Pantyhose Parade – High Waist Sheer Combat Round II

As promised in late December here, we move on to the SCC (Sara’s Corporate Conference) featuring an epic intra-brand battle of the bulge between Spanx, and her value priced sibling, Assets by Sara Blakely. To recap the procedure, I go shopping. Then I cast a flinty eye upon my sheer thigh, take copious notes, and apply a series of grades to the product . Finally, I run those numbers through a scoring algorithm of such complexity that steam emerges from my laptop vents and I get a nice facial in. The results are shared with you, dear reader, and I feel as though in some way, I am of service. Perhaps the authorities on my home planet will see this goodness in me, and organize the long promised rescue mission. I do live in hope.

In Round One, Donna Karan notched out Ann Taylor to emerge from the Ivy League Conference a glittering winner. This week, its up and over with the girl who started this whole wonderful trend of shape shifting hosiery, the lovely Sara Blakely. Way back in 2001 Sara really quite single-handedly brought a then revolutionary hosiery product to market designed to flatter both the legs and the butts of their bearer. VPL’s were the enemy, and Sara was relentless in her war. I love that sort of moxie, and really admire people who challenge the status quo. It never hurts if they are completely cute either.

Spanx went from strength to strength, broadened product lines, penetrated the shelves of some upmarket shops, won an endorsement from Oprah, got flashed on numerous occasions by the lovely Tyra Banks, and really grew a nice little business. This attracted the attention of all sorts of bigger vendors who have shamelessly aped the Spanx approach. I suppose that is how the free market is supposed to work, but that is not my arena of expertise. Personally, I am more in pursuit of a run-free market.

To fuel growth and fend off the catty competition, Spanx created a value line known as Assets by Sara Blakely which today stack the shelves of some more down-market general retailers, notably Target here in the US of A. There is a lot of mirroring and overlap between the 2 product lines which gives us all choice. The choices this week are the All The Way Up! High-Waisted Full-Length Pantyhose (pictured at left) and the Assets Perfect Pantyhose High Waist (below right).

These twisted-yarn sisters share a lot of DNA, so lets speak quickly about what they have in common and how they differ from top to toe. I will now switch up sports metaphor from basketball to tennis. Shared DNA? I think we can think of Spanx as Venus Williams, and Assets as Serena Williams, grappling in a leggy tie-break. Game on.

Waist-band: Similar construction, highly elasticized, non-grip material for both. Let serve. Spanx Love, Assets Love.
Torso reinforcement: Extra belly panel in the Spanx, uniform reinforced hosiery approach in the Assets. Spanx 15, Assets Love.
Gusset: The Spanx have a fully lined, trap-door gusset that facilitates (for some) easier calls of nature and an au naturelle approach to what is worn underneath, while the Assets have a typical, closed cotton panel. Spanx 30, Assets Love
Thigh – Smooth compression to 4” below the crotch line, with a clean, unfussy transition to sheer leg portion. Same, same. Let serve, the game remains Spanx 30, Assets Love
Leg Feel: Spandex Lycra© (15-19%) in aggregate for both, but with slightly distinct finishes and feels. The Spanx are more elastic and really adhere, practically glues to the leg, and do not wick very well. The Assets just feel better to me, both to hand and leg. They are more silky, and glide and give a little more easily. Spanx 30, Assets 15.
Leg Finish: They are both mid-sheer, good looking, somewhat dressy tights, but the Assets look a little better, slightly dressier, just a scooch more polished. They also catch light a touch better, and give off a little glamour and glimmer. Spanx 30, Assets 30.
Toe: Sandal toe for the Spanx, lightly reinforced toe for the Assets. More shoe choices for the pricier pair, longer (theoretical) last for the Assets. I am a closed-toe gal on a budget, so the line judge calls a foot fault on Venus and the point goes to Serena. Spanx 30, Assets 40.
Price: Serving for the game, Assets throws an ace. Spanx were defenseless really, retailing at $28.00 to little sister Assets aggresive $16.00.

Game, set, and match to Assets.

A tennis match is typically closer than the score indicates. My grading machine turned out scores for these products that are the closest that any two pairs of tights have been in 1 year plus of hosiery reviews here. They scored within 0.1% of each other, with the Assets getting the barest margin of victory of all times. I will share all the scores with you at the conclusion of this odd epic.

In the meantime, to the mother of these superb, game-changing prodigies Ms. Blakely, I say sincerely thanks. What pride must be yours.

