Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – High Waisted Wrap Up

The Pantyhose Parade has been a regular feature of these Voyages en Rose from the very beginnings of this blog, upon my realization that my hosiery crush was a lasting thing, not just two hips that dress up in tights. I have done a fair old whack of shopping in my attempts to accurately map these sheer seas and have, for my labors, full drawers groaning under the weight of several lifetimes of pretty leg wear. Now, not only am I running out of storage space, I think that I have practically tapped out my well of metaphor. Therefore here today, I conclude this series with wrap up notes on my recent chaotic and quixotic romp through the world of high-waisted, super-slimming pantyhose.

I have no doubt, dear friends, that I will offer up unsolicited opinions about tights here from time to time. You may have need of more regular and passionate discourses on this topic though, so I direct your attention to the passionate and shockingly knowledgeable Treacle, proprietress of the Stocking and Lingerie Addict Blog for your daily fixes. She really knows her stuff, and looks far, far better than I.

And so, on with the show, such as it is. I will start with the tournament results, present the relative rankings, and then finish up with some off-color commentary.

Our Winner, with 225.6 Petra's Pantyhose Points, is the L’eggs Profiles Waist Smoother Toner. Remarkable comfort, appearance and durability for a smallish investment of $8.00. I did not place as high a scoring value on price within this ranking exercise, but the pennies do add up my dears, do they not? The pennies in fact seemed to have decided things for us here, and both of the value priced L’eggs entries ascended to the Medal podium, sharing honors with a stellar contestant from Donna Karan. The scoring table is presented below (ed.click images for a better view, I hate to think of you squinting)

With money taken out of the equation, the DK’s would handily tromp the rest of the field. A truly gorgeous garment, luxurious to the touch and to the eye. As dressy as you would ever need for a big night on the town. The Spanx efforts, well made as they are, simply lack a little magic in the leg. I would love to be able to say nicer things about the Ann Taylors', fond as I am of the shop, but I simply cannot. Premium price for a run of the mill product is never a recipe for success. Ann m’dear, if your hosiery mill pulls ups their game a bit, I will pull your hose up my gams once again.

Now after all of this effort, if you are feeling an urge to shop, stow it for a moment. Aunty Petra wants a few words with you here. Shapewear is a godsend. Beautiful, fashionable sheers are too. But one simply cannot ask one garment to effectively do the job of two. For starters, the economics are not there. A terrific waist whittling shaping brief can be had for $20-30, and with care will last 30-50 wearings. There is absolutely no way to get 30 days of wear out of a pair of sheers. If you ladder a pair of everyday sheers, and you are out of pocket for a little. Ladder a pair of high waist pantyhose, and you have in effect thrown away a perfectly good girdle. You will be better off hedging your bets and buying things separately.

There is a pretty big functional problem associated with these tights too. Functions of nature specifically. Unless you have the constitution of a camel, there is a likely requirement for relief at some point in your day. Pulling a dress up, pulling these down, and reverse repeating the process requires Houdini like flexibility, and the athletic grace of a Nureyev. If you have that, jolly good for you, but you will have probably worked up a little facial glow by the conclusions of your struggles that may require a reapplication of setting powder.

The all-in-ones are simply not there from a other functional perspectives either. All of our contenders to one degree or another, pooled at the waistband, thereby mooting the promised smoothing benefits of the garment. Right tool for the job is a good rule to live by, and rare is the case that a multi-function tool is the right tool. This is not one of those rare cases.

If you are looking to slim the silhouette, smooth various bits out, and help make a hot dress look red hot, the options are endless. Have a look around you and you may notice that overweight and out of shape is the norm (at least here in America and to a large extent, the UK). The size of the problem, so to speak, assures a rich variety of solutions on the shelves. So go shopping, with a friend who knows her way around if you can. Failing that, trust the nice lady in the lingerie department at a Macy’s or Sears nearby. Believe me, you will not be their first client with special needs.

With all of that said then, beyond catering to my own borderline obsession with legwear in general, I cannot find a single reason for enduring a day in a pair of high waisted sheers. But I started this damned-fools errand, and so am relieved now that it is finished. Your suggestions on shapewear and sheers, as always, welcomed here. Comment freely friends.

