Petra's Pantyhose Parade – A Second Date with Donna Karan

Ask a figure skater or a gymnast how they feel about performing their routine very early in the competition, and they will tell you that the very thought makes them feel sick. Why O why is that Petra you ask, and I, without batting a heavily lacquered eyelash will tell you this:

Judges leave room for higher marks later in the contest, never being entirely sure of what will follow laudable, and even brilliant early performances.

Well friends, I am no different then those all too human judges, except that I am getting no kickbacks (dammit all) for my highly subjective rants and reveries on the topic of Pantyhose. And fearing (all the while praying desperately for) an endlessly surging tide of increasingly fine and loving leggings I kept a very tight set of reins on my scoring for some of the earlier efforts.

Donna Karan was a casualty of the poor fortune of an early draw. Early in January of this year the DK Maximum Control Satin Sheer felt and looked stunning and I said as much in my review. But the high price of the tested product, the ($18.50) and my relative conservatism (ed. not a noted cross dresser trait) in scoring placed them in 4th in a field of 5. Ouch.

I pulled them back up last week for a little shopping excursion en femme. Wherever I went I felt perfectly assured that I was wearing the finest leggings within a mile. My wonderful day ended in a TJ Maxx that was showing drastic markdowns on a good range of hosiery, including DK. I picked up a pair of the Sheer Bronze Control Top and promised to give Donna another try by re-rating the first pair, and test driving a new one. Work, work, work. Toujours travail. Pauvre Petra ne c’est pas?

Ahem. First the new pair notes. The tested Sheer Bronze Control Top are from the Essentials Collection, and are a moderate control, sandal foot dress sheer. Far from nude, these hose insist on attention with a very high glimmer factor. Your leg outlines and contours are beautifully highlighted, as though back lit. They confidently demand attention. Some high glimmer tights have a slightly slutty aspect to them. They look like they want to be ravaged by dawn or they simply won’t be happy. Donna is decidedly not that kind of girl. These are visible, but reserved. They just look terrific and so earn well deserved 8.5 Finish and Style points.

The effect on the wearer is superb too. There is no slack in the leg at 20% spandex, but still they breath well, and they glide on the leg as you descend stairs, cross and uncross, and just move through the day. You will not forget that you have them on. 8 points for fit (comfortable panty, good smooth waistband) and a rare 9.0 for feel. They are liquid, light and ‘lectric. Lovely in a word. I would clearly wear these to my own funeral and so they earn 8 Random Petra Points.

All of this taken even with a pretty rich price point of $16.00 drives Donna up onto the podium where clearly, she belongs. The Essential Sheer is ranked 3rd with a robust 185.2 points.

And now the earlier pair. The re-ranked Satin Sheers leap into 4th place with a very respectable 158.8 points, and our reigning Queen of the vast realm of Pantyhose remains Hanes. God Save the Silky Sheers.

I must confess, that I do not have a model lined up for next weeks review. I will clearly be doing a little shopping between now and then (stimulus comes in many, many forms, economic and tactile) and hope to find a worthy pair to introduce to you, dear friend.

Happy to have your suggestions in the meantime too. Don’t be shy. Got a tip? Leave a comment.

Till next time, happy dressing!