More will follow including a battle between NCAA (Nice, Cheap, All-American) Conference entries from L’eggs next time in the Pantyhose Parade.

Till then, happy dressing and happy everything else.

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – Stockingirl.com Edition

The parade is a day late this week because of a stroke of enormous good fortune. The originally intended post was, at best, a random pile of stretched metaphor and torn imagery, the literary equivalent of a cheap hookers even cheaper fishnets after too long a night. I simply couldn’t get the words right. Then, just as blogger-despair was about to set in, a message in my in-box:

You Won!

More on the particulars of exactly what I won, and from whom down-post, but just for a moment, let me tell you that I never win things. I have good fortune in life in general, but as far as contests, raffles, lotteries, fast moving check-out lines and other such random events go, nada, rien, zilch. Never.

Friends would tell you that I use up my full quota of good random luck up parking. Its uncanny really, great spots just appear upon need. And the luck is not wasted on me either: I have great skills, regardless of footwear. I am fearless about the u-turn parallel park maneuver on busy urban streets. Flush and flat to curb on first and only required attempt, right in front of the restaurant without wheel scraping, arousing a full spectrum of reactions from complete strangers, from jealous rage to manly admiration.

I park, therefore I am.

But win things? Nah. One must try though you know. Last week, my favorite Fashion Blogger, Couture Carrie partnered up with Stockingirl.com to provide a glimmer of hope to their many fans by putting a madly glimmering pair of stockings up for grabs. The cost of entry? O, I had to push myself to somehow to take a stroll through CC’s beautifully curated pictorial display of lust-worthy light-catching metallic finish party dresses, and then drive enough oxygen to my brain to summon up a comment on the post. Poor Petra …

More on CC later, but for now, a better introduction to Stockingirl and my new stockings. Stockingirl has been catering to the requirements of refined hosiery enthusiasts around the world through their online store for close to 10 years now. They go right to the mills with great ideas that are often executed exculsively, and simply will not be found elsewhere. For variety, style, product knowledge, value and all around aesthetics, they are leaders. There is very little that Stockingirl carries that I do not want on my legs at some time or another in the happy future.

Right at the top of my own wish list was the pair in the contest, the Shiny Metallic Seamed Faux Fully Fashioned Nylon Sandalfoot Stockings. Not demure looking are they? The back-seam of course whispers sweet nothings to my readily engaged sense of nostalgia for by-gone times of hosiery glory. OK, fair enough, perhaps the effect is a little louder than a whisper. It’s a molten, liquid golden siren song. A song that will be soon serenading my legs. I'm really thinking about a new wig too. That auburn waterfall is almost too much.

Please visit them. They stock a terrific range of extra long stockings, and I know that I have a good number of tallish visitors here. You know who are you. You can expect a nice welcome from Stockingirl I am quite certain.

As to Couture Carrie, pay her a visit from time to time. She is the smiling one to the right. As a group, we cross dressers are noted too often for tragic fashion choices. It’s an odd thing really, when you consider how central dressing is to our habits. CC’s blog has been an inspiration, and has helped me raise my style game more than a notch or two. O, and she runs contests every now and then. Maybe you will be the next delighted winner. Good luck!

My regular tights review / reverie returns next week with a completely new chapter. I have a backlog of high-waisted, super-shaping sheers that I want to introduce you to. But first, let me take my notes to the garage for a tune up.

And again, thanks to Carrie and the nice ladies at Stockingirl!

Happy dressing, and everything else.

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – Anti-Pantyhose Defamation League Edition

Darlings, two things, first: Don’t believe everything you read.

Some samples for your consideration:

…They too got quite a large run in them the first day, it's continued to get larger….
… don't plan on taking them up and down more than a few times before you have an enormously wide runner …
… First wearing yielded several holes and runs. Nail polish patches. Second wearing? Huge runs and they went in the trash, (and lastly)
… I wore them for one day....there are multiple holes & runs in them already.

These comments, gleaned from the Target web site, were read before I purchased (and with no small trepidation friends), this weeks model and sliding them under my high resolution thighcroscope©. You can imagine, I was prepared for a let down. Happily, a let down that did not happen. I was reminded of something a rather wise person said to me under forgotten circumstances years ago, and so secondly: A good carpenter never blames the tools.