Happy dressing, and everything else…

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade, Round 3: High Waisted L’eggs

When last we spoke, dear friends, about this brace of bustline brushing tights, two winners had emerged from the preliminaries and one fierce intra-corporate battle was left. To recap, Donna Karan emerged triumphant in the Ivy League Basketball tip off with Ann Taylor in Round 1. Assets by Sara Blakely had aced big sister Spanx in the courtly Round 2 Tennis showdown. Here now, with mere hours remaining before the lighting of the Torch in a beautiful and oddly snow free Vancouver, I will shift sports metaphor to the Olympic arena.

Curling is the game this week, largely on the strength of it being the only Olympic sport outside of figure skating for which some of the ladies still wear a skirt. Not so often these days as in olden tymes, and how sad this is with such a terrific array of leggings on the market. More typical gear is pictured here. At least a fashion effort is being made. Curling additionally has the benefit of a score keeping model which cannot be corrupted, which is something I like to hold myself to. The battle (bonspiel for you ice geeks out there) is a short, alternating shot 4 throw sprint to the finish, complete with the required breathless play-by-play commentary.

Our last hopeful, fresh-faced competitors in this fierce fashion fight-out are products from perennial hosiery powerhouse L’eggs, and represent the NCAA (Nice, Cheap, All-American) Conference. L’eggs today fields entries from two distinct lines, with legacy product Silken Mist Waist Cinching Shaper and the recently launched Profiles Waist Smoother Toner leg wrestling for final round privileges.

Gone, sadly, long gone is the terrific packaging of yesteryear that was the L’eggs brand signature, but their position as mass merchant of well made, value priced hosiery remains practically unchallenged. As with the Sara Blakely products, there is a great deal of shared DNA in these sheers. The toe (sandal foot) and waistband construction (silicon gripper) are identical, as is the price of $8.00 at your neighborhood drug store. Predictably though, as with any offspring of the same parents, a few stylistic and behavioral differences emerge in a desperate sibling grab for differentiation.

Lets see how they fare ...

Round 1 – Compression: The Silken Mist have a uniform stretch panty that distributes errant body mass evenly, but not drastically. The Profiles field a much more robust elastic-rich panty portion with an amazing 37% Spandex content, replete with additional belly and booty panels. Additionally, the reinforced thigh slimming component covers a full 4” more leg than the Silken Mist, again distributing upper leg flesh more evenly and comfortably. Profiles are left alone in the scoring house with a 1 point advantage.

Round 2 – The Battle with Gravity: The Profiles curl first with their slender lead, but all of their stretchy armament leaves them too, too prone to gradual southbound migration under their own matte mass, missing the house entirely. Silken Mist, not so much burdened by structure, stays higher, longer on the torso, and knocks the earlier Profiles stone out of the house. Silken Mist has the house alone, with a stone in the half-point outer ring, taking the barest of leads.

Round 3 - Finish and Appearance. Both of these rise to the moment and put their best feet forward. Truly, for the price, they both look terrific. Very even matte finishes, with the silky hand feel of much costlier and haughtier products. Not a showy legging, perfectly suitable for daytime and professional settings. Even with a practically unnatural 20% Spandex leg content (with Silken Mist @ 15%), the Profiles possess a softness and breathability that surprises. They show just a little less of the tell-tale run resistant threading of the Silken Mist entry too though, and as such gain back the half point, knocking Silken Mist out of the house, and clinging to the ring. The match is drawn.

Round 4 – Petra Points. These points are not quite so arbitrary as those rendered from nowhere by French Figure Skating judges, but they are grounded in inherently mushy subjective considerations, on matters that are difficult to quantify. Here, with things deadlocked, I claim editorial privilege to pick the winner. These tights both promise to shape the torso, slim the thigh and shine the leg, and both do it well. In this game of inches and ounces, I believe that the Profiles threw a final round bonspiel winning stone. At the end of the match, they emerge, by a gossamer margin over the Silken Mist.

