Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – High Waisted Wrap Up

The Pantyhose Parade has been a regular feature of these Voyages en Rose from the very beginnings of this blog, upon my realization that my hosiery crush was a lasting thing, not just two hips that dress up in tights. I have done a fair old whack of shopping in my attempts to accurately map these sheer seas and have, for my labors, full drawers groaning under the weight of several lifetimes of pretty leg wear. Now, not only am I running out of storage space, I think that I have practically tapped out my well of metaphor. Therefore here today, I conclude this series with wrap up notes on my recent chaotic and quixotic romp through the world of high-waisted, super-slimming pantyhose.

I have no doubt, dear friends, that I will offer up unsolicited opinions about tights here from time to time. You may have need of more regular and passionate discourses on this topic though, so I direct your attention to the passionate and shockingly knowledgeable Treacle, proprietress of the Stocking and Lingerie Addict Blog for your daily fixes. She really knows her stuff, and looks far, far better than I.

And so, on with the show, such as it is. I will start with the tournament results, present the relative rankings, and then finish up with some off-color commentary.

Our Winner, with 225.6 Petra's Pantyhose Points, is the L’eggs Profiles Waist Smoother Toner. Remarkable comfort, appearance and durability for a smallish investment of $8.00. I did not place as high a scoring value on price within this ranking exercise, but the pennies do add up my dears, do they not? The pennies in fact seemed to have decided things for us here, and both of the value priced L’eggs entries ascended to the Medal podium, sharing honors with a stellar contestant from Donna Karan. The scoring table is presented below (ed.click images for a better view, I hate to think of you squinting)

With money taken out of the equation, the DK’s would handily tromp the rest of the field. A truly gorgeous garment, luxurious to the touch and to the eye. As dressy as you would ever need for a big night on the town. The Spanx efforts, well made as they are, simply lack a little magic in the leg. I would love to be able to say nicer things about the Ann Taylors', fond as I am of the shop, but I simply cannot. Premium price for a run of the mill product is never a recipe for success. Ann m’dear, if your hosiery mill pulls ups their game a bit, I will pull your hose up my gams once again.

Now after all of this effort, if you are feeling an urge to shop, stow it for a moment. Aunty Petra wants a few words with you here. Shapewear is a godsend. Beautiful, fashionable sheers are too. But one simply cannot ask one garment to effectively do the job of two. For starters, the economics are not there. A terrific waist whittling shaping brief can be had for $20-30, and with care will last 30-50 wearings. There is absolutely no way to get 30 days of wear out of a pair of sheers. If you ladder a pair of everyday sheers, and you are out of pocket for a little. Ladder a pair of high waist pantyhose, and you have in effect thrown away a perfectly good girdle. You will be better off hedging your bets and buying things separately.

There is a pretty big functional problem associated with these tights too. Functions of nature specifically. Unless you have the constitution of a camel, there is a likely requirement for relief at some point in your day. Pulling a dress up, pulling these down, and reverse repeating the process requires Houdini like flexibility, and the athletic grace of a Nureyev. If you have that, jolly good for you, but you will have probably worked up a little facial glow by the conclusions of your struggles that may require a reapplication of setting powder.

The all-in-ones are simply not there from a other functional perspectives either. All of our contenders to one degree or another, pooled at the waistband, thereby mooting the promised smoothing benefits of the garment. Right tool for the job is a good rule to live by, and rare is the case that a multi-function tool is the right tool. This is not one of those rare cases.

If you are looking to slim the silhouette, smooth various bits out, and help make a hot dress look red hot, the options are endless. Have a look around you and you may notice that overweight and out of shape is the norm (at least here in America and to a large extent, the UK). The size of the problem, so to speak, assures a rich variety of solutions on the shelves. So go shopping, with a friend who knows her way around if you can. Failing that, trust the nice lady in the lingerie department at a Macy’s or Sears nearby. Believe me, you will not be their first client with special needs.

With all of that said then, beyond catering to my own borderline obsession with legwear in general, I cannot find a single reason for enduring a day in a pair of high waisted sheers. But I started this damned-fools errand, and so am relieved now that it is finished. Your suggestions on shapewear and sheers, as always, welcomed here. Comment freely friends.

Happy dressing, and everything else…

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – It is all about Hue

With abject apologies to Cole Porter fans everywhere …

I’ve got Hue over my skin
I’ve got Hue, clinging to parts of me
From waist to the tips of my toes, they’re really a part of me
I’ve got Hue over my skin

I took care to not ladder them
So fine and frail that I walked in fear they would tear
But they have survived and thrived the test of my normal wear
I love Hue's over my skin.

I would sacrifice anything come what might
For a fine thing, the perfect dress sheers
In spite of the warning signs, that I own enough,
Enough now to last all my years ….

Yes friends, Thursday it is, and time for another high-steppin’ Pantyhose Parade. For newish visitors, a recap of the protocols. I like hosiery. I purchase a pair or 2 time to time. I wear them, and objectively as possible grade them so that we may some happy day possess a Rosetta Stone, a reliable periodic table, a statistically sound barometer of the relative merits of these bewitching garments that give so much and ask so little in return. I use a mathematical model as complex a those employed to bring Wall Street to its very knees last year to generate a Petra's Pantyhose Parade value, and have not yet received any kick-backs or threats of physical violence from the vendors I have subjected to my withering and/or longing glances.

So this week, as the poorly wrought lyric indicates, we have Hue up on the slab. Hue had always meant colorful, opaque tights to me. Lovely, useful items, but not fully in my fashion or editorial sweet spot. I was prompted to look more closely at this brand after noticing, in too much of a hurry to drop in, a Hue boutique in a nearby mall some weeks back. When I poked about the website, I found a much broader range of goods than I had previously perceived, including the stuff frequently featured here. The sheers.

Hue, as the name suggests is typically a brand more interested in color. You have likely seen massive walls of bright tights and funky leggings in your favorite shops and may have stayed away from them if you are more inclined, as I am, to dressier fare. Winter is coming on though, and great strides on the fashion tights front are being made daily, so perhaps it is time to broaden our horizons a little. More on that theme in a future post I am sure. But for now, a short review on the Hue offering for the pantyhose enthusiast.