Now, before I go to this weeks product review I want to tug on your scarf a second. Ladies and sometimes gentle men, take your time dressing, take care while dressed, and take care undressing. Please. Yes, I understand that life is busy and that we have many pressing demands. But dressing is a nice ritual, so take an extra minute, catch your breath, and be mindful of what you are doing. This will not only help you look great and feel comfortable, but will allow you to get value for your money. When that happens you will likey spend more time being happy about your choices, and that cannot be bad.

Before naming and reviewing the slighted tights, I will refer you (you genetic girls and full-time women too), to two helpful links:

For a primer on hosiery care please visit the erudite Tights Lover at
The Panty Drawer . Sound advice.

For a game-changing, step by step tutorial on how to correctly don a pair of tights, take a minute after that with Shapings.com. For those of us made neither of money or porcelain, knowing these things will help.

And now, back to our previously scheduled programming. Thank you for your patience.

Long time readers of these Voyages en Rose know that I harbor a smoldering crush on the founder and leader of the Spanx empire, Sara Blakely. Smarts, initiative, innovation and beauty, there is a lot to like. Truly, the world owes here a little round of applause for breathing modern life into a foundation garment industry in long decline. Her Power Panty’s helped raise consciousness about butt and belly shaping aids, and in so doing, brought them out of the intimate recesses of the boudoir and into the boardroom. This ever growing class of underthings have, in the process of their popularization, eradicated an aggregate length of visible panty lines that would stretch to the moon and back. God bless Sara.

I had worn (quite happily) the Spanx High Waisted sheers in the past, but for a couple of reasons did not review them here. My formula is built to evaluate standard issue sheers and was not as kind to Sara as her super-reinforced, stealth technology shaping hose were to me. I wanted to redress her absence from my rankings here this week, and so picked up a pair of the Spanx value brand entry, Assets by Sara Blakely. Assets can be found at Target amongst other such places, while the principal and pricier brand, Spanx, is found typically in slightly more upmarket shops. At the top end is the Haute Contour line, luxurious figure fixing finery to be loved and desired surely, but for me, shunned until I get down to 1 mortgage payment.

In any event, about the Perfect Pantyhose. I will first focus on the unique, and superb element of these hose that I would want to see on everything I wear. An absolutely superb waistband (pictured above). Broad, soft and sure, with a gentle, accordioned elastic that breathes with the fortunate and flattered form contained therein. It is the very height of comfort. Throughout the panty, the weave has a strong bias against being hoisted unattractively above ones skirt line, which, given how much time I spent propped up on high bar stools is a key consideration.

Modesty preserved then, let us travel now in a southerly direction. Superb comfort, excellent fit, and all the smoothing and trimming elements that both cross dressers and any women desirous of a flatter tummy requires. Booty territory gets some attention too with a little lifting effect in the right place. Thigh slimming reinforcement runs to roughly 4” down-leg and fuses smoothly with the sheer boot portion. Lastly on fabrication, the toe seam is very subtly and beautifully finished. Sandal ready, again provided you put a moments care into pulling them on.

Clearly, in construction, this is a garment meant to withstand long days, and many of them, notwithstanding the harsh words from the reviews above. I have now given these 2 full days of wear and one washing. Good as new. A very durable feel without the sacrifice of any of the nice feminine softness that we want from our prettiest things. And now, to the leg, where the feel, finish and fashion elements show.

From mid-thigh to tip-top, this well elasticized 16% Lycra run resistant yarn has a nice dressy, but not flashy look. I suspect they are close to 15 denier sheerness which is fine enough to say “come hither” at the same time as they effectively obscure the blemishes you may have picked up shaving or falling out of trees in your youth. Glide happily from day to night without being out of place, any place. Comfortably too, as cool as they are. I can distinguish no material difference between the look and feel of these relative to the marquee Spanx line of sheers. Possibly just a little softer even, but with at least 99% shared DNA in the pretty little family. Yeah, at nearly half the price.

Price must always be a consideration though. At $12.00, these retail at 2X of a recently reviewed entry from Sears. Are they twice as good? By any objective measurement, no. But there must be some subjective impulses we follow, and follow these I will. Good, strong scores all around with high Random Merit points for the waist construction. Even burdened with a not-everyday-wear price point, the Assets Perfect Pantyhose slide and shimmer into 8th spot on the crowded Pantyhose Parade Podium with 162.1 points in a mathematical tie (our very first) with Victoria’s Secret Flatter-Me Control top. I drop Victoria a notch down by virtue of the truth that she exists only in imaginations while Sara exists in the flesh. Truly, there is a woman I could go shopping with. Any of these terrific tights are, to me, go-to choices if what you are out for a just a little less of you and a little more of oomph. Just please take care of them, and they will take care of you.