A tip of the pillbox cap with gloved hand to the nice people at L’eggs for making a terrific line of products here in the good old US of A that can help a big girl on a budget look like a slender one who isn’t. For the concluding entry of this (admittedly odd) series, I will invite all the high-steppin’ competitors back, line up the scores from tip-top to buff-bottom, and generally wax (opinion-wise, not Brazilian-wise) on the merits and demerits of high-waisted hosiery.

Happy dressing in the meantime.

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – New Heights

Over the course of the last year I have made a regular passion of reviewing and ranking standard issue, natural-waist, sheer tights. I am at a bit of an impasse though you see. I have started to run out of new product to review. O, I know, I am missing Falke, and Mantoux and Fogal and too many to mention, but these delights are simply not falling off the shelves here locally. Come the new year, I mean to do a little more shopping online. Just for now though, little brown packages tied up with string are not amongst my favorite things.

I have accumulated a fair number of tights of a different class in my many shopping sorties this year. High-Waisted Super Slimming Pantyhose. Not your standard issue control top sheers, no ma’am. They might be better described this way:

Two garments, dear to the hearts of lingerie enthusiasts everywhere, girdle and stockings, have been shot at each other, as though from opposite ends of a lycra-rich super-collider, super-conductor. The hybrid that survived and glows in the still steaming wreckage is, to me, the peanut butter and chocolate, the champagne and popcorn (ed. no fooling, a great match, try it) of modern era, non-retro foundation garments.

When I run these rib-cage ticklers through the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade scoring algorithm though, something simply does not work. I suppose that like anything shot through a super-conducting super-collider, they elude the generally agreed upon laws of physics. At the same time, they do though have an enormous impact on the known laws of physiques,and that piques my interest, meriting the creation of a new class of hosiery, and a new math to evaluate them with. Some opening notes on this planned series are tendered here today.

What qualifies them in? Quite simple really: If you can pull them up to your bra-line without voiding the manufacturers warranty, they are in!

Why wear them? Well, for starters, admire the picture on the right. I simply could not understand the person who would not want at least to try them on. Male, female, straight, not, soldier, sailor, tinker, tailor, I mean, people, please…

Why else? Because, like Everest, they are there.

For those of you not yet convinced, would a handful of feature, advantage, benefit statements work? Let us try.

Slimming is good.
Smooth surfaces beneath clingy garments are good, and
If quality hosiery feels good, then more of it must feel better, no?

The defense rests.

The prosecution will of course point out the following:

More hosiery means more money.
When nature calls, you must be prepared for a little grappling, and
Gravity always gets its way. Anything not nailed or glued in place will slide down a tad.

Well, no pain, no gain says I, so its time for a high stepping parade. Here are the contestants, in no particular order: the L’eggs Silken Mist Waist Cinching Shaper, the L’eggs Profiles Waist Smoother Toner, the Assets by Sara Blakely Perfect Pantyhose High Waist, the Spanx All The Way Up! High-Waisted Full-Length Pantyhose, the Ann Taylor Sheer High Waist Control Top Tights (pictured at left), and the Donna Karan Body Perfect Waist Embrace Sheer Pantyhose. I may stumble upon one or two more of this class on my travels. If I am missing any obvious candidates that you, esteemed reader, believe should be under this lasses glasses, just drop me a line. Can’t find the Wolfords anywhere, and lord I have tried. If you know where I can find a medium in black, I am willing to trade my collection of rare Barbara Feldon memorabilia for them. A second mortgage is not absolutley out of the question either I suppose.

The criteria that they will be judged on goes as follows. Price will be a factor, yes, but less of a factor than in my standard sheers formula. Compression and smoothing is what these garments promise, and so I will hold them to their own standards (do they preen and prune and nip and tuck us well?). Gravity fighting (do they stay up or do they go inner tube at the waist?). Feel, to the leg, the body, and the hand (do you want to wear them?). Beauty on the leg (naturallement, would you be proud of their appearance, and look like a slimmed down million dollars?). And finally, judges prerogative – a random Petra Value that will express my delight or consternation about …. well I don’t know quite yet. We both will soon though.

