something that might suppress the memory of my Wolford Luxe 9’s. And given the super elastic and confining nature of this weeks products, that’s not all that might be suppressed. The objects of my attention and affection are Super Support, High Waisted, Weaponized Body-Shaping Pantyhose from 2 favorite fashion vendors … L’eggs and Spanx. And so on with the review.

First up and over are the L’eggs Silken Mist Control Top Sheer toe Waist Cinching Shaper. Another fine entry from the working class hero of hosiery. The 17% Spandex panty that extends (after a nice little shimmy) to just below the bust line is a midriff smoothing, but not gut wrenching garment with similar feel to mid-range shape wear. At a fraction of the cost.

In an earlier post I waxed on about the feel and appearance of the Silken Mist line. Well no surprise, this model has all of the good stuff in the very sheer, comfortable and attractive leg. With one improvement. This weeks model has a reinforced upper thigh region that seems to solve the slight slackness of fit on the leg of the regular control top hose. Truly, a remarkable pair of pantyhose.

And, now on to Spanx. Sara Blakely may never know just how bright a torch I carry for her. And be assured it is not easy for a blond to make it past the velvet rope and into the slightly more darkly complexioned nightclub of my dreams. Truly this diva of the derriere should someday bring home a Nobel (Physics? Biology? Environment?) for her selfless contributions to eradicating visible panty lines with her Power Panty line.

The Sheer Leg High Waist All The Way Up Pantyhose marries the material magic of the Power Panty with a very glamorous sheer dress legging with some curious financial magic thrown in. These actually cost less than the standard Hide & Sleek line. Something has to give, but I could not find it --- at least in the panty portion. This is a well made and attractive garment. You will want to set your alarm clock about 5 minutes early to leave time for the divine struggle you should enjoy smoothing them up to full mast. There is none of the rubbery cling at the top that the L’eggs entry carries – just an elastic determination to fix in place and to not budge an inch.

The only negative I could find is in the leg finish. And this friends (and you especially Sara, dear Sara) is purely a personal preference. I love a silky finish. I want my legs to feel like caramel. And I think that in creating hosiery that will wear long enough to justify a $28.00 shaper investment, you have put your better work into durability at the expense of finish and feel. It’s a fine looking leg, but just a touch south of luxury, and to me, just a little less beautiful a feel than our more proletariat pantyhose partner, L’eggs.

With all of that said these are distinctive and wonderful pantyhose products, and I encourage friends to splash out and marvel at the smooth finish you will furnish under clingy things and ensembles you may be stretching just a tad here in the chilly, hibernating post-holiday months. And for those of you with a penchant for Zentai inspired confinement may I suggest that you may find some less expensive and more disposable additions to your wardrobe in this hosiery niche as well.

And on to the rankings. Sorry. I won’t be publishing the rankings. There is simply too little data. Additionally, the characteristics that this class of products needs to display are too, too different from what I look for in our everyday pantyhose. Beyond that, the very wide range in price makes comparing these makes the results table just look odd. I will, over time, find more splendid products in this category though, and hopefully present a more useful map of the high-waisted pantyhose landscape at some happy run-free day in our sunny future.

For the record, the Nordstrom Private Label sheers remains top of the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade charts for the 2nd week running. Next week, Calvin Klein swings her purse at Nordstrom. Feathers will fly. Please tell me your favorites in the meantime. I don’t need much encouragement, but I do like to know I have company.

Buff those nails girls – see you next time!

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - Wolford

Once upon a time, I smoked. Briefly, I owned a Dunhill lighter. It was well tooled. It looked handsome. It felt like something real in pocket and substantial in hand. It lit. Without fail. And then one day, it vanished. Drink is a terrible thing.

I mention this only because I am thinking now of how long it took me to forget my Dunhill lighter. Everything after felt tinny, and then, plastic. And perhaps, as evidenced by this reverie, I have not yet fully recovered from the loss. When a luxurious experience combines with a well developed sense of entitlement, the result is a thing commonly known as a comfort threshold. A new standard that makes all prior experience a pale Polaroid propped up beside an old master.

Luxury corrupts like nothing else. Power, even absolute power, is Cinderella’s ugly sister by comparison. Luxury. Now there is a drug.

With that said, dear leggy friend, I must tell you that this week I misguidedly purchased and just moments ago pulled on my very first pair of Wolford tights.

The Wolford Luxe 9 is an ultra sheer, (yes, the 9 is 9 Denier) super transparent, dress legging. They are possessed of a combination of gossamer lightness and tightness of yarn that cannot be either fully anticipated or easily described with words, mere words. The subtle reinforcement through the panty provides more visual appeal than support, but don’t worry, nobody will be looking at your waistline. The flat seamed waistband vanishes both from a look and feel perspective, and stays in place without need for attention.