Happy Dressing, and everything else…

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Year of Living Hosiery – Part 2

In last weeks parade review of our constantly expanding and yet still nicely fitting Universe of Pantyhose, viewed through the eyes (and paid for through the nose) of this cross dresser, I generalized on my year-to-date findings and delightful learnings. I did name a few names, but focused more on trends of thought that emerged from the crowded top drawer of my admittedly obsessed mind. This week, a few specifics on the great and less so, and a regrading of a brand that seems better with time.

I maintain a pretty detailed spreadsheet of hosiery purchases. After a typical shopping sortie I enter a few values including place of purchase, country of manufacture, brand and model number, color, fabric content, and sheerness. I then make notes regarding their construction (control top, sandal foot, sheer to waist, boarding and stitch method, etc.). Then the fun bits: I say hello to my little friends and they get rolled up and on to my leggy laboratory. To the best extent possible they get a full days wearing, sometimes in the great open outdoors fully en femme, more often though here in the relative privacy and comfort of my own home.

After a few false starts in early parades, the 4 key categories of Fit, Finish, Style and Feel emerged as useful barometers. Tested hosiery is granted a score between 1 and 10 for each of these categories with one catch: I do not give 10’s. A final and entirely capricious value is added that at heart, measures my passion for the current pair. All of these values are added, averaged, squared, divided by cost and multiplied by a constant that spreads the scores out over a fairly large scale. This formula rewards quality and value. At the top of the chart today is Hanes, and holding last place at 20th, are the Spanx All the Way Up’s. Lets start at the bottom and work our way up, shall we?

Spanx Revisited. Big mea culpa here dear friends. In my original review, I tested the All The Way Up sheers (pictured at right). These specialty, high waisted, body tamers should not be judged in the same flight as traditional, seated at the waist pantyhose. While they score very highly for fit and register in the upper 1/3rd on all other categories, their high cost ($28.00) cripples them. The Leggs Silken Mist Waist Cincher is equally in the wrong room here. This is a class of hosiery deserving of its' own pretty parade, and I will stage one in upcoming weeks. Body sculpting tights are very useful underthings for very dressy evening wear, and worthy of exploring in greater depths (and yes, heights I suppose). My mad crush on the energetic and alluring Sara Blakely continues to smolder, and so I will test more traditional low rise pantyhose from Spanx in upcoming weeks. I expect them to perform well.

Worthington Revisited. The JC Penney house brand did not fare well in my original review. I took them out for another spin yesterday. Fit still excellent, but having judged later and weaker entries less harshly, I went back to the original scores and added one half point across the board to their original scores for finish, style, and feel. I think I had subconsciously downgraded them in part because the check out lady clearly did not approve of cross dressers. Or perhaps she simply does not like people. In any event, that day, Penney’s felt like a Soviet era department store and the feeling lingered throughout the test session. These are fine hose. Pretty floral detail through the panty, run resistance that does not ruin the finish, and very durable. When you consider the practically permanent “Buy 1, get 1 for ½ price” offer at JCP, the Lace Tanga Control Top is a terrific value, fine for everyday wear, and newly promoted to 14th place above lesser efforts from No-Nonsense.

Hanes Silk Reflections Revisited. The marks do not change. I believe that I got them right. I feel the need to say a few things about the top ranked product. Faintest shimmer, just south of a glimmer from them. Very smooth yarn is invisible to the eye, and practically liquid to the touch. Superb. Very subtle contruction, suitable for the most clingy fashions. Available in toe finishes to suit your favorite shoes, very cool to wear. The Silky Sheer Control Top is an unassailably good value, and a complete delight to wear. It is going to take a miracle to knock the tiara off Ms. Pantyhose Universe. I live in hope of miracles every day.

Wolford Revisited (ed.and never often enough). In a world where money is no object, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would be 24/7, tummy to toe, in these most peerless sheers, the Luxe 9’s. Part science, part magic, all delight. They cling, but they glide. They are weightless, but you feel them. They are invisible, but beautiful. Their $30.00 retail tag is steep yes, steep to the extent that they are driven to 12th place of 20 contestants in overall Petra Points, but some feelings are more precious than money. I implore you to skip a meal or 2. Buy some Wolfords.