Hue, as it happens, is a Kayser-Roth mills product. KR is the parent company, and Hue has a better known sister by the name of No Nonsense. No Nonsense has come in for some pretty harsh language from me in prior reviews. Truly a brand that brings out my own much unloved talent for caustic criticism. The net outcome of my reviews was that No Nonsense are the perfect fashion accessory for an armed robbery, or perhaps as a temporary fan belt replacement, and better kept off ones legs.

Nice to see, and to say then that Mr. & Mrs. Kayser-Roth have one lovely daughter. If they can forgive me for treating the other daughter coarsely, I would like to begin a serious courtship.

The tested product, the Ultrasoft Control Top is a 17 denier dressy sheer that straddles the day-to-night (ed. enough with the Cole Porter already…) divide confidently. With a subtle glimmer in natural light, that amplifies nicely under interior lighting, the leg arrives, announces and attracts.

Lets go to the name now: Ultrasoft. When you lead with “Ultrasoft”, they had better, and I mean better, feel soft. These do, curiously so with a practically downy feel to the leg, but to the hand, polished, sleek and glossy. Not often do you get the 2 feelings at once. Complement that with lightness and very sure wicking, and you get cool comfort which is a key consideration especially now in heated, dry indoor environments. Things can heat up quickly with those nice new boots on. You know the ones.

So, agreed, they look good, and feel fine. What else? Quality fabrication. Subtle sandal foot seam and clean finishing around the waist and through the gusset of a nicely firm, smoothing control top. Very sensibly, the Hue name is stitched into the waistband, making them easy to retrieve from crowded top drawers. The waistband sits, patiently, happily right at the waist. No roll. Nothing fancy or femmy in the private bits, no lacey or floral details to appeal to my aesthetic sense, and this is fine provided the best resources have been allocated to the look of the leg, and the comfort of the leggy. Which, I am happy to report they have. Abundantly so.

With a price tag of $8.00 ($7.00 each purchased in twins and trips) they are suitably priced for everyday wear, and do a better than everyday job at it. If you are a TJ Maxx shopper, keep your eyes peeled for these at a penny under $4.00. Unassailable value there, and still really good value at full retail. If soft is what you want, these will be your go-to-girls. As to the rankings, they earn a laudable 156.3 Petra Points and nestle into the middle of the pack at # 11 after a day nestled on my legs.

I am sorry to report though that they closed down that local shop. Walked by there hopefully the other day, and where once there was an ocean of nylon, lycra and general prettiness, there were dark lights. Was I too late to my realization? Again, Mr. and Mrs. Kayser-Roth, I beg your forgiveness.

Happy dressing and everything else….

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Softer Side of Sheers

Well my lovelies, those were some heights I attempted to climb earlier this week. The air was pretty thin up there above the theoretical clouds.Stretched as I was by the whole effort, I suffered a pulmonary edema on my descent which required some attention to my circulatory system.

Well nothing quite so right for the circulation than a nice new pair of control tops, and so, thankfully here on Thursday, it is time to ponder on and prose about the nearly weightless but always enduring virtues of pantyhose.

… The softer side of … North American readers may remember this line as a Sears campaign from the distant past. Many of us think of Sears as a fine place for tools and appliances, and perhaps a little less fine a place for items of fashion. That was certainly, and remains the case for me. The stores suffer from a pedestrian selection of styles, laboratory quality lighting, and sight lines that extend unbroken over vast prairies of indifference to expressions of style. Not ideal shopping environments in my view. However, given that the Sears catalog was my original passport into the world of feminine foundation garments, it felt like time to give this grand old dame a try.

As is the case with most general merchandisers in these hard times, there was not much in the way of sales assistance on the floor, but I am a fairly independent shopper, and found the Sears private label Nice Touch SlimShapers without too much trouble. The sales assistant at the cash register was a complete sweetheart and warmly welcoming of the drab fellow with the nice tights and a fistful of cash. Practically begged me to come back and shop with her anytime. That wins points with Petra.

How much cash? Not much. The Slim Shaper Control Sheers clock in at a mere $5.50, which set me up for an expectation of reasonable quality, but not much of a fashion and feel experience. Now, home for the trials.

This is a day sheer I would guess somewhere in the 15-20 denier range, that can stretch into evening, not a super-special evening, but a nice night in a good outfit. A highly reinforced toe promises durability, and limits us to closed toe shoes, but our choices are still rich within those pointy confines. The leg portion is a run resistant 11% Lycra with good, clingy memory and a surprisingly luxurious, comfortable, and cool feel. Great feel in fact to both the leg and the hand, and again, unexpectedly so for the price. They have a subtle matte finish, but in very direct light give off a just a faint glimmer at the defined lines of the leg. Again, not, red carpet ready, but dressy enough for most outings.

It is up top in the highly reinforced panty portion that these smoothers really come to life though. Seams are well finished, and the overall effect is sleek and attractive. An extra front panel flattens and smooths without over constricting. And credit to these pretties for the absolutely unnecessary and entirely adorable lace detail effect at the thigh top. They possess a class of construction quality and function that stands out in any price bracket. The closest panty portion I have worn in the last year comes from Donna Karan’s’ Maximum Controls which retail at 3X of the price of our Sears entry. Terrific value for the money.

There really is nothing to pick negatively at here. Cared for, they will last. When on, they look elegant and feel like a little indulgence. The fit is superb, with a caution: Please be sure to go up a size if you are close to the margins on the height and weight chart, particularly if you are tallish. Yes, the packaging could be a little sexier, and the web site navigation is terrible, but these are concerns that disappear like so many blemishes beneath a fine, flattering sheer yarn.

And so, to the rankings. The Nice Touch line of pantyhose stride proudly up onto my personal Podium, missing the gold standard by inches, and toeing out current Silver medal holder, Calvin Klein by the slenderest of threads, 196.4 to 194.0 Petra Points. Our new top 3 are featured here.

It has been a while since I tested out so high ranking a pair, and it is a really refreshing moment for me. The Hanes Silky Sheers remain safely atop the rustling range of contenders in my top drawer. The Hanes just possess a certain je ne sais quoi relative to the Nice Touch sheers that keeps them on top, and never too far from reach. Can’t put my finger on it exactly, just something about the intensity of their aura. But silver is nice too, no?, and I have a new brand and venue to explore further. Competition and choice are wonderful things, yes?

