Resolved, Rinse, Repeat

I have never been, dear friends much of a New Years Resolution type. Like many, I have made easy promises about cold hard things that melted away at the first heat. My track record over the years, if I am to be honest was zero for whatever. Not wanting to reinforce that tradition of failure, some years ago I resolved to resolve no more. Here, finally, was a promise that I could keep. I lightly entered the next 15 or so new years without dragging burdensome profanity, drinking, or career track baggage with me.

I managed nonetheless to attain a reasonable position of comfort and accomplishment, and in some senses, a lavish life without these annual commitments. Clearly I was on the right track, and clearly something had to be changed.

And so last year, newly intoxicated by my acceptance of “Petra”, I resolved again. Publicly in fact. Long time readers may remember a post from 31 Dec of 08 wherein I promised 2 things.

I resolve to keep at this (ed. blogging). I want to be a better writer, and Petra surely has much to write about.

Done, and to my thinking, done well. I have posted, since that pledge, 100+ mini-essays on diverse topics here on Voyages en Rose. I have figured out the discipline of placing butt in a chair and getting the thoughts sorted into words. I do believe that the quality is good, the voice is original, and your response as an audience for my writing has been particularly gratifying. Next:

I resolve to share this (ed. cross dressing) in some way, slowly, and respectfully with my wife. I know she wants my happiness, but this is a very, very big ask.

Again, done, a bullet dodged, a bomb diffused. And possibilities of growing love and happiness exist again in the home I share with the principal miracle in my overblessed life. Top that.

A pretty good year measured against my promises. I should take my winnings off the table and go back to the happy no-years resolution posture of prior years, but fool that I am, it is time to double down.

First, on the writing. I am going to take it more seriously. I take much joy from the work of writing, and a have great inheritance of experience to plunder. Most of that experience has little or nothing to do with the what I write about here. The sugar and spice is nice, yes, but there is more to life than all that. I am going to write in my own name and in the open. There I will lose the lovely anonymity that Voyages en Rose provides. New challenges and consequences no doubt. Looking forward to them.

This will represent a loss of voice for Petra, and that is likely, certain in fact, to be registered here with a less productive year on Voyages en Rose. This anticipation ties closely to my other big resolution.

It is my hope to normalize my cross dressing this year. Cross dressing has been so much, too much on my mind for the last 12 months plus. It has taken cycles from parts or my life that truly require and deserve attention. I don’t regret a moment of the time I have spent blogging, corresponding, checking analytics, and pondering new purchases, but I simply cannot sustain this near obsessive level of attention to the life en femme.

I believe that I have been too occupied with this part of my life because it was hidden from my wife. Lots of steam in that tightly shut pressure cooker. The lid, loose now, the heat lower, the broth is off the boil. There are other dishes to prepare. Some of them have to do with money. I could have made a lot more of the stuff in 2009. Money is not everything, but at heart, money does represent choice. I like choice and it is time to give myself more of them. Therefore, my paying work will get some of the displaced energy.

More importantly, I plan to use the freed up time and mental cycles to be a better husband to my wife. We do need to carefully figure out exactly how we share our home and lives with Petra together, and that is a big, complex and sensitive undertaking. Taken in the big picture though, these matters are small beans. We have much to plan for and achieve together, and most of these things have little to do with gender expression and much to do with humanity, love and hope. The big stuff, dear friends.

Wish us luck. And for you, my wishes are exactly the same for you as they were one year ago today:

I wish you all a completely happy new year. Whatever makes you peaceful, tranquil, curious and young, I hope you find in abundance.

Thanks for visiting. See you soon.