So from top to bottom, from gusset to ground, here is The Pantyhose Parade organized by Petra Points. On the podium, gold to Hanes Silk Reflections (205.0 Petra Points) with an envious silver to Calvin Klein’s Matte Ultra Sheer Control Tops (194), and a laudable bronze going to the Donna Karan Bronze Satin Sheers (185.2).

If you would like a closer look, simply click on the image. For those of you who want to review the archives, just search this site for “Petra’s Pantyhose Parade”, glide into something comfortable and settle in for a couple of hours of overindulgence. For those of you with suggestions about what I ought to wear next, I am all ears when not admiring my own thighs. For the rest of us all, please visit on Thursdays for fresh news from the hosiery’s sheer frontiers. Next week, Berkshires.

In closing, 20 Pairs of pantyhose, $215.72. Gas for 14 shopping trips, $35.00. Knowing Pantyhose better, priceless.

Happy dressing - Petra

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – Wednesday Special – No Nonsense II

Food critics will always visit a restaurant at least twice, and often more, before rendering a judgment that may in the future reflect unfairly on the establishment, or call their own taste into question. Well, when this cross dressing hosiery critic first reviewed No Nonsense in February of this year, it was an off night for pantyhose. In fact, I could not wait to get them off. Full review linked here, but here is the pithy conclusion:

… They breath poorly. I know that after a long day confined in a nice fitting pair of day sheers it is an airy pleasure peeling them off, but I was a mere 15 minutes in captivity and starting to get itchy. The prospects of the full day loomed as impossible. I thought perhaps I was experiencing vicarious hot flashes, remembered my commitment to you, and settled in for the day. It wasn’t a delight friends. And 2 hours into it, I threw in the towel. And then I toweled off….

My word, that was bitchy. Not entirely what I like to hear from myself.

I did promise in that review to revisit No Nonsense (ed. after a court ordered trial separation) to see if perhaps I was just a little harsh, just a little snippy to our hard-working, earnest, and modestly priced friends. It seemed to me that after swanning around the globe to slide Chinese, English and Italian hosiery up my all too willing legs, that I might just stay near to home, enjoy some domestic comfort food, and perhaps have a sunnier disposition about the No Nonsense brand.

And so, with an open mind (ed. short memory?), and all the good will in the world, I snapped up a pair of Smart Support Control Tops, to go back for seconds.

A handful of things made this model interesting to me. First, the promise of an Ultra Sheer Leg. Second, the nude shade, Beige Mist suited my complexion well from what I could gather from the package. These 2 things together improved the likelihood that my new Smart Controls would be a great warm weather option.

The last thing that intrigued was the concept of Graduated Compression. Now, having flunked out of two truly superb universities, I rather hoped that a pair of Graduated Pantyhose would help complete me somehow. The idea of graduated compression is to provide a tighter weave on the lower parts of the leg so that the nylons provide a little of the circulatory oomph that nature loses with time. Terrific concept, and Nobel-worthy to my thinking. And yet again, graduation has failed to impact the odd trajectory of my life. Periodically, oxygen does not make it to my brain in full enough supply, but my legs seem fine without the help. I simply could not feel the difference.

So, on to the rest of the product. Polite applause only my dear friends. On the plus side there is care taken making the product. The seams are well finished, the toe is tidy, the panty portion is firm and comfortable, the waist band does not roll, and really, they look attractive enough. Attractive is at the heart of the problem though: what attracts the eye are the pantyhose, and not the legs. A good pair of pantyhose becomes one with the leg, and makes the leg more attractive. This weeks model simply sit on top of the leg. Ultra Sheer is an overpromise. Lastly, while not quite so warm on the leg as the Silk Indulgence model, they are still a tad cozy.

Dear friends, for the price ($3.99), they are a good performer. One should not I suppose expect greatness from the spare change you can shake out of your purse. A high grade (7.0) for fit, but 4.5 – 5.5 for the all important finish, style and feel criteria. 1.0 only for random merit. I could not imagine wearing these to my own funeral. I might wear them while selecting my grave site if the place was completely overgrown and likely to tear a run in a finer pair, but that is as close as they would get to my eternal and eternally sheer place of rest. All of this contibutes to a 15th place rank out of 20 tested pairs. Furthermore the Silk Indulgence has laddered over time from 9th, when first tested to its' present 17th place perch.

These No Nonsense Control Tops are the 20th pair of pantyhose reviewed here in this ongoing and hopefully endless parade. Tomorrow, a look back on The Year of Living Hosiery©. It’s a fitting time to reflect on what I have learned to date before getting busy with a new autumn rush of tights.