A hearty endorsement all around. And my circulation seems to be back to (what passes for me as) normal. If you are looking to complete a Halloween ensemble you could barely do better, and with the Sears Nice Touch not taking too big a bite out of your purse, perhaps have a little spare cash to buy a nice girl a drink this weekend.

Happy dressing, Halloween and everything else….

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – Sheer Berkshire

If you have recently driven a car more than 10 years old, you may have felt a little sensory displacement when you noticed that the steering array lacked cruise and audio controls soon into your journey. Similarly did I feel when I smoothed up this weeks proud, throwback entry in my perpetual Pantyhose Parade, Berkshire Ultra Sheer Control Tops. Something just felt different, some ubiquitous modern convenience was absent, and I had to refer to the packaging to figure it out.

Look ma! No Lycra! That’s right, these nylons are all nylon!

Curiously, and without wanting to set off too many Freudian alarm bells, these are your Mothers' Pantyhhose. Or perhaps mine. I felt a little like a salmon swimming upstream to the spawn site of my own cross dressing.

The Berkshires were the only product I had not yet plundered the ample racks of Macy’s for over the last year, and were picked last for a simple reason. No pretty pictures on the package. I mean, for pity’s sake Mrs. Berkshire, would it kill you to hire a photographer, an art director and a model so that your prospective client has something to aspire to? Modesty in such matters is often interpreted as a lack of confidence, and my legs and I agree that you should shake that off, post-haste. Glad to meet you finally, and now back to your all-nylon construction.

Lycra© and other sythentic microfibers are employed to add elasticity to, and to soften the feel of most of the modern hosiery that we wear today. They add the silky feeling often referred to in product names where silk is nowhere else in the mix. Science in the service of womankind surely. Older milling and yarning machines cannot be economically refitted to manage this multiple fiber magic, and so I suppose with time we can expect to see fewer of these all-nylon entries on big retailer shelves. This is a shame. We will lose over time a refreshing change of look and feel in our wardrobes, looks and feels that are at heart nicely nostalgiac.

First, looks. You have seen it in silk stockings, a gentle darkening gather behind the knee when seated, and around the ankle when idly twirled. That alluring pinch of nylon at the narrow toe of a nice pump ... vintage Hollywood starlet stuff. There is a glimmer to them. Far from invisible, these are statement leggings and available in a nice array of shades harkening back to a different time. My middle brown “Utopias” seem lifted directly from the set of Mad Men, and while they look ready for business, they have capacity for a little devilment. I additionally love the dark and fully reinforced toe which would look quite at home with a fully fashioned heel. I have been fortunate so far, but I suspect that these are fairly fragile, and prone to runs, so don't rush your dressing.

Feel is a touch and go thing though. The all nylon boot (i.e. leg portion) lacks the smoothness that we have come to expect from our tights. For this trade, we are returned with some nice gifts. The proportioned fit glides easily up and down and around moving legs, and this is a nicely distracting pleasure. To the hand though, they are a little coarse. Through the midriff, the spandex rich control top panty is very secure, quite comfortable and cleanly finished. Snug, compact and not prone to either waistband peeking or gathering.

Berkshire has a mission, stated clearly on the package: “Dedicated to making Hosiery a Pleasure”, and I would have to say that unless you are completely dedicated to the latest and greatest that technology can bring, Berkshire will have succeeded nicely.

Excellent fit, strong marks all around except for feel, and a modest price of $6.50 for a nicely showy pair of legs all add up to a 7th (out of 21) place ranking with 166.2 Petra Points.

A closing note on Berkshire. I snapped up a pair of their Sheer Leg Thigh High stay ups that same day on a mad whim. For me, stay ups typically don't stay up, but I am happy to report that these did. Still 100% nylon, but somehow, much more glossy and smooth to the touch. More hosiery magic I am at a loss to describe, but suffice to say, if you are a stay-up or stocking kind of a gal, this is a product you might want to try. I will figure out over the course of the year just how to judge and score stockings as a class of hosiery, and look forward to sharing those findings with you all at some pretty point in the future.

Happy dressing, Petra

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Year of Living Hosiery: Part 1

In December of last year, realizing that I needed regular features to return to in order to build useful, regular blogging habits, I started a still enduring Thursday feature, Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. I was not sure at the time what I knew, but was very sure what I liked and had forever.

Hosiery. Tights. Pantyhose. The sheer stuff dear friends.

Putting names aside for a moment, I am not hung up on the term pantyhose. For me it is too utilitarian a word. It does not capture the imagination in the same way that the garment captured mine, ensnared me really in my very young, very impressionable days. What an impression, One with me still, and I suspect, forever. Clearly, a name for this regular blog post was required. I settled on Pantyhose mostly because of the alliterative possibilities presented with Petra parading about. Thusly, was Petra’s Pantyhose Parade conceived.

I suspected that this was a deep realm, a cool fashion well that would never run dry. I saw in my minds thigh a sheer and endless river of nylon and lycra. I felt as though I could cool my toes in this glittering ocean ceaselessly. I believed, moreover, that if I took my time and made good notes, I could genuinely develop a shapely body of work, free of blemish, that might help us all make better, smarter and more fashion forward choices for our legs. Beautifying the world, one happy gam at a time. I have not been disappointed. I have now tested and opined upon 20 pairs, and the horizon gets further away each week. I do not lack for choice. Yumm.

I do lament however that fewer and fewer genetic women share this passion with cross dressers. Pantyhose seem to be thought by many to be a chore, only borderline comfy, and not in most circumstances absolutely required to complete an outfit. When given the option for bare legging it, many, too many do. Hosiery sales have been in decline for years, and outlooks don’t predict a rebound. That leaves less to admire for all of us, and the loss of a truly feminine touch in the everyday world.

From many comments on these posts, and correspondence with friends of this blog, I have learned that my passion, while pretty vivid, is not unusual. For many of us, this frail, powerful amalgam of inner and outerwear, this quietly private choice, this sometimes brazenly displayed enticement was at the very start and remains at the very heart of our sometimes difficult but always electrifying journey. This gossamer thread has the strength of Spiderman’s web and is perhaps stickier

So 20 reviews thus far. 20 is a good number: fingers and toes. Its time to pause and reflect before I lose count. General observations today.