They move on your legs in way that you have not felt before. They achieve a smooth glide over and around flexed, bending and striding legs. They hold shape without evidence of effort. They glimmer not. They do not need to. They make you believe with fierce conviction, instantly, that the superb sensations they confer are precisely what you deserve, need and crave for all of your remaining upright earthly moments.

Lastly, they achieve an effect that contradicts logic, and frankly, has me flummoxed. They are invisible, and yet they vastly improve the appearance of the human cargo borne within. What dangerous alchemy has been harnessed bestride the Danube? Who are these Austrian sorcerers? And what magic have they wrung from an otherwise dull periodic table of elements?

These, to me, are not pantyhose. They are a Faustian bargain with a nice light cotton gusset thrown in. They demand an instant upgrade to every other element in your life from purse to pumps. Never, and I mean never, have I felt such an overwhelming urge to shave my legs. Loyal readers of this column (Hi Mom!) will know that I have not yet crossed this threshold. I know now that this is inevitable. And necessary. And dignified. It must be done. My Wolford’s deserve nothing less.

It is too late for me dear reader. I am here to save you. Please, for pity’s sake, buy not the Wolford. For if you do, we will meet, destitute and relying on the kindness of strangers for simpler and now to me, entirely trivial comforts like food and shelter, in our declining years.

Ah yes, and now the ranking exercise. I will confess to having paid full retail of $30.00 in a Neiman Marcus that had everything else under the sun on sale. My scientifically and entirely rational scoring system simply cannot accommodate the magnificence of these superb strumpfhose. Their high ticket price unfairly fetters them into 3rd place out of 6 rated contenders. Please accept my abject apologies for my inability to create a mathematical model that pays adequate tribute to these magnificent pantyhose.

Petra’s Tuesday Traipse – Volume 4

Well, when we traipse, we use our legs. And in that spirit I am turning my gaze south of the waistband and looking at 3 distinct and lovely websites that focus on fashion for the legs. Get your passports out too, we are going global ... if its Tuesday, we must be in pantyhose.

Wolford, the legendary Austrian hosiery haus has been helping women in general and legs in particular look better since 1950. The product line and web site remain fresh, compelling and highly desirable. The finishes on the web site are as good as the finishes on the leggings. I do hope to be buried in the Individual 10 sheers (black naturally).

The site itself is built to polish the brand and not to sell product. The brand is supported in part by slick navigation and page rendering but mostly in the photography. Honestly, these legs look good. And that’s all you get here. And for me, well that is plenty. Love the site. For those of you who are in the income bracket to afford Wolford, bareneccessities.com has a great selection and the best prices you will see anywhere. For more fun, take a weekend in New York and visit the shop on Madison. Yummy.

From Austrian fabricator to Canadian retailer now. Shapings.com is located just west of Toronto and does a global trade in hard-to-find luxury and specialty leggings. The merchandise selection is broad and the prices seem right. Shapings does not put a lot of work into creating a gorgeous web site, but they are clearly passionate about pantyhose, they roam the globe looking for great hosiery, and will ship to you wherever you are.

Additionally, a visit to Shapings is worth it for anyone who simply wants to know more about tights in general. Exhaustive glossary section, and o by the way, an indispensable tutorial on how to put on pantyhose. Believe me, even if you have been in tights since you were a tot, you can learn something you will love here. Lastly, the nice people at Shapings are happy to cater to the CD / TG crowd, and that must be applauded.

Lastly today, a very happy find in England. Please visit one of my favorite blogs “Too Many Tights”. A dedicated legging enthusiast and fashion professional posts often, pushes the fashion envelope and even (little drum role please) fabricates tights for sale. It is refreshing to see some old-fashioned guild / craft approach being taken to making any sort of product in our mass produced and anonymous times. That some of that care is dedicated to tights just makes me feel so much better about our future as a species. Go ahead and pick up this RSS feed and enjoy.

Again, nothing in any of this but my desire to share what I find along the way. Please send me your favorite sites (even if it is your own). I’ll never find everything I want to see alone!