Back next week with the first edition

The Return of the Pantyhose Parade: Summerweight Edition

Ah, the summertime blues. To my many visitors from Chile, Argentina, New Zealand, Australia and other fortunate antipodal cool spots, let me say that your northern sorority mates are mad jealous. Here on our side of the equator, many cross dressers go dormant, like your faithful correspondent Petra. One can barely raise the energy to swat the flies away, lazing in the shade of the front porch. Even the most committed and cleanly shaved amongst us can be forgiven for letting the leg weeds run rampant through the hot months. Admiring glances are one thing, tipping our hands indiscriminately to a world not ready for us though can be too high risk an approach to feeling and looking great.

Additionally, many of our favorite summertime looks just look better on the genetic girl. Our shoulders are perhaps a little broad. Low cut blouses bare too much less-than-fleshy décolletage. Flat sandals just don’t provide the required calf-oomph. Add in all the shaping foundation layers, heat-trapping wigs, and perspiration-magnifying cosmetics and well, Autumn cannot come too soon.

But for many brave cross dressers drawn moth-like to the nylon / spandex pantyhose flame, excuses simply will not suffice. Dress we must. And while bare legs are a time honored tradition fully deserving of display and admiration, fully dressed means something fine and feminine on our legs.

Happily, supply rises to meet demand and settle nicely around the flesh south of our personal equators. Lightweight, bare look and more breathable pantyhose call out from the shelves. One such pretty package caught my attention last week and was promptly adopted, donned and adored. And my admiration for value vendor L’eggs continued to grow.

The Silken Mist line is augmented by the Bare Collection which promises a “sheerer Silken Mist”, and delivers. These day sheers are comfortable, attractive and highly discreet. Full daylight shows only the faintest silhouetted glimmer, but still quite a convincing nude look. Under interior lights, the finish is flat and practically invisible.

The waistband on the not too strict control top does roll a little too much for my liking. But fit through the panty is secure, and is superb in the leg. With a relatively high Spandex content (19%) in the leg, they are not prone to sags at all, glide well on striding legs and rebound to motion fully through hours of wear, inside and out.

Their feel is, as always with the Silken Mist line, silken and misty. Really lovely handle, to both the hands and the gams. And as for standing up to the Dixie summertime climate, no noticeable build up of heat on a day of high humidity and temps well over 90F (34C). Lastly, our new lightweight friends are sandal foot and so perfectly suited to open toe sandals of all varieties. With all of those nice things true and said, all happiness comes at a price ladies. Do take care dressing. The Bare Collection is likely to not have all the durability that one is accustomed to.

When all of my thoughts and well considered 1-10 scores are put into the Fit, Finish, Feel, Fashion and Cost algorithm, these value-priced pantyhose hold up well to summertime heat and to withering glares from the competition. This weeks L’eggs totter proudly up to #4 on the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade catwalk of fame just behind great entries from Hanes, Calvin Klein and Donna Karan (archived reviews linked) with a laudable 176 Panty Hose Points. 2 random Petra Points just for making a great summertime hose for a bare $4.99.

I have a backlog of product to test and opine on dear friends. I may not have been dressing much of late, but I have been doing my little and stylish bit for the economy. Fancy patterned leggings appear to be an even bigger part of the fall hosiery season this year. This will force some new thinking into my classification systems and some great new looks into our wardrobes. Be assured I will keep you posted.

In the meantime, happy dressing and stay out of the heat.

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - No Nonsense, and I mean it.

Pantyhose have, to me at least, much in common with wine. I go through a lot of both for starters. Beyond that, the quality, consistency and value for the dollar of both have improved in recent years, with great strides made at the lower end of the cost continuum. There are $3.00 bottles of wine out there that are not offenses to the palette. You might not want to drink them nightly, but in the unlikely event of a global financial crisis, you could find a way. Lets hope we never see the day.

Ahem. This week, we approach the $3.00 pantyhose threshold my dear, sheer-legged friends. This price bracket has historically been owned by off-brand, convenience store emergency pantyhose that would be better used in the commission of a robbery or at best, straining whey from churned milk. You know the ones. By reputation only of course, I am quite certain. Goodness knows, we are a standards based society here.

But we are not snobs and our labor continues, this epic exploration delivered in weekly installments, charting a map of the universe of pantyhose. Fearless and foolhardy, Quixotic and all-consuming, and far beyond the corrupting influence of those vendors who would tempt me into a control top trap in return for undeservedly favorable reviews. I think. Nobody has attempted a bribe yet. I remain hopeful that I will someday test my resolve.