Control Tops dominate the shelves, and as a result, the rankings. I sense that they dominate the shelves because clingy, body conscious fashions demand slimming effects, and if you look around, so do many too well fed, too poorly exercised bodies. Beyond that, I tested a good number of control tops because they do have a beneficial effect for cross dressers who, like me, pad up to achieve more attractive curves. Control tops help smooth it all out.

Wine and Pantyhose have much in common. I keep an army of <$10.00 wines on hand at home, and many of them I proudly present to friends. It is a relief that we live in a world where one can get comfortably tight with a $8.00 bottle, while comfortably clad in $8.00 tights. When you go south of $5.00 though, something happens to both. They are still mostly well made, employing state of the art technology and best production best practices, but they lack something. They lack finish. The finish element is to me, more than a certain je ne sais quoi, this quality is the very raison d’être of pantyhose. Be value minded therefore, but do not cheap out dear friend.

We are worth a little indulgence every now and then. There are special outfits, and nights when a spoil is good for the soul. At the very top end, the luxury vendors really are a treat. The highest scoring panty hose (Wolford Luxe 9) garnered an unassailable 47.4 out of an available 50 Petra Points. They felt and looked so good I could barely think. A $30.00 splash out is not a whim for me, but then neither is a $100.00 massage. The massage makes me feel better but doesn’t make me look better. The Wolfords do both and will last longer.

A Girl on a budget can look terrific. Our Gold Medal performer is in fact a $7.50 entry from Hanes (Silky Sheer Control Top) that can be found even more frugally if purchased online in bulk. They scored 31 points out of an available 50. The L’eggs line at $5.00 even shows terrific value in a line of very comfortable, evening appropriate, dress sheers. If you are hard on your hosiery, getting a run does not have to mean a run on your bank.

Durability is not pretty. Run resistant weaves help contain minor snags and help hosiery last longer. These weaves typically though add heat, coarsen finishes and leave the fine but apparent tell-tale horizontal lines across the thighs. So, for the price of a little longer wear, you give up much of the magic. For some, not a bad bargain, but not, for me, a good one. I rather take the approach that if you are mindful of how you are dressed, alert to your surroundings, and graceful in your movements, ladylike in a word, then you will not need the durability that run resistance provides.

Love them, and they will love you back. Runs are ultimately inevitable and costly. If you get fewer of them, your price per wear drops each time out. I have laddered precisely 1 pair of pantyhose this calendar year (the fishnets that got freakishly caught up on my purse). Do these things please: Keep your nails filed, pay attention to the size charts (and go up a size if you are borderline), and use a pair of standard issue rubber gloves to smooth up and really fit your hose perfectly after you have both feet in. Your legs are worth the care.

The chart shown here is a top to bottom ranking of all tested pantyhose with pricing taken out of the final score (click to enlarge). Raw scores out of an available 50, 1-10 in 5 categories. At the top are favorites, and what I would wear always if money was no object. Next week, I will re-order them with price in the equation, and line them up with the “bang for the buck” values highlighted. In next weeks recap post I will additionally provide a little color commentary on the good, the bad, and the saggy of some of the more memorable experiences.

2 quick footnotes.
1.The first two photos are courtesy of a stylish friend, CC over at Couture Carrie. 3rd photo from Worlford.
2. I am drafting today’s post in a Starbucks, and I just spotted a completely healthy, beautifully shaped woman in her 20s with a smartly tailored black cotton, belted shirt dress, wearing a very nice pair of nude sheers. It is presently 80F in Atlanta. This gorgeous girl could have made a different choice, been more comfortable and saved a few minutes earlier today by going bare. Bless her soul, she did not, and the world is prettier as a result. A nice glimmer of hope for us all.

Happy dressing and everything else ...

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. English Tights edition

To many women, cross dressers and leg enthusiasts in general, the very American word, Pantyhose, is how shall we say, just a little gauche. Perhaps more so for the English, than any other group. And no national group is so off-handedly able to deploy very French words like, for example, “gauche” to suggest disappointment that many foreigners do not simply use a perfectly good English word, like for example “Tights”.

Well, I like tights and I like the English. England is after all a country bent in so many lovely ways that you wonder how cross dressers stand out for attention at all. And so, the focus of this weeks Trial of the Tights are an entry recently liberated from the very ancient city of Nottingham, the Aristoc Ultra Shine 10D Sheers.

First, all the good news. This is a well made, sheer to waist dressy tight that imparts a sure feeling of durability. A very elastic and firm grip on the legs, and surprisingly so for a mere 11% Lycra content. Lots of snap back and certainty in the weave, and practically no propensity to sagging even after a long day under my withering, wondering glare.

And they are nice to glare at. They glare and glimmer back (cheeky things) just as the name Ultra Shine might lead you to believe. Sleek is a fine word, and polished is the word employed by Aristoc themselves to describe the visual effect. The tested shade is a nicely tanned and charmingly named "Illusion". And who can compete with the cross dresser for harbouring illusions after all? To my eyes, the effect is unique, having a matte finish that bounces and reflects just enough light to get noticed. These tights don’t shout, and don’t need to.

The hand seamed waistband is broad, comfortable and stays in place. Great finish on the sandal foot too. And, for a ½ boarded leg, really a terrific fit, at least on my frame. I feel as though I have found a pair of tights that exhibits many of the very best qualities of the English themselves. Sturdy, reliable, nicely turned out and quietly proud. Sound as the Pound. Nothing operatic or flashy going on here. That’s for other folk surely. I, for one, hope always that there is room to cultivate and appreciate these enduring but threatened virtues in our increasingly faddish and throwaway world.

And now, to snap out of my reverie and report the bad news. A tad warm, dear dear friends. We pay for durability with a loss of ventilation and moisture wicking it seems. More bad news has, I suspect, something to do with just how sound the Pound is. Between the relative weakness of the US$, and shallow distribution channels available to the Aristoc brand in these United States, this everyday pair of tights flashes a mid range price ($9.95) that cripples them in my ranking machinery. Even with good-to-strong rankings for fit, finish, style and feel they muster up a respectable, but far from winning 131.9 Petra Pantyhose Points, and earn 12th place amongst all tested tights.