Ta ra till then, happy dressing, and etc…

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade - Versione Italiana

Chianti and Maserati. Cappuccino and Piazzas. Chaotic intersections and hot tempers. Wonderful Italian things all. Petra is not a big fan of the Italian brand of football (big generalization, scuse, por favore, too conservative, winning goals scavenged on frustrated fields), but in matters of fashion it must be said that Forza Azzuri plays a wide open and spirited game. Such is the glory of Rome (or Milan I suppose).

Other glory emerges from Italy in the form of the all too scarce Glory line of hosiery, and gets a little blog-light here today. I made a glancing reference to clichéd “flashy and operatic” Italian characteristics in last weeks Pantyhose Parade as a look ahead to the then untested 30D’s under the thighcroscope this week. Flashy and operatic are the wrong terms. More below, but briefly here a quick recapitulation of the protocols of this parade ...

I like pantyhose (ed. you think?). They were at hand for my first cross dressing forays, and my living will stipulates Wolford Luxe 9’s (in black of course) when put to rest. And so hoping to further everyone’s appreciation of this delightful and womanly garment, I shop. I play the field far and wide, up-market and down. Gossamer Sheer, lustrous Matte and everything in between that I can get my greedy hands on. I then get as objective as I can and apply 1-10 scores across a handful of commonly desired traits (fit, finish, style and feel). Lastly added is a random and very subjective value. The subjective value is arrived at by posing this question of myself:

“Would I wear these to my own funeral?”

These numbers get grinded through a formula that rewards lower prices, and lines up the legs from best to next. Color commentary on the hose and the place of purchase where it might be helpful is thrown in. All published on Thursdays apropos of my desire to present an online version of “Must See CD”. Ahem.

Continuing now…

Our Italian entry is a great day-to-night stalwart. I feared that the high 30 denier would make for a coarse and plain finish, but this single covered Elastine© reinforced yarn yields a suprisingly nice dressy and high quality appearance. This yarn method provides plenty of torque which is easily maintained through long hours of wear. They fix to the legs very surely, coolly and comfortably. The run-resistant tuck stitching guards against dreaded laddering, as do the reinforced toes (good bye sandals and peep toes). A very satiny feel to hands and legs and a confident, subtly shining overall look. Quality finishing at waistband, and pretty scalloping through the sheer to waist construction makes for comfort and freedom to wear outrageously slitted skirts. Again, day to night at the flick of a few revealing buttons for the brave.

Value priced too for an import at $7.99. All of these qualities add up to a pretty attractive score and a well earned stride into the middle of the pack with 156.5 Petra Points and a running rank of 8 from a current field of 17. Bravo Glory.

Now, the sad news for those of us not taking Autumn in Tuscany – Glory is harder to find on these shores than a truly great Lombardy Grana Padano cheese. I found my pair in the Shapings boutique, and you might find the even sleeker 20D model online at the Femme Fatale Boutique. You will be happy if you do, but given the abundance of choice we all have, I do not expect to create a run on, or in, this very attractive fashion accessory any time soon.

Next week, I really can’t see from here. Which means of course it is time to shop. I hope to find some terrific new product and am praying for fresh descriptive language to describe my delights. If you have a favorite you have not seen reviewed here, just drop a line.

Happy dressing …

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade - Victoria's Secret

If it's Thursday, it must be Pantyhose. I have been busy these last few months scouring the racks of shops fine and less so to greedily purchase, carefully handle, brazenly wear and then haughtily pass judgement on the silky things we sometimes pull up our long legs.

This cross dresser has a thing for hosiery that goes back a long, long way. I distinctly remember a young temptress in my 7th grade class, expertly prowling, preying and feasting on the attention of the opposite and entirely unprepared sex. Advanced of intellect and of physique she weaponized her natural assets one day, donning grown-up sheers when the rest of the girls still sported little-girl leotards. She knew exactly the effect she had on everyone. The girls were mad jealous, the boys were transfixed, and the teacher himself was a little lost, distracted and weakened. Such power in the gossamer yarn.

And as to temptress, I can only imagine the emotional wreckage left in her feminine wake over the decades.

Now, back to my own legs which are presently moored within a pair of Victoria’s Secret Flatter Me Control Tops. Vicky is ubiquitous. Like her or not, you cannot ignore her. Let me describe my relationship with this temptress:

She is flame. I am moth.