In any event, regular readers (I would like to recognize my parole officer, Mr. Abernathy) know the drill. For you first time visitors, here is the routine: I buy them, wear them, rate them and save Crossdressers the trouble of buying something that won’t appeal. Don’t mention it, really, there are upsides for me. So for this week, we fly under the $3.00 radar dressed only in No Nonsense Silk Indulgence Control Tops.

Before putting them on though, to better set the mood and to appeal to my own twisted sense of irony, I opened a bottle of Norman Vineyards No Nonsense Meritage. I am not kidding you. This is a fine and well regarded Paso Robles vineyard. They do not have a $3.00 offering. Their elegant Bordeaux style blend does however get my muse singing. Here goes:

No Nonsense is what the package promises and exactly what the product provides. But who amongst us does not want a little nonsense? I contend that if what we wanted was no nonsense, we would likely not be wearing pantyhose. There is something inherently nonsensical about pantyhose. And that is a part of what draws me to them. They are capricious, whimsical, frail and eye catching. They hide imperfections, capture light and demand attention. They are as light as air, and yet they insist on your attention at your every move. They are romantic and beguiling. They exist in a universe that values not practicality. No Nonsense is attempting to create a parallel and practical universe, and this is a universe I am sure that I want a one-way ticket to.

When I liberated my new hose from their practical, plastic, purse friendly pouch, it was clear at first touch that I was getting great value. They feel fine and are well made. They applied themselves to my legs well and took shape comfortably around by hips and butt. Perfectly serviceable. If No Nonsense was a girl in your Junior year Algebra class, you would say that she has a nice personality, and would be happy to dance with her.

In fact, you really want to look closely to find things to quibble about. The panty is just plain. I can live with that. The 14% Spandex leg shows the horizontal strands too clearly. True, very few people will get close enough to notice, but if you spend any time looking at your own legs, you will. And then, just when you are considering that you are being too harsh on these hardworking, high value hose you begin to feel the heat building on your leg.

They breath poorly. I know that after a long day confined in a nice fitting pair of day sheers it is an airy pleasure peeling them off, but I was a mere 15 minutes in captivity and starting to get itchy. The prospects of the full day loomed as impossible. I thought perhaps I was experiencing vicarious hot flashes, remembered my commitment to you, and settled in for the day. It wasn’t a delight friends. And 2 hours into it, I threw in the towel. And then I toweled off.

I am not done with No Nonsense. I have heard too many good things from too many smart girls. I will test a more sheer version. The lure of the < $3.00 pair is considerable. A perfect offering in this category is not likely, but I want a better offering than this weeks sacrificial pair.

And now to the rankings. The chart compares the No-Nonsense next to their closest price point competitors, L’eggs so that you can judge (and argue if you like) their relative merits. No Nonsense winds up in 9th place out of 11th tested competitors. Our sleek and cool L’eggs remain at respectable 4th and 6th.

Talk amongst yourselves. Or leave a comment here. Next week, I am going to go out on a second date with Donna Karan. She called me up and promised me that we would have even more fun than last time out. I think the world of her, but am just not certain that I can afford such a glossy girl in the long run. I so enjoyed my bottle of No Nonsense wine though that I simply could not say no….

Wish me luck! Happy dressing and everything else...

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – High Waist Super Support Edition

Dear friends. My gracious, that was some gushing prose I spent last week on Wolford’s wasn’t it? And prose was not all I spent. I mean dropping $30.00 on a pair of tights that could ladder as quickly as a vampire runs from daylight would in the long run be, for me, financially ruinous. And that ruin would retard this noble and necessary study. We have come too far together for me to fail you now.

Well, I am an entire week more mature than I was last week, and I can see from this enlightened perch (or is it a slightly wobbly bar stool?) that clearly, I was then a much more easily beguiled and influenced young thing than I am today. My newfound and stately maturity did not come without effort however.