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - Volume 2

Hello to you my leggy friends, and welcome to the second installment of this hopefully educational and inspirational regular feature, Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. A couple of notes first. In the first issue I created a score card for the tested product. In hindsight (and I don’t mean over my shoulder into a full length mirror) I don’t like my criteria. Well, if I have learned anything in life, its that a girl can be wrong. And a lady always makes it right. So a couple of changes are introduced here:

I scored the tights on durability. I take it back. Durability is something that we can sacrifice for good looks every now and then. And the way tights run is so awfully random that its simply not fair to introduce this note so early in the relationship with a nice new pair. Additionally, you simply cannot estimate how well pantyhose will hold up to washing, repeated wearing, and getting pulled off too quickly when someone comes home just a little earlier then you figured. So, durability gone.

I also scored just how well the pantyhose obscure unsightly leg hair. But so many of you are brave, clever and fortunate enough to not have this problem. So, I won’t trouble you with my little issues. So, that’s another category gone. On this topic I will create a little post or 2 in the future with layering, hair coloring and other tricks and tips that some of you kind girls have shared. And as always, please keep the tips coming! Together, we look so much smarter than me. Don’t be shy, share what you know!

So lets run last weeks Danskins Shimmery Opaques back through the scoring machine …. These lovely tights go from a 70.4 to a 58.4. I am throwing in an additional 10 Petra Bonus Pantyhose Points though because they really are the perfect foundation layer for sheers. So, 68.4 points on a scale that runs from zero, all the way up to who knows where! Sort of a Richter Scale for legs.

So this weeks tested products are a couple of value priced leggings from

L’eggs! Now I must admit to being a hosiery snob. I had never worn L’eggs before. Last week though, a friend over at the Crossdresserclub encouraged me to try. That nice snapshot of your legs didn't hurt either Kay. Thanks!

I dropped into a Target in drab, and really cannot tell you much about the shopping experience. Just me in a busy holiday check out line with an odd handful of hose. I am sure all the purchases look pretty much the same after a while. No dent in the purse at a whopping $7.31 for a pair of nude Sheer Energy Sheer Panty and a black control top Silken Mist Waistband Free. What value.

Quick notes on both.

Sheer energy. This is a nice tight weave. Very high elastic content in the leg and through the panty. I did need to fix them to my legs with the rubber glove treatment but once pulled fully into place, they were locked and loaded. Super comfortable. You just know as well that there will be no sag in these performers. They are built for comfort but do not skimp on looks. These sheers have just a little sheen to them, they catch light nicely and truly do look like a much bigger fashion statement then the price tag indicates.

Silken Mist. A slightly lower lycra content (down to 14% from ~ 30%) than their everyday Sheer Energy sister. This has the effect of losing just a little of the lovely snugness that makes the Sheer Energy a delight to wear. I found that they gathered a touch at thigh top. Normally this is cured by simply pulling the panty a scooch higher, but that is not an option with this control top model. It is firm. Yum. The panty is beautifully reinforced and simply cannot range above the waistline. So do be gentle when pulling these up. As to the look and feel The Silken Mist line is tops. Beautifully sheer, a gorgeous finish by any standards let alone for a sub $4.00 entry. Gorgeous and good enough for a very nice night out.

L'eggs product is of course available at all the right discount shops, drug stores, gas stations and yes, online. As far as the online experience, please go and sign up for emails, enter the wardrobe contest, and enjoy the pretty pictures. The nice L’egg people will even send you coupons. And the range and variety of the product line is breathtaking. Who knew? So much more to wear. I am a complete convert.

And now for the scores…. Yes, the tested group is small, but our 2 entries from L'eggs are top of the charts at # 1 and 2. Remember, that low price really influences scores positively, and in these economic tough times I hope you agree with me. Petra is a girl on a budget after all. These outscore the Danskin by a factor of 3 largely because of the price and the really nice finish. I still love the Danskin, but think I have found a new everyday pantyhose partner in L'eggs. Its true, you simply cannot beat a great pair of L'eggs. You know I am going to keep trying though!

Please send your comments, and suggestions for my next test stroll. I don't need too much enouragement, but I respond to all of it. Remember, we can know everything there is to know about pantyhose, and then, truly, who can stop us?

Petra's Pantyhose Parade

Well friends, for many Crossdressers, this love started with hosiery. They always made legs look better. They were clearly garments that we boys were not supposed to wear. They were around the house in good enough quantities that if you liberated a pair from the laundry hamper, well who will notice, right? And when you pulled them up and on, O... The feel, the give, the look, the electric tingle, that even decades later just never goes away.

We love them as well because they can be worn discreetly in drab. When on, pantyhose remind us that they are there with the forgiving, but always felt, pull in the toes, the caress around the thigh and that smartening of the shape at the waist, hips (and everywhere else important).

