Mar 5, 2009

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade - Victoria's Secret

If it's Thursday, it must be Pantyhose. I have been busy these last few months scouring the racks of shops fine and less so to greedily purchase, carefully handle, brazenly wear and then haughtily pass judgement on the silky things we sometimes pull up our long legs.

This cross dresser has a thing for hosiery that goes back a long, long way. I distinctly remember a young temptress in my 7th grade class, expertly prowling, preying and feasting on the attention of the opposite and entirely unprepared sex. Advanced of intellect and of physique she weaponized her natural assets one day, donning grown-up sheers when the rest of the girls still sported little-girl leotards. She knew exactly the effect she had on everyone. The girls were mad jealous, the boys were transfixed, and the teacher himself was a little lost, distracted and weakened. Such power in the gossamer yarn.

And as to temptress, I can only imagine the emotional wreckage left in her feminine wake over the decades.

Now, back to my own legs which are presently moored within a pair of
Victoria’s Secret Flatter Me Control Tops. Vicky is ubiquitous. Like her or not, you cannot ignore her. Let me describe my relationship with this temptress:

She is flame. I am moth.

Her carefully nurtured brand image is analogous to really good makeup. It has the effect of making everything underneath or within it seem a little more beautiful and valuable than close inspection might reveal.

For this perception, we consumers happily part with a couple of dollars here and there that we might not if we were perfectly rational consumers. Rationality however is not a noted trait of our sorority. With that said, I know that I am far from perfect, but will try to be close to rational.

Taking it from top to toe here is what the legs are telling me. The panty portion is a very high Lycra content shaper whose very functional design still favors fashion and femininity. Fashion, by sitting very surely at or just below the waistline, thereby not running the risk of peeking above skirt top. Femininity, by fusing panty to leg with a fine floral flourish. Entirely unnecessary, and entirely appreciated. Bonus points too, from the very subtle built-in butt lifter. Truly a fine crossdresssers garment in so far as it really smooths out whatever padding you supply to compensate for what nature missed.

Proceeding in a southerly direction to the legs. Just nice. A very sure, tight and yet cool feel on the leg. A sophisticated and dressy matte finish that I find very flattering. I would want just a little lower a Lycra content in the leg (I am only guessing, but it feels like 15% --- sorry --- the packaging went out with the recycling yesterday). The feel therefore lacks a little of the electric X factor that I favor in my hose. Clearly, there are more sheer leggings in the price range. Surely, there are more silky feeling nylons in this price range. I suspect however that Victoria (O I do want to believe that there is a Victoria) made a very rational decision in putting these together and on the shelves. She wanted enough durability in the leg to keep up with and last as long as the sexy Kevlar fortified portion up top. I think she got it, and I don’t mind giving up a little feel for that.

Having now been flattered by the Flatter Me’s, I will return the favor. Without doubt, these are the best fitting pantyhose I have ever worn. A rare 9.5 in this category. Strong Random Merit Points for the panty detail and booty lifting engineering.

At a retail price of $12.50, they earn a laudable 162.1 Petra’s Pantyhose Points to just miss the winners podium. 4th place out of 13 tested models, and a vast prairie of nylon yet to cross. Hanes, Calvin Klein, and Donna Karan remain poised, glimmering and ready to fight off next weeks pretender.

I can’t wait to find out who she is….

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