Now, where with the limited distribution do we find them? You might try, like I did, a little visit to shapings.com. Shapings carry a very broad line of hard to find imported hosiery. Hard to find, and in some cases I am sure, hard to willingly take off. On some recent business travel I was close enough to their Burlington, Ontario shop to drop in, in drab to say hello. I was greeted warmly, asked if I required help, and encouraged to take my time looking around. Jammed to the rafters, an intoxicating ocean of lace and silk, of cups and clasps. As it happens the shop specializes more in custom fitted and high-end bras, corsets and the like, and did not, after all, stock much of the vast hosiery selection beautifully featured on their web site. The store manager, Dawn, was considerate, and suggested that next time I call ahead so that they could dash things over from the cross town warehouse. Alas. Of the smallish selection in the shop, she asked what I might be looking for.

“I like what you are wearing” says Petra.

Aristoc Ultra Shines as it turned out. Dawn did look terrific. She has other great things to show you online including Fogal, Pierre Mantoux, Cette, Pompea, and more in a breathtaking selection of over 400 brands. I encourage you to visit. Shapings does ship to American destinations, and I was assured, quite regularly and reliably too. If you, dear friend do order from Shapings or have in the past, please drop me a line so that I know how the online experience was for you. If my experience in their lovely shop was any indication, yours was or will be first rate.

Next week. Something operatic and flashy from Italy.

Happy dressing and everything else…

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – Givenchy and Globalization

Happy Thursday my darlings. Earlier in the week I mentioned “electrically happy” legs. The tingle is with me still. For this, I would like to thank the House of Givenchy. More properly though, I suppose I should thank the licensing lawyers who organized a marriage between Audrey Hepburn’s favorite couturier and the anonymous maker of my superb new dressy sheers.

Before I rhapsodize on them though, indulge me just a moment would you? You see, one detail stood out on the packaging before I slid in to the product. Made in China. Now of course, we see the “Made in China” label on so many fine quality and necessary goods in our day to day lives, from electronics to stemware to frozen fish to who knows what’s next. We see it as well on a lot of shoddily crafted and entirely unnecessary crud, dreck and detritus. Made in China. It is ubiquitous, but I did not recall a Chinese entry in my selfless and hopefully endless journey through our expanding universe of feminine hosiery.

Now, Petra is a bit of a pack rat. So, on my hunch, I reviewed the fine print on the archived packaging (laundered pantyhose carefully folded back in, alphabetically sorted, light to dark sub-classification within the same brand. Believe it. If you are a Smithsonian curator, we should talk about my future bequest). Upon review of Country of Manufacture data, the hunch was proved correct. This weeks model is the first entry from the Middle Kingdom.

So, to review recent history, where do the rest of our leggings leg it out from? 9 of 15 are made in the good old US of A, including our top rated pair, the Hanes Silk Reflections Silky Sheer Control Top. (Review linked here). Happily, we can say that this strategically vital industry still thrives here in the home of the shaved. El Salvador rates next as the home of 4 of my reviewed products including fine entries from Donna Karan and L’eggs. Canada and Austria round out the known tested field. So, how do our first Chinese entry, the Givenchy Essentials Body Gleamers fare against fierce global competition in the battle for our hearts and thighs?

China is a famously low cost labor marketplace. That this shows in the price really doesn’t, or shouldn’t, surprise. Bare Necessities carries them competitively online at $9.50, but I practically stole a pair for less than half that at TJ Maxx. Clever Petra. And now, up and over with the hose.

They have an overall aura very true to the Givenchy name, glamorous and vaguely from another time. Very well constructed too. The 18% Spandex leg is fully boarded and wicks well. The 20 denier weave achieves a good balance between sheerness and durability. The sandal foot is solid and subtly finished. The control top panty is flat-seamed and absolutely, firmly adheres to the hips, exhibiting no waistband roll at all. If these hose were a figure skater, they would receive stellar technical merit points right across the judges panel.

And what about artistic merit? No disappointments. A very luxurious experience. As the name Body Gleamer might indicate, these dressy sheers really glimmer. The leg silhouette is practically back-lit. These are not pantyhose for the faint of heart or for blushing wallflowers. And if I know anything about my readers, that adds up to none of you. The tested shade, Walnut has been teleported directly from the 1950's into our present, and can, in my view, be worn with practically anything. In any shade though you can be sure that they will hold shape beautifully and feel terrific through a long day.

Breathlessly my dears, they just missed the podium by a tiny scoosh, earning a laudable 180.5 Petra Points, gliding into 4th place overall and serving notice to the world that China is in the game, for keeps. Our world may benefit. Think of all the alluring design brands that we might see licensed and stacked up on the shelves of shops up-market and down. The mind fairly reels: DVF, Balenciaga, Kamali, Chanel, and on and on. And what might these imagined entries displace from our drawers. What other longer lasting and more impactful displacements might follow naturally and rapidly on that pretty march?

And so, at the risk of boring the pants back on to you, I must reveal here a few of my own thoughts on globalization, and what is commonly called free trade. I imagine I am one of a very small sorority who lists both Calvin Klein and Naomi Klein (pictured, left, yeah, I know, as if smart wasn't hot enough. Sheesh) as role models. For those of you who have not worn Calvin Klein pantyhose: Go. Do. That. Soon. For those of you who have not read Naiomi Klein, please do. My point and my passions here have nothing to do with China per se. But they do have much to do with where all of us live. Cross Dress globally yes, by all means do, but where you can, while you can, shop locally.

And please, for any of you who have strong views on these matters, or on tights in general, comments are most definitely desired and welcomed.

Happy dressing and everything else….

Veronica vs. Betty. Stockings vs. Panty Hose

Still a little warm for full facial magic, curve and shape aids, flowing locks and purse packed for adventures en femme here in the south, but air conditioning is a marvel and there is under-dressing to be done. Before going on my recent prolonged Drabbatical, I did shop a little and left a couple of items in the wrapper untouched and hibernating. A rare display of self control, and a wonderful bonus of delayed gratification.

Repeat visitors and friends will have witnessed some early stirrings of the old girly game, and for Petra of course, the game begins with the gams. Later this week, I promise a new Panty Hose Parade entry on behalf of my presently, very, electrically happy legs. Givenchy is the name, and glamour is the game.

