Nov 14, 2009

A Cross Dressers Incomplete Life in Verse

A boy lured by pantyhose
And garments that cling when they close
Rifles closets for dresses
And imagines long tresses
And hope he is not one of “those

As a teen, with a pretty girlfriend
I arranged some new means to an end
When sometimes at playtime
Whats her's, I could make mine
Harmless fun, not a problem to mend.

Yes, blue clothes are less fun than pink
Soon sex and cross dressing are linked
Surely not something permanent
I’ll not grow old that bent
I'll contend I’ve a temporary kink.

These thoughts never quite go away
Watching women at work and at play
Their wardrobes are sexy
O, my longings perplex me
And I work hard to keep them at bay.

This work, done and always in vain
Doesn’t stick, do the trick, and it’s plain
That odd cross dressing sessions
Serve to fuel my obsessions
And to wallet are somewhat of a drain

Then 30, the surprise of my life
A meeting, a courtship, a wife
Love consuming, explosive and true
With the power to urges, undo
And to carve from me as with a knife

Our home, my laundry, her kitchen
Nice division of labor, no bitchin’
Filmy things though, they serve as a taunt
To try on, to feel, and to want
Then return, to my marriage, to pitch in.

Loving couples have so much to share
Secrets too, wrongly kept from truths glare
When we played (once or twice), with my feelings growing
with her limits found, with her fuse close to blowing
I said, I’m a Stallion, no Mare.

More a leopard though - unchanging spots
So stealthy, and not yet been caught
While En Femme, here and there, and so thrilled
To be “out” with fond wishes fulfilled
Briefly “hot”, then concealing in “not”.

I see now that I’ve built a cage
When I truly require a stage
For myself to uncover
And to share with my lover
What I do know, and should, by this age

This phase has now lasted a year.
So much learned, fine new friends, but I fear
That real fabric is tearing
In my life, and its wearing
Not sharing, and not being clear,

About this big part of my being
Without which I am not fully me-ing
In fairness, it's past time to engage
With my wife, with her anger and rage
Which may move her, and rightly, to fleeing

But dammit I do lack the nerve
I take a deep breath, then I swerve
From disclosing this truth
That’s been true since my youth
That I sought not, but want to conserve

Busy friends and cross dressers in blog land
With precious few moments now on hand
You've spent some, with these stanzas of verse
Just one left, so for better or worse
I must ask: how did you make your own stand?

Yes, your comments I seek in conclusion
So to read and to lessen confusion
Thoughts that help this cross dresser,
Help my Missus, god bless her,
And perhaps save the odd bruise or contusion.

With abject apologies to anyone who living or in the great beyond who has an actual talent for poetry.

Happy weekend - Petra


Leslie Ann said...

What a delight, Petra! I'm sure you didn't find "sexy"/"perplex me" in a rhyming dictionary.

So, you're ready to drop the bomb, huh? Advice...hmmm. Don't do it the way I did it.

Seriously, a lot depends on your lady. If memory serves, she's already aware that you have these feelings, just not the degree. Would she be shocked and dismayed to learn that you've been out and about as Petra? Would she approve of your fashion choices? Does she harbor biases about the trans community as a whole? I guarantee it'll be rocky regardless, but if Mrs. B loves you, you'll get through it.

I know firsthand how perilous this event can be. If you need any handholding, I'm here for you.

Lynn Jones said...

I must ask: how did you make your own stand?

I blurted it out, late one night
I'm sure it gave my partner a hell of fright.
The stress and the pressure was so much,
In truth, she loved me 'cos I wasn't that butch,
Through the shock, the hugs and the tears
We're still together, it's been more than 10 years.

*ahem* Sorry, I couldn't help but join in - badly, but there you go :) Iffy verse aside, how can you tell a loved one? That's a very difficult question to answer because each person, and therefore each couple, is different. I don't think there is a magical formula you can follow, I think you have to do what you think is right for you.

My advice - for what it's worth - is to tell her at home because she can retreat if she wants and your wife is on her own ground.

Try to reiterate that you love her and you held back because you didn't want to lose her. I know that sucks, but isn't that part of the truth?

I think it is all too tempting to tell all, but is your wife ready for that? Does she need to know all of it on the day? It is enough for you to tell her how long you've felt like this (perhaps with a nod of "and I don't want to change sex. I am very happy as I am with you.").

However you plan to do it and when you decide to, I wish you lots of luck, Petra.

Petra Bellejambes said...

Leslie Ann - thanks of course. Again, its less about the peculiar habits/needs than it is the lack of diclosure. Tangled webs & etc... will keep you posted.

Lynn - Bonus points for the verse my friend. Yes we are all unique as you rightly say. Unique as snowflakes with more emphasis in my case on the flake. All of it on the day? No I think pretty deep immmersion but not total. Don't want to burn all the bridges.

Damn it all, I have mixed my metaphor again. I really must go back to decaf....

Couture Carrie said...

Pure genius, darling Petra! Love the rhyme scheme! Bravo :)


Tights Lover said...

Great poem. I have no better advice than what was said above. Try and be brief and to the point and don't create a big buildup to it. If you make it a big issue she will to. If you're "no big deal" about it, she might follow your lead. It'll be a long road of give and take...good luck!

Jessica De Leon said...

What a beautifully written piece of art. Thank you Petra

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