Much to relate, but I have to tell you dear friends that Petra is in a state of flux. Petra of course continues to refer to herself in the 3rd person, so all is not entirely awry, but enough things have changed that she has lost her blog moorings just a tad. (ed. please come back to the first person voice).
First, I have been terribly busy work wise. Most of this is self inflicted. I had ample time in December to dive into a project that I had contracted for, and I frittered the time away. Well, there was the whole sharing my cross dressing with Mrs. Bellejambes, all the holiday activity and etc., but I did lose myself. As a result, Week #1 of the new decade was all catch up. I did happily find the time to maintain one of my resolutions by writing, not from Petra’s perspective, but from a more gender neutral authorial perspective. As I mentioned in my New Years welcome post “Resolved, Rinse, Repeat”, this too will take time from these Voyages en Rose.
The real roadblock to productivity here is more complex than all that though. This blog has functioned as a terrific vent for pent up feelings, and a platform to give voice to some findings about my embrace of cross dressing. With these true and beautiful things out in the open with my wife though, the impetus to write and share has dampened a bit. There is much that I could write about, but I find myself stymied. The natural course of my story would lead to discussions about how this is all affecting life at home. This is sensitive stuff. I have not figured out the how much, or how to boundaries yet.
You see, in a very real way, this blog is now a shared enterprise. So allow me some time to work on that, while I work on the pressing matters of the real world. That world is very much with us all, and no less for me.
I am happy to share some of the less sensitive and private, more trivial and surface-y things though with you here. Mrs. Bellejambes has done some shopping for me. At Christmas time a small treat from Soma. I was touched beyond words. And a little flattered too, being given credit for a cup size that I do not fill out. A trip was required to sort things out and right size the merchandize. I was solo for the return trip and in drab mode. It took longer than you might think though because the sales assistant who had accessed Mrs. Bellejambes’ purchase record and was having a hard time reconciling in her mind exactly why I had selected a bra that would not fit my wife. Some things are best left unsaid. Mrs. B shops there often and while I do not mind outing myself as a cross dresser to relative strangers, I do not want to out Mrs. B as the spouse of one without her weighing in on the matter.
The Leesa is pretty, fits beautifully and is on sale friends for a mere $11.99 which is a considerable whack down from the original $42.00 tag.
Just days ago, arms stretched under the weight of a half dozen bags after a routine shopping sortie, she told me there was a little extra treat for me. Lo and behold, a lovely pair of peep toes. They fit like a glove and were a real steal at the Talbots outlet. I am happy to report that myself and the Mrs. share a shoe size. I cannot wait for our first squabble about who has dibs on these beauties.
These two acts of kindness signal a willingness to engage with the full me that is above and beyond the call of duty. I am dazzled by her in new ways it seems each day. This willingness to engage raises the bar for me. I have much to do to continue to earn the understanding and support of my wife.
I will be thinking of those things over the next couple of weeks quietly and to myself. Mrs. B is visiting family overseas. There will be a little Petra time, yes, and perhaps a story or two here. More importantly though, now past the shock and elation of the successful sharing exercise, now past the rush of holiday and business chaos, now in a more contemplative frame of mind, I will be working on how to be a better whole me, a better husband. The blog stuff will be on a low simmer, but you will see me here time to time.
Happy dressing and everything else…