Here today though, I will divert and discourse on an ageless, ceaseless civil war. Pantyhose vs. Stockings. Your cross dressing correspondent is presumed to be a partisan for the all-in-one, up-and-over pantyhose in this fierce fracas, and while my fondness for them is real and enduring, I am nothing if not versatile, and not in the least doctrinaire on the matter.

Recently I received a note from dear friend Christine over at Chrissie’s Place. She described her own feelings of … well … let us agree to decorously say distaste for pantyhose. We agree on so many other matters of taste, temperament and times I felt as though a little thought and perhaps a well fashioned epistle on the topic might be in order.

The act of fastening a well made stocking top to a garter belt is validation from above that you are, at that moment, special. The very nearly perfectly private show of thigh hardware embossed under ones own tight skirt is a joy to behold. Adding the ever present risk of a slipped stocking to the universe of ladder-inducing threats to gossamer hosiery just amplifies your awareness that you are dressed, studiously and decadently dressed.

Yes, I love stockings. I opined about the sad 60’s revolution that seemed to shake and sadly simplified our foundation garment habits here. I mean every word of it. I was born out of time. I wish that we had never abandoned all the clasps, seams, hooks and eyes that held the stockings, garters and girdles of bygone times. Sadly my views on the matter were not solicited and of course would not have mattered. And so stockings elude our easy day-to-day grasps.

Yes, the gentle and constant strap tugs, the heightened requirement for care in taking a chair, the knowledge that a peek of scallop lace may be available to the innocent and not so innocent bystander, these things are meaningful. From my perspective they are feelings of privilege reserved for the refined woman, genetic or otherwise. And privileges not exercised often enough for my own tastes.

My own tastes are compromised by practicality though. First, there is the shape of my leg. Just not enough flesh at thigh top to be clung to. Stay-ups don’t. And when a true stocking is fastened to the suspender belt, yet another slightly more awkward layer is added to my already complex under-layers. Calls of nature go from a manageable ordeal to an epic battle against the forces of foam, elastic, nylon and lycra. One might crack a sweat and do undue damage to the overall appearance.

Arguably, these are struggles that we privileged cross dressers should delight in. Or at least try more often. Nobody ever said that beauty and allure would come easily. Or if they did, they were not reckoning on my desire to feel beautiful.

And so, back to Betty and Veronica. No doubt, no earthly doubt,Veronica has a top drawer stuffed with stockings and belts and other accoutrements ably deployed in her relentless war against the composure of everyone flocking around her. Betty I suspect does not so dote on her finery. Practical and attractive that Betty is. And while practical I am not in most aspects of life, in the matter of hosiery, I suppose that I am. I will reserve my big romantic flourishes for my writing. And so with the Betty's of the world in mind, you can expect more Panty Hose Parade notes here regularly.

Photo credits go to Secrets in Lace. For those of you inclined more to stockings than pantyhose, go visit, feast your eyes, and crack open the purse for a little treat.

Happy dressing, and everything else. … Petra

The Return of the Pantyhose Parade: Summerweight Edition

Ah, the summertime blues. To my many visitors from Chile, Argentina, New Zealand, Australia and other fortunate antipodal cool spots, let me say that your northern sorority mates are mad jealous. Here on our side of the equator, many cross dressers go dormant, like your faithful correspondent Petra. One can barely raise the energy to swat the flies away, lazing in the shade of the front porch. Even the most committed and cleanly shaved amongst us can be forgiven for letting the leg weeds run rampant through the hot months. Admiring glances are one thing, tipping our hands indiscriminately to a world not ready for us though can be too high risk an approach to feeling and looking great.

Additionally, many of our favorite summertime looks just look better on the genetic girl. Our shoulders are perhaps a little broad. Low cut blouses bare too much less-than-fleshy décolletage. Flat sandals just don’t provide the required calf-oomph. Add in all the shaping foundation layers, heat-trapping wigs, and perspiration-magnifying cosmetics and well, Autumn cannot come too soon.

But for many brave cross dressers drawn moth-like to the nylon / spandex pantyhose flame, excuses simply will not suffice. Dress we must. And while bare legs are a time honored tradition fully deserving of display and admiration, fully dressed means something fine and feminine on our legs.

Happily, supply rises to meet demand and settle nicely around the flesh south of our personal equators. Lightweight, bare look and more breathable pantyhose call out from the shelves. One such pretty package caught my attention last week and was promptly adopted, donned and adored. And my admiration for value vendor L’eggs continued to grow.

The Silken Mist line is augmented by the Bare Collection which promises a “sheerer Silken Mist”, and delivers. These day sheers are comfortable, attractive and highly discreet. Full daylight shows only the faintest silhouetted glimmer, but still quite a convincing nude look. Under interior lights, the finish is flat and practically invisible.

The waistband on the not too strict control top does roll a little too much for my liking. But fit through the panty is secure, and is superb in the leg. With a relatively high Spandex content (19%) in the leg, they are not prone to sags at all, glide well on striding legs and rebound to motion fully through hours of wear, inside and out.

Their feel is, as always with the Silken Mist line, silken and misty. Really lovely handle, to both the hands and the gams. And as for standing up to the Dixie summertime climate, no noticeable build up of heat on a day of high humidity and temps well over 90F (34C). Lastly, our new lightweight friends are sandal foot and so perfectly suited to open toe sandals of all varieties. With all of those nice things true and said, all happiness comes at a price ladies. Do take care dressing. The Bare Collection is likely to not have all the durability that one is accustomed to.

When all of my thoughts and well considered 1-10 scores are put into the Fit, Finish, Feel, Fashion and Cost algorithm, these value-priced pantyhose hold up well to summertime heat and to withering glares from the competition. This weeks L’eggs totter proudly up to #4 on the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade catwalk of fame just behind great entries from Hanes, Calvin Klein and Donna Karan (archived reviews linked) with a laudable 176 Panty Hose Points. 2 random Petra Points just for making a great summertime hose for a bare $4.99.

I have a backlog of product to test and opine on dear friends. I may not have been dressing much of late, but I have been doing my little and stylish bit for the economy. Fancy patterned leggings appear to be an even bigger part of the fall hosiery season this year. This will force some new thinking into my classification systems and some great new looks into our wardrobes. Be assured I will keep you posted.