Her carefully nurtured brand image is analogous to really good makeup. It has the effect of making everything underneath or within it seem a little more beautiful and valuable than close inspection might reveal.

For this perception, we consumers happily part with a couple of dollars here and there that we might not if we were perfectly rational consumers. Rationality however is not a noted trait of our sorority. With that said, I know that I am far from perfect, but will try to be close to rational.

Taking it from top to toe here is what the legs are telling me. The panty portion is a very high Lycra content shaper whose very functional design still favors fashion and femininity. Fashion, by sitting very surely at or just below the waistline, thereby not running the risk of peeking above skirt top. Femininity, by fusing panty to leg with a fine floral flourish. Entirely unnecessary, and entirely appreciated. Bonus points too, from the very subtle built-in butt lifter. Truly a fine crossdresssers garment in so far as it really smooths out whatever padding you supply to compensate for what nature missed.

Proceeding in a southerly direction to the legs. Just nice. A very sure, tight and yet cool feel on the leg. A sophisticated and dressy matte finish that I find very flattering. I would want just a little lower a Lycra content in the leg (I am only guessing, but it feels like 15% --- sorry --- the packaging went out with the recycling yesterday). The feel therefore lacks a little of the electric X factor that I favor in my hose. Clearly, there are more sheer leggings in the price range. Surely, there are more silky feeling nylons in this price range. I suspect however that Victoria (O I do want to believe that there is a Victoria) made a very rational decision in putting these together and on the shelves. She wanted enough durability in the leg to keep up with and last as long as the sexy Kevlar fortified portion up top. I think she got it, and I don’t mind giving up a little feel for that.

Having now been flattered by the Flatter Me’s, I will return the favor. Without doubt, these are the best fitting pantyhose I have ever worn. A rare 9.5 in this category. Strong Random Merit Points for the panty detail and booty lifting engineering.

At a retail price of $12.50, they earn a laudable 162.1 Petra’s Pantyhose Points to just miss the winners podium. 4th place out of 13 tested models, and a vast prairie of nylon yet to cross. Hanes, Calvin Klein, and Donna Karan remain poised, glimmering and ready to fight off next weeks pretender.

I can’t wait to find out who she is….

Petra's Pantyhose Parade – Between me and my Calvin’s

Dear dear depilated and leggy friends. Far from the glimmering finish line we are, but we can take comfort not only from the electric thrill of lycra-rich sheers on our collective thighs, but also from the emerging reality that, with your patience, my formula for judging the merits of pantyhose is now standing up well to repeated scrutiny.

For the first 4 weeks of Petra’s Pantyhose Parade some new discovery or unconsidered consideration caused me to slink back to the math and tweak my too too complex matrix. Recently however, the formula has been rock solid and returned to me results true, O so true. The numbers and my legs have a perfectly straight back-seam line. All that is required now is time immeasurable and a 7 figure bailout to fund an epic shopping spree. With those 2 small, small gifts I am confident I can return to you a gold standard, a true north, a magic touchstone that fully reveals the good, the bad and the saggy of the entire loving world of Pantyhose.

Failing those little gifts, I will continue to deliver it here in weekly increments.

Again, the ground rules:

I seek no favors from the selfless merchants who labor long to clothe our legs. I am beyond corruption. That is to say, I am so irredeemably corrupted by life itself that a new pair or 2 of free tights would barely get my attention. If, however, you are a senior VP of marketing of such a firm who might look kindly on me and my sisters, I promise to distribute your largesse (container loads only please) fairly. Ship me what you can. I will line up the ladies, from thinnest to thickest ankles, and make your hose proud, so proud.

If, however, you are in a position of influence or responsibility at Calvin Klein, I have a ’97 Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon with your name on it simply for bringing the CK Matte Ultra Sheer Control Top Pantyhose to the attention of my many friends and I. You are my hero.

I splashed out a bit at a Macy’s last week. Lovely assistant who knew my size in a knowing top-to-toe glance. I knew in a glance as well that I wanted her boots. But that is for another day.

On this day I am compelled to report that caramel can be woven into a 20 Denier sheer fabric. Yes the label indicates 14% Lycra and the rest (minus the cotton gusset) in nylon, but they are lying, damn them, lying! If not for the diminishing flexibility that comes with advancing years, I would gladly have eaten my own thigh once my Calvin’s glided into place.