First things first. Aberrant Conditioning. Fearful of the continuing lure of Wolford, I watched “The Sound of Music” in its entirety 6 times running while consuming nothing but off-brand, made for the export market Tyrolean Chocolates. It worked. Today, even the thought of Edelweiss induces in me reflexive wretches of an entirely un-ladylike nature. It worked too well. I fear I can no longer enjoy the delightful and fruity Gruner Veltliners that have aged gracefully (often for days in fact) in my cellar before being quaffed with lusty abandon. Austria is completely off limits to me. But my savings are, well, safe.

Next things next. Test completely different Pantyhose. Something that might suppress the memory of my Wolford Luxe 9’s. And given the super elastic and confining nature of this weeks products, that’s not all that might be suppressed. The objects of my attention and affection are Super Support, High Waisted, Weaponized Body-Shaping Pantyhose from 2 favorite fashion vendors … L’eggs and Spanx. And so on with the review.

First up and over are the L’eggs Silken Mist Control Top Sheer toe Waist Cinching Shaper. Another fine entry from the working class hero of hosiery. The 17% Spandex panty that extends (after a nice little shimmy) to just below the bust line is a midriff smoothing, but not gut wrenching garment with similar feel to mid-range shape wear. At a fraction of the cost.

In an earlier post I waxed on about the feel and appearance of the Silken Mist line. Well no surprise, this model has all of the good stuff in the very sheer, comfortable and attractive leg. With one improvement. This weeks model has a reinforced upper thigh region that seems to solve the slight slackness of fit on the leg of the regular control top hose. Truly, a remarkable pair of pantyhose.

And, now on to Spanx. Sara Blakely may never know just how bright a torch I carry for her. And be assured it is not easy for a blond to make it past the velvet rope and into the slightly more darkly complexioned nightclub of my dreams. Truly this diva of the derriere should someday bring home a Nobel (Physics? Biology? Environment?) for her selfless contributions to eradicating visible panty lines with her Power Panty line.

The Sheer Leg High Waist All The Way Up Pantyhose marries the material magic of the Power Panty with a very glamorous sheer dress legging with some curious financial magic thrown in. These actually cost less than the standard Hide & Sleek line. Something has to give, but I could not find it --- at least in the panty portion. This is a well made and attractive garment. You will want to set your alarm clock about 5 minutes early to leave time for the divine struggle you should enjoy smoothing them up to full mast. There is none of the rubbery cling at the top that the L’eggs entry carries – just an elastic determination to fix in place and to not budge an inch.

The only negative I could find is in the leg finish. And this friends (and you especially Sara, dear Sara) is purely a personal preference. I love a silky finish. I want my legs to feel like caramel. And I think that in creating hosiery that will wear long enough to justify a $28.00 shaper investment, you have put your better work into durability at the expense of finish and feel. It’s a fine looking leg, but just a touch south of luxury, and to me, just a little less beautiful a feel than our more proletariat pantyhose partner, L’eggs.

With all of that said these are distinctive and wonderful pantyhose products, and I encourage friends to splash out and marvel at the smooth finish you will furnish under clingy things and ensembles you may be stretching just a tad here in the chilly, hibernating post-holiday months. And for those of you with a penchant for Zentai inspired confinement may I suggest that you may find some less expensive and more disposable additions to your wardrobe in this hosiery niche as well.

And on to the rankings. Sorry. I won’t be publishing the rankings. There is simply too little data. Additionally, the characteristics that this class of products needs to display are too, too different from what I look for in our everyday pantyhose. Beyond that, the very wide range in price makes comparing these makes the results table just look odd. I will, over time, find more splendid products in this category though, and hopefully present a more useful map of the high-waisted pantyhose landscape at some happy run-free day in our sunny future.

For the record, the Nordstrom Private Label sheers remains top of the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade charts for the 2nd week running. Next week, Calvin Klein swings her purse at Nordstrom. Feathers will fly. Please tell me your favorites in the meantime. I don’t need much encouragement, but I do like to know I have company.

Buff those nails girls – see you next time!

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - Volume 3

Ah yes, my gamine friends, welcome back. Petra’s Pantyhose Parade continues. This crossdresser has run into a little snag on her way to possessing a positively encyclopedic understanding of the pantyhose of the known universe.