In the meantime, happy dressing and stay out of the heat.

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade - Victoria's Secret

If it's Thursday, it must be Pantyhose. I have been busy these last few months scouring the racks of shops fine and less so to greedily purchase, carefully handle, brazenly wear and then haughtily pass judgement on the silky things we sometimes pull up our long legs.

This cross dresser has a thing for hosiery that goes back a long, long way. I distinctly remember a young temptress in my 7th grade class, expertly prowling, preying and feasting on the attention of the opposite and entirely unprepared sex. Advanced of intellect and of physique she weaponized her natural assets one day, donning grown-up sheers when the rest of the girls still sported little-girl leotards. She knew exactly the effect she had on everyone. The girls were mad jealous, the boys were transfixed, and the teacher himself was a little lost, distracted and weakened. Such power in the gossamer yarn.

And as to temptress, I can only imagine the emotional wreckage left in her feminine wake over the decades.

Now, back to my own legs which are presently moored within a pair of Victoria’s Secret Flatter Me Control Tops. Vicky is ubiquitous. Like her or not, you cannot ignore her. Let me describe my relationship with this temptress:

She is flame. I am moth.

Her carefully nurtured brand image is analogous to really good makeup. It has the effect of making everything underneath or within it seem a little more beautiful and valuable than close inspection might reveal.

For this perception, we consumers happily part with a couple of dollars here and there that we might not if we were perfectly rational consumers. Rationality however is not a noted trait of our sorority. With that said, I know that I am far from perfect, but will try to be close to rational.

Taking it from top to toe here is what the legs are telling me. The panty portion is a very high Lycra content shaper whose very functional design still favors fashion and femininity. Fashion, by sitting very surely at or just below the waistline, thereby not running the risk of peeking above skirt top. Femininity, by fusing panty to leg with a fine floral flourish. Entirely unnecessary, and entirely appreciated. Bonus points too, from the very subtle built-in butt lifter. Truly a fine crossdresssers garment in so far as it really smooths out whatever padding you supply to compensate for what nature missed.

Proceeding in a southerly direction to the legs. Just nice. A very sure, tight and yet cool feel on the leg. A sophisticated and dressy matte finish that I find very flattering. I would want just a little lower a Lycra content in the leg (I am only guessing, but it feels like 15% --- sorry --- the packaging went out with the recycling yesterday). The feel therefore lacks a little of the electric X factor that I favor in my hose. Clearly, there are more sheer leggings in the price range. Surely, there are more silky feeling nylons in this price range. I suspect however that Victoria (O I do want to believe that there is a Victoria) made a very rational decision in putting these together and on the shelves. She wanted enough durability in the leg to keep up with and last as long as the sexy Kevlar fortified portion up top. I think she got it, and I don’t mind giving up a little feel for that.

Having now been flattered by the Flatter Me’s, I will return the favor. Without doubt, these are the best fitting pantyhose I have ever worn. A rare 9.5 in this category. Strong Random Merit Points for the panty detail and booty lifting engineering.

At a retail price of $12.50, they earn a laudable 162.1 Petra’s Pantyhose Points to just miss the winners podium. 4th place out of 13 tested models, and a vast prairie of nylon yet to cross. Hanes, Calvin Klein, and Donna Karan remain poised, glimmering and ready to fight off next weeks pretender.

I can’t wait to find out who she is….

Petra's Pantyhose Parade – A Second Date with Donna Karan

Ask a figure skater or a gymnast how they feel about performing their routine very early in the competition, and they will tell you that the very thought makes them feel sick. Why O why is that Petra you ask, and I, without batting a heavily lacquered eyelash will tell you this:

Judges leave room for higher marks later in the contest, never being entirely sure of what will follow laudable, and even brilliant early performances.

Well friends, I am no different then those all too human judges, except that I am getting no kickbacks (dammit all) for my highly subjective rants and reveries on the topic of Pantyhose. And fearing (all the while praying desperately for) an endlessly surging tide of increasingly fine and loving leggings I kept a very tight set of reins on my scoring for some of the earlier efforts.

Donna Karan was a casualty of the poor fortune of an early draw. Early in January of this year the DK Maximum Control Satin Sheer felt and looked stunning and I said as much in my review. But the high price of the tested product, the ($18.50) and my relative conservatism (ed. not a noted cross dresser trait) in scoring placed them in 4th in a field of 5. Ouch.

I pulled them back up last week for a little shopping excursion en femme. Wherever I went I felt perfectly assured that I was wearing the finest leggings within a mile. My wonderful day ended in a TJ Maxx that was showing drastic markdowns on a good range of hosiery, including DK. I picked up a pair of the Sheer Bronze Control Top and promised to give Donna another try by re-rating the first pair, and test driving a new one. Work, work, work. Toujours travail. Pauvre Petra ne c’est pas?

Ahem. First the new pair notes. The tested Sheer Bronze Control Top are from the Essentials Collection, and are a moderate control, sandal foot dress sheer. Far from nude, these hose insist on attention with a very high glimmer factor. Your leg outlines and contours are beautifully highlighted, as though back lit. They confidently demand attention. Some high glimmer tights have a slightly slutty aspect to them. They look like they want to be ravaged by dawn or they simply won’t be happy. Donna is decidedly not that kind of girl. These are visible, but reserved. They just look terrific and so earn well deserved 8.5 Finish and Style points.

The effect on the wearer is superb too. There is no slack in the leg at 20% spandex, but still they breath well, and they glide on the leg as you descend stairs, cross and uncross, and just move through the day. You will not forget that you have them on. 8 points for fit (comfortable panty, good smooth waistband) and a rare 9.0 for feel. They are liquid, light and ‘lectric. Lovely in a word. I would clearly wear these to my own funeral and so they earn 8 Random Petra Points.

All of this taken even with a pretty rich price point of $16.00 drives Donna up onto the podium where clearly, she belongs. The Essential Sheer is ranked 3rd with a robust 185.2 points.

And now the earlier pair. The re-ranked Satin Sheers leap into 4th place with a very respectable 158.8 points, and our reigning Queen of the vast realm of Pantyhose remains Hanes. God Save the Silky Sheers.

I must confess, that I do not have a model lined up for next weeks review. I will clearly be doing a little shopping between now and then (stimulus comes in many, many forms, economic and tactile) and hope to find a worthy pair to introduce to you, dear friend.

