Those of you keeping up with the happy drama here on these Voyages en Rose will know that I introduced my wife of many years to my cross dressing this past weekend. Like any couple, we have had days, weeks and months over the years that are not as good as others, or as good as we each deserve. In recent times, these less than good days were a too common feature, and I had to believe that the long concealment of my habit was a pretty big contributor to that state of affairs. And so in defense of our potential for goodness and greatness, I introduced “Petra” to Mrs. Bellejambes.
The walls did not collapse. This I credit largely to my wife’s naturally liberal take on life in general, and to her unalloyed love for me. I believe as well that the complete, if late, honesty expressed in my “reveal” was a small contributor. So, we now have an opportunity to learn how to live better with each others fuller selves.
Roses though still have thorns, and avoiding the thorns takes care. What happens next weighs on the mind you know, so I thought today I might update you a little.
Wives do not carry around a nicely illustrated and indexed Husband Operators Manual with an FAQ on cross dressing. As such, I am the primary resource, the go-to-guy on these matters. Sadly, I am equally bereft of manuals and road maps too. I might stuff a copy of My Husband Betty into her Christmas stocking next week, and she knows that we are welcome to meet with the similarly afflicted/blessed at a meeting of Tri-Ess / Sigma Epsilon here locally any time we choose. Clearly we are not pioneers, but we are self reliant. I suspect that our baby steps will be taken together and will draw on our own instincts and reflexes.
My instincts and reflexes are informed in part by advice I have taken from friends directly, and indirectly from my flitting about the online world. Some of the very good counsel I received before and in the immediate aftermath of this disclosure was to move slowly. I placed a particular value on Lynn D’s input: “Take small steps in high heels”. Now, there is a thought that I just intuitively get. So, small steps it is.
I started with saying that I was willing to answer any question Mrs. B has at any time, fully and directly. On day one, questions were of a general nature: “have you been in out in public? ... where have you gone?” Well, restaurants, malls, shops and etc. Just normal, everyday things, with an admitted twist.
Late in the day Sunday, I was asked if I had a wig. Well, yes. What does it look like? Hmmm... brunette, with blonde highlights, shoulder length. Its up in the attic with the rest of my things.
Monday, then, just after dinner: do you have any pictures? Well, yes I do … no glamour shots, but yes, I can show you some online in fact. Her laptop was handy, and so I opened up a new tab to Voyages en Rose, and there I am in full force femme glory, draped in a nice Ocelot (or is it leopard?) party frock, contemplatively caressing a piano.
“That’s you? O my god. That’s you?!”
Yes honey. That is me. And over here is another snap. And there a 3rd and a 4th.
This blog has been central to resolving a life long conflict. My letter of confession revealed that I had spent a good amount of time over the last year writing about the conflict, learning more about myself, and slowly arriving at a place of acceptance of the self. Moreover, the value of that writing was to me, greater than being an enabler of honesty. It was also a vehicle for working out the mechanics of writing itself. I do have pretentions to this craft. I believe that I can write. Doing it well, would be a great source of joy for me. Voyages en Rose has been a terrific platform for working on the disciplines of writing. Habits developed and refined here will be used in other authorial efforts. This I know.
So, there we are on the couch. I explained some of the rudiments of blogging, showed my darling how to go back in time and attack posts in chronologic order, and left her to her reading.
I spent an hour on my own piano (Beatles song book), fielding the odd question from the next room, closed the lid, and then sought her views. I am happy to report that Mrs. Bellejambes thinks that Voyages en Rose is the very best of my writing. I am accused (correctly too I believe) of tortured and over-complex syntax in my drab journals, and she sees less of that from Petra. If you are surprised that I am capable of more tortured syntax than I typically serve up here, well, I am full of surprises, if not excesses.
“You wrote all of this? The poem too?”
Yes. All of it. Every word. Proudly too.
“What do you want to do?”
Well, I want to do whatever we are comfortable with. I would love to be able to do all of the things that we enjoy doing. Movies, meals, and I suppose shopping. Just time together. I would want it to not matter whether I am in drab, or en femme. And I would want those things to happen when we are comfortable, a naturally as possible.
So there we are. Average time on site statistics have nudged up this week owing to Mrs. B’s extended visit. You should feel free to say hello to her in your comments. She is a very nice woman. I think you would get along with her beautifully. And I am sure she will be following my continued efforts here online as we continue to learn our way through our future.
My wig, wardrobe, foundation layers, and accessories having been freed from the cold dark attic are within easy reach in a guest room, hung, folded, and in their way, like me, breathing better.
Its Thursday. I think I will take a shave today.
Small steps in high heels.
Ed. All of this may pre-empt my promised reviews of high-waisted tights for a little while. Its always stocking season for over at Tights Lover and Stocking Addict though, so rely on our friends there for your fix.