My recently adjusted scoring model is broken. Again. Yes, price is important, but we cannot lose sight of the really costly efforts that make the difference between a good pair of hose and a great pair. I am a girl on a budget and will continue to factor in price in the scoring, but with a little more weight given to the look and feel elements of the tested tights. Additionally I have added a 5th criteria which is entirely at my discretion. Random Petra Points are, again, graded 1-10 by my snap answer to the posed rhetorical question … "how would I feel about attending my own funeral wearing these?" So again, glamour should win out in the long run.

Additionally, I have re-graded L’eggs pantyhose in light of their relative performance against this weeks efforts. I dropped them all a singe point. I still love them. Really I do. Its only that I fear I am going to find hose that feel marginally, and even much better in my voyages. I am fearful of crowding the top of my 1-10 scale. So, revised rankings (new formula) here.

This week, Silken Mist falls a notch to number 2 in the Pantyhose Parade overall , only by fractions of a single point. I of course reserve the right to wear, admire, and feel each of the fierce competitors and adjust scores accordingly as time allows and the mood drives me in my happy future. Silken Mists’ slightly less glam sister, Sheer Energy drops to 3rd. This week our working girl favorites go toe-to-toe with pantyhose for ladies who lunch. Lets all take Donna Karan and Nordstrom’s house brand out for a little stroll, shall we?

Before we begin, a couple of quick reminders. The tested product is worn while pondering and clicking away (on heels and keyboard) here. The legs simply cannot lie. Furthermore, I cannot be influenced by the generosity of anyone who would see fit to provide me with a lifetime supply of fine hosiery. Moreover, I would really love to test my integrity levels on that one, so do drop me a line if you are in a position to attempt to corrupt me….

Donna Karan is famed for dressing the successful woman and enabling projections of confidence and femininity in the mannish corridors of power. Petra busted the purse this week in an attempt to get that feeling, and O, dear friends, may I tell you its is small, small price to pay.

The Maximum Control Satin Sheer Toner feels like 2 beautiful garments invisibly mended together. Up top, a 39% Spandex control panty that locks in place like a loving anaconda and dares flesh to step out of line. Below the delicate thigh top floral detail is a fabulously sheer (15 denier) leg with enough elastic to maintain shape, but with no loss of beautiful light shimmer. These are sex-on-heels. I mean yummy. The touch is glorious. You will feel better then all the other girls in the room.

All of this of course comes at a price. Even during Nordstrom’s legendary semi-annual sale, the DK’s are not discounted. $18.50 off the shelf, or $16.50 online at all the usual suspects including Bare Necessities. The may not be Pantyhose to (literally) die for, but certainly, they are Pantyhose to die in.

Petra felt terribly guilty about paying full retail for anything in January. So much so that she started to refer to herself in the 3rd person, and more helpfully, splurged on the stuff that was on sale.

Nordstrom’s private label pantyhose were marked down from $10.00 to $5.00, putting this product into the everyday wear category. And the Sheer French Cut are a sheer joy, to my thinking, even at full retail.

The fit is every bit as good as the DK’s, and 2 points better than the L’eggs Silken Mist. Nice broad waist-band is roll resistant, so these can be nicely worn under clingy knits. Finish and general style are outstanding with a nice 25 denier leg, flashing a very subtle glimmer. The dainty French cut panty is there in the mirror to remind you which part of your personality is driving today. When I run these through the grading formula at the sale price, its just not fair to the other pantyhose . But even at the suggested retail price, these beauties manage to claw their way up on to the podium and this week, into the Gold Medal spot.

The DKs, hampered by the price tag miss the top 3, but have a very real and important place in my heart (and around my thighs).

A last note on the Nordstrom French Cuts. They are no longer available online. The Light Support panty sheers are pictured here, and have the same material qualities, minus the pretty bits. The sale is still on in stores, and if you are nearby I encourage you to pop in, drab or fab, and say hello. Staff is a little thin on the floors, but as always professional, helpful and as per usual, stylish and beautiful as I dream of being.

Next week … who knows. I will shop. This is true, and unavoidable. I will happily take suggestions about what I should buy and test. What makes your legs smile? Leave suggestions or comments in general here. And keep those seams straight till next time….