Happy to have your suggestions in the meantime too. Don’t be shy. Got a tip? Leave a comment.

Till next time, happy dressing!

Petra’s Cross Dress Poll – Panties crept up from behind.

Earlier this week, yesterday to be exact, the Bra seemed like a hands down (hands up?) winning answer for the question " what is your favorite feminine garment?". Anticipating no change in the trend line overnight, I spent a good 800 words prosing on about the many splendours of the brassiere. Premature postulation as it turns out. Ah well, I now have some good bra copy for a rainy day in the future, and very little of insight or wit I can bring to the blog today. Best laid plans, etc….

So, we like our panties do we? When I ran this poll in December, panties were nowhere to be seen. Not a single vote This week, they came out of nowhere (O imagine a world where that happens) in a Friday night shower of adulation to win the pageant, 33% to 29% over the mighty bra.

Panties won at the expense of my particular delights, pantyhose, stockings and etc. In a mad and fickle fit, this week I abandoned pantyhose with my own vote, and sided with the Dress. Not sure what I was thinking, but perhaps I upset the Cross Dressing Gods (gorgeous they are) to the extent that they threw their own hanging chads into my polls in order to force me through this gruesome, rushed and inelegant rewrite. Wife and self have a date tonight and I am on a deadline dammit!

So there we are. I hope you enjoy your panties. I will ponder on them (well, not yours as such, panties in general that is) and have some better considered thoughts about their place in our hearts, minds and nether regions another day.

This weeks poll you ask?

Entirely random, comprehensively unscientific and of no likely academic merit. Do I have your attention yet? Good. Goes like this:

Have you ever wondered what percentage of the male population cross dresses? How big a number would you guess? Here is our definition – a male cross dresser is anyone who tried on a woman’s garment sometime in the last year. Go it? Go vote!

Happy dressing, and happy everything else.

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - No Nonsense, and I mean it.

Pantyhose have, to me at least, much in common with wine. I go through a lot of both for starters. Beyond that, the quality, consistency and value for the dollar of both have improved in recent years, with great strides made at the lower end of the cost continuum. There are $3.00 bottles of wine out there that are not offenses to the palette. You might not want to drink them nightly, but in the unlikely event of a global financial crisis, you could find a way. Lets hope we never see the day.

Ahem. This week, we approach the $3.00 pantyhose threshold my dear, sheer-legged friends. This price bracket has historically been owned by off-brand, convenience store emergency pantyhose that would be better used in the commission of a robbery or at best, straining whey from churned milk. You know the ones. By reputation only of course, I am quite certain. Goodness knows, we are a standards based society here.

But we are not snobs and our labor continues, this epic exploration delivered in weekly installments, charting a map of the universe of pantyhose. Fearless and foolhardy, Quixotic and all-consuming, and far beyond the corrupting influence of those vendors who would tempt me into a control top trap in return for undeservedly favorable reviews. I think. Nobody has attempted a bribe yet. I remain hopeful that I will someday test my resolve.

In any event, regular readers (I would like to recognize my parole officer, Mr. Abernathy) know the drill. For you first time visitors, here is the routine: I buy them, wear them, rate them and save Crossdressers the trouble of buying something that won’t appeal. Don’t mention it, really, there are upsides for me. So for this week, we fly under the $3.00 radar dressed only in No Nonsense Silk Indulgence Control Tops.

Before putting them on though, to better set the mood and to appeal to my own twisted sense of irony, I opened a bottle of Norman Vineyards No Nonsense Meritage. I am not kidding you. This is a fine and well regarded Paso Robles vineyard. They do not have a $3.00 offering. Their elegant Bordeaux style blend does however get my muse singing. Here goes:

No Nonsense is what the package promises and exactly what the product provides. But who amongst us does not want a little nonsense? I contend that if what we wanted was no nonsense, we would likely not be wearing pantyhose. There is something inherently nonsensical about pantyhose. And that is a part of what draws me to them. They are capricious, whimsical, frail and eye catching. They hide imperfections, capture light and demand attention. They are as light as air, and yet they insist on your attention at your every move. They are romantic and beguiling. They exist in a universe that values not practicality. No Nonsense is attempting to create a parallel and practical universe, and this is a universe I am sure that I want a one-way ticket to.

When I liberated my new hose from their practical, plastic, purse friendly pouch, it was clear at first touch that I was getting great value. They feel fine and are well made. They applied themselves to my legs well and took shape comfortably around by hips and butt. Perfectly serviceable. If No Nonsense was a girl in your Junior year Algebra class, you would say that she has a nice personality, and would be happy to dance with her.

In fact, you really want to look closely to find things to quibble about. The panty is just plain. I can live with that. The 14% Spandex leg shows the horizontal strands too clearly. True, very few people will get close enough to notice, but if you spend any time looking at your own legs, you will. And then, just when you are considering that you are being too harsh on these hardworking, high value hose you begin to feel the heat building on your leg.

They breath poorly. I know that after a long day confined in a nice fitting pair of day sheers it is an airy pleasure peeling them off, but I was a mere 15 minutes in captivity and starting to get itchy. The prospects of the full day loomed as impossible. I thought perhaps I was experiencing vicarious hot flashes, remembered my commitment to you, and settled in for the day. It wasn’t a delight friends. And 2 hours into it, I threw in the towel. And then I toweled off.

I am not done with No Nonsense. I have heard too many good things from too many smart girls. I will test a more sheer version. The lure of the < $3.00 pair is considerable. A perfect offering in this category is not likely, but I want a better offering than this weeks sacrificial pair.

And now to the rankings. The chart compares the No-Nonsense next to their closest price point competitors, L’eggs so that you can judge (and argue if you like) their relative merits. No Nonsense winds up in 9th place out of 11th tested competitors. Our sleek and cool L’eggs remain at respectable 4th and 6th.

Talk amongst yourselves. Or leave a comment here. Next week, I am going to go out on a second date with Donna Karan. She called me up and promised me that we would have even more fun than last time out. I think the world of her, but am just not certain that I can afford such a glossy girl in the long run. I so enjoyed my bottle of No Nonsense wine though that I simply could not say no….

Wish me luck! Happy dressing and everything else...