For me, they are at the heart of my feminine side and a borderline fetish. And I am ok with that. I hope you are too. Because I propose as a regular feature of Voyages en Rose to review pantyhose and to share my findings with you my friends. I will take a scientific approach to pantyhose scrutiny. I will consider the quality of the the tested product keeping these all important characteristics in mind:

Fit: Are they true to package size chart. Are they comfortably snug all over? Do they sag with wear?
Finish: Do they look like a quality product? Do they flatter the leg?
Durability: Will they last more then a wear or 2? Did they ladder on first wear?
Feel: Just like it says. Is this smooth and luxurious or scratchy and dying to be peeled (or ripped) off?
Style: Are you Red Carpet ready? Are they au-courant? Are they timeless? Are you fabulous?
Obscures Hair Score: This is a big consideration for many of us. Petra in particular. Yes, I don't shave. I have never felt my legs smooth inside a quality sheer legging. I have much to live for.

I will apply a 1-10 score for tested hose, average these scores out, divide the average by the price of the pantyhose and multiple the result by 100. This way, inexpensive hosiery that performs well will have a great chance of grabbing a really high rank. I expect that $50.00 Wolfords will score high, but we may get surprised by some house brand offerings in the well under $10.00 range this way. Kind of like wine I suppose.

I will include anecdotes about shopping for my hose. Was the store CD friendly? Helpful with sizing information or product suggestions? All of that good stuff.

And I promise, I will write my reviews while I am wearing the product. The legs can’t lie girls.

This column needs your input too. Please add your comments. Share your experiences. Name your favorites. And name the lame please. If there is a pair that Petra should test drive, I don’t need much encouragement to hit the shops. And if you are a rep for a nice brand of pantyhose and want to comp me a pair or a container load full, I must warn you that I cannot be corrupted. But your generosity will be noted to my many leggy friends!

So file those toe nails – its time to get started!

Pantyhose Parade – Issue # 1.

Earlier today I asked a panel of experts (a chat thread over at The Cross Dresser Club) for advice about finding a nice glamorous pair of hose that does a nice job of covering my leg hair. The lovely and helpful LisaElizabeth immediately suggested Danskin. This is not the first time I have heard that the Danskin tight does the trick. And I am a lover of their leotards (second skin, lovely stuff). So the Shimmery Opaque tight (Danskin Model # 1331) is under the microscope (and around my nether regions) this evening.…

This afternoon I dropped into Atlanta's Dance Fashion Warehouse to test drive a pair or 2. I had called ahead and the nice woman with the vaguely eastern European accent was able to put my size and color selections on hold. I was not explicit that they were for me but I did not actively dodge the issue. I said hello when I arrived at the shop, but not relaxed enough to completely out myself and get to know the store, the people and the merchandise better. I will confess, my day job was getting in the way again. I promise to do better next time….

In any event, I asked about return and exchange policy in the event that they did not fit me, and she indicated that as long as they were in unopened packages, a full refund or exchange was available to me. So, yes I am out to the DFW (and I will be back).

At suggested retail of $12.50, these are a reasonably priced offering when you consider that Danskin makes gear for dancers who really put their tights through paces. These are clearly made to last and to endure hard wearing. You know when you handle them that they are simply not going to develop runs unless you get snagged fleeing a mob and needing to leap a chain link fence.

This durability and sureness in the fabric lends itself to a good (not great, but good) fit and feel scores. There is a good amount of elastic (9% spandex) and a high denier opaque finish so a good tight fit is to be expected. And fit is key to comfort. After 2 hours of wear, I have not felt the urge (ok I have not felt the need, I have given in to the urge) to hike them up at all.

These are all good things. It goes downhill though. From a style perspective, well there is nothing beyond the most generic look about them. And that is ok. It’s a pair of plain tights after all. It’s the finish that gets me though. Perhaps the “Light Toast” shade is just a little too close to the old fashioned bologna skin pantyhose look that the older Italian widows used to wear in my neighborhood. Perhaps the light bounces off them in a way that reminds me of the tights that girls in elementary school wore before they figured out how to flaunt their abundant assets. I just don’t think they bring the glamour. And that is a shame.

Now don’t get me wrong. The black tights will work terrifically. And I can work the fleshy shade into an outfit with a low boot, stirruped leg warmers, a big long sweater and a shawl over it all, but I don’t think these are tights that can stand a nicely heeled shoe, a pretty skirt and a night out.

So how do these babies score? Well they get 70.4 Petra Pantyhose Points. Today though, we have nothing to compare that to, so who knows how good they are. Stay tuned here for more updates. I swear to God girls, we can know everything there is to know about tights, and then who will dare stand in our way?