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - Volume 2

Hello to you my leggy friends, and welcome to the second installment of this hopefully educational and inspirational regular feature, Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. A couple of notes first. In the first issue I created a score card for the tested product. In hindsight (and I don’t mean over my shoulder into a full length mirror) I don’t like my criteria. Well, if I have learned anything in life, its that a girl can be wrong. And a lady always makes it right. So a couple of changes are introduced here:

I scored the tights on durability. I take it back. Durability is something that we can sacrifice for good looks every now and then. And the way tights run is so awfully random that its simply not fair to introduce this note so early in the relationship with a nice new pair. Additionally, you simply cannot estimate how well pantyhose will hold up to washing, repeated wearing, and getting pulled off too quickly when someone comes home just a little earlier then you figured. So, durability gone.

I also scored just how well the pantyhose obscure unsightly leg hair. But so many of you are brave, clever and fortunate enough to not have this problem. So, I won’t trouble you with my little issues. So, that’s another category gone. On this topic I will create a little post or 2 in the future with layering, hair coloring and other tricks and tips that some of you kind girls have shared. And as always, please keep the tips coming! Together, we look so much smarter than me. Don’t be shy, share what you know!

So lets run last weeks Danskins Shimmery Opaques back through the scoring machine …. These lovely tights go from a 70.4 to a 58.4. I am throwing in an additional 10 Petra Bonus Pantyhose Points though because they really are the perfect foundation layer for sheers. So, 68.4 points on a scale that runs from zero, all the way up to who knows where! Sort of a Richter Scale for legs.

So this weeks tested products are a couple of value priced leggings from

L’eggs! Now I must admit to being a hosiery snob. I had never worn L’eggs before. Last week though, a friend over at the Crossdresserclub encouraged me to try. That nice snapshot of your legs didn't hurt either Kay. Thanks!

I dropped into a Target in drab, and really cannot tell you much about the shopping experience. Just me in a busy holiday check out line with an odd handful of hose. I am sure all the purchases look pretty much the same after a while. No dent in the purse at a whopping $7.31 for a pair of nude Sheer Energy Sheer Panty and a black control top Silken Mist Waistband Free. What value.

Quick notes on both.

Sheer energy. This is a nice tight weave. Very high elastic content in the leg and through the panty. I did need to fix them to my legs with the rubber glove treatment but once pulled fully into place, they were locked and loaded. Super comfortable. You just know as well that there will be no sag in these performers. They are built for comfort but do not skimp on looks. These sheers have just a little sheen to them, they catch light nicely and truly do look like a much bigger fashion statement then the price tag indicates.

Silken Mist. A slightly lower lycra content (down to 14% from ~ 30%) than their everyday Sheer Energy sister. This has the effect of losing just a little of the lovely snugness that makes the Sheer Energy a delight to wear. I found that they gathered a touch at thigh top. Normally this is cured by simply pulling the panty a scooch higher, but that is not an option with this control top model. It is firm. Yum. The panty is beautifully reinforced and simply cannot range above the waistline. So do be gentle when pulling these up. As to the look and feel The Silken Mist line is tops. Beautifully sheer, a gorgeous finish by any standards let alone for a sub $4.00 entry. Gorgeous and good enough for a very nice night out.

L'eggs product is of course available at all the right discount shops, drug stores, gas stations and yes, online. As far as the online experience, please go and sign up for emails, enter the wardrobe contest, and enjoy the pretty pictures. The nice L’egg people will even send you coupons. And the range and variety of the product line is breathtaking. Who knew? So much more to wear. I am a complete convert.

And now for the scores…. Yes, the tested group is small, but our 2 entries from L'eggs are top of the charts at # 1 and 2. Remember, that low price really influences scores positively, and in these economic tough times I hope you agree with me. Petra is a girl on a budget after all. These outscore the Danskin by a factor of 3 largely because of the price and the really nice finish. I still love the Danskin, but think I have found a new everyday pantyhose partner in L'eggs. Its true, you simply cannot beat a great pair of L'eggs. You know I am going to keep trying though!

Please send your comments, and suggestions for my next test stroll. I don't need too much enouragement, but I respond to all of it. Remember, we can know everything there is to know about pantyhose, and then, truly, who can stop us?