Sep 2, 2009

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – Wednesday Special – No Nonsense II

Food critics will always visit a restaurant at least twice, and often more, before rendering a judgment that may in the future reflect unfairly on the establishment, or call their own taste into question. Well, when this cross dressing hosiery critic first reviewed No Nonsense in February of this year, it was an off night for pantyhose. In fact, I could not wait to get them off. Full review linked here, but here is the pithy conclusion:

They breath poorly. I know that after a long day confined in a nice fitting pair of day sheers it is an airy pleasure peeling them off, but I was a mere 15 minutes in captivity and starting to get itchy. The prospects of the full day loomed as impossible. I thought perhaps I was experiencing vicarious hot flashes, remembered my commitment to you, and settled in for the day. It wasn’t a delight friends. And 2 hours into it, I threw in the towel. And then I toweled off….

My word, that was bitchy. Not entirely what I like to hear from myself.

I did promise in that review to revisit No Nonsense (ed. after a court ordered trial separation) to see if perhaps I was just a little harsh, just a little snippy to our hard-working, earnest, and modestly priced friends. It seemed to me that after swanning around the globe to slide Chinese, English and Italian hosiery up my all too willing legs, that I might just stay near to home, enjoy some domestic comfort food, and perhaps have a sunnier disposition about the No Nonsense brand.

And so, with an open mind (ed. short memory?), and all the good will in the world, I snapped up a pair of Smart Support Control Tops, to go back for seconds.

A handful of things made this model interesting to me. First, the promise of an Ultra Sheer Leg. Second, the nude shade, Beige Mist suited my complexion well from what I could gather from the package. These 2 things together improved the likelihood that my new Smart Controls would be a great warm weather option.

The last thing that intrigued was the concept of Graduated Compression. Now, having flunked out of two truly superb universities, I rather hoped that a pair of Graduated Pantyhose would help complete me somehow. The idea of graduated compression is to provide a tighter weave on the lower parts of the leg so that the nylons provide a little of the circulatory oomph that nature loses with time. Terrific concept, and Nobel-worthy to my thinking. And yet again, graduation has failed to impact the odd trajectory of my life. Periodically, oxygen does not make it to my brain in full enough supply, but my legs seem fine without the help. I simply could not feel the difference.

So, on to the rest of the product. Polite applause only my dear friends. On the plus side there is care taken making the product. The seams are well finished, the toe is tidy, the panty portion is firm and comfortable, the waist band does not roll, and really, they look attractive enough. Attractive is at the heart of the problem though: what attracts the eye are the pantyhose, and not the legs. A good pair of pantyhose becomes one with the leg, and makes the leg more attractive. This weeks model simply sit on top of the leg. Ultra Sheer is an overpromise. Lastly, while not quite so warm on the leg as the Silk Indulgence model, they are still a tad cozy.

Dear friends, for the price ($3.99), they are a good performer. One should not I suppose expect greatness from the spare change you can shake out of your purse. A high grade (7.0) for fit, but 4.5 – 5.5 for the all important finish, style and feel criteria. 1.0 only for random merit. I could not imagine wearing these to my own funeral. I might wear them while selecting my grave site if the place was completely overgrown and likely to tear a run in a finer pair, but that is as close as they would get to my eternal and eternally sheer place of rest. All of this contibutes to a 15th place rank out of 20 tested pairs. Furthermore the Silk Indulgence has laddered over time from 9th, when first tested to its' present 17th place perch.

These No Nonsense Control Tops are the 20th pair of pantyhose reviewed here in this ongoing and hopefully endless parade. Tomorrow, a look back on The Year of Living Hosiery©. It’s a fitting time to reflect on what I have learned to date before getting busy with a new autumn rush of tights.

Ta ra till then, happy dressing, and etc…


Jessica De Leon said...

What an excellently detailed review, bravo Petra :)!

Sara Jones said...

Wow, when you write a review you really put your heart and soul into it! I've now GOT to review all your reviews, or I'll never sleep!

Leslie Ann said...

I have NEVER liked No Nonsense, not my mother's, not my wife's. Cheap, yes, but cheap. They feel very much like waist length wool socks, both to the leg and to the hand. Not my idea of a sensual sartorial experience. You have captured that very well here, I think.

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