Forgive me, it is difficult to not be rhapsodic about these pantyhose. I will go now to bullet point mode and attempt to regain my newly shredded journalistic credentials:

• A nearly liquid feel. You expect ripples when you touch them


• Tight, even yarn that moves on the leg, but is in sure and constant touch


• Fashion forward reinforcement – clean lines between leg and panty right at the hinge of the thigh


• Sewn-in CK logo provides easy retrieval from crowded, chaotic hosiery drawers


• A healthy nude shade not exactly like any other I own called Praline. It looks like a tan of a far wealthier women than I


• Holds shape as though life itself (if not fashion) depended on it, and


• Possessed of an X factor that just makes you feel like a thousand fragrant kisses.

And this by the way from someone who is not much impressed with labels. I am not easily moved by a big brand, friends. But I do know how to fall in love.

And here I am. Smitten. Hopelessly so. And I don’t mind.

The current champ, Nordstrom Sheers have been effortlessly flicked off the pedestal with a massive ~33% improvement in Petra Pantyhose Points. The adjusted top 3 are charted here. And there is now nothing between me and my Calvin’s, but the next pretender to the throne. I urge you to look under the couch cushions (and do bend at the knee for the love of god) to scrape together the necessary $12.00. If you cannot manage that, drop me a line, and I will create a distraction by attempting to steal the Macy’s Sales Assistant boots. That may provide you the cover required to fill your handbag with these pantyhose of evidently unrivalled quality.

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - Wolford

Once upon a time, I smoked. Briefly, I owned a Dunhill lighter. It was well tooled. It looked handsome. It felt like something real in pocket and substantial in hand. It lit. Without fail. And then one day, it vanished. Drink is a terrible thing.

I mention this only because I am thinking now of how long it took me to forget my Dunhill lighter. Everything after felt tinny, and then, plastic. And perhaps, as evidenced by this reverie, I have not yet fully recovered from the loss. When a luxurious experience combines with a well developed sense of entitlement, the result is a thing commonly known as a comfort threshold. A new standard that makes all prior experience a pale Polaroid propped up beside an old master.

Luxury corrupts like nothing else. Power, even absolute power, is Cinderella’s ugly sister by comparison. Luxury. Now there is a drug.

With that said, dear leggy friend, I must tell you that this week I misguidedly purchased and just moments ago pulled on my very first pair of Wolford tights.

The Wolford Luxe 9 is an ultra sheer, (yes, the 9 is 9 Denier) super transparent, dress legging. They are possessed of a combination of gossamer lightness and tightness of yarn that cannot be either fully anticipated or easily described with words, mere words. The subtle reinforcement through the panty provides more visual appeal than support, but don’t worry, nobody will be looking at your waistline. The flat seamed waistband vanishes both from a look and feel perspective, and stays in place without need for attention.

They move on your legs in way that you have not felt before. They achieve a smooth glide over and around flexed, bending and striding legs. They hold shape without evidence of effort. They glimmer not. They do not need to. They make you believe with fierce conviction, instantly, that the superb sensations they confer are precisely what you deserve, need and crave for all of your remaining upright earthly moments.

Lastly, they achieve an effect that contradicts logic, and frankly, has me flummoxed. They are invisible, and yet they vastly improve the appearance of the human cargo borne within. What dangerous alchemy has been harnessed bestride the Danube? Who are these Austrian sorcerers? And what magic have they wrung from an otherwise dull periodic table of elements?

These, to me, are not pantyhose. They are a Faustian bargain with a nice light cotton gusset thrown in. They demand an instant upgrade to every other element in your life from purse to pumps. Never, and I mean never, have I felt such an overwhelming urge to shave my legs. Loyal readers of this column (Hi Mom!) will know that I have not yet crossed this threshold. I know now that this is inevitable. And necessary. And dignified. It must be done. My Wolford’s deserve nothing less.

It is too late for me dear reader. I am here to save you. Please, for pity’s sake, buy not the Wolford. For if you do, we will meet, destitute and relying on the kindness of strangers for simpler and now to me, entirely trivial comforts like food and shelter, in our declining years.

Ah yes, and now the ranking exercise. I will confess to having paid full retail of $30.00 in a Neiman Marcus that had everything else under the sun on sale. My scientifically and entirely rational scoring system simply cannot accommodate the magnificence of these superb strumpfhose. Their high ticket price unfairly fetters them into 3rd place out of 6 rated contenders. Please accept my abject apologies for my inability to create a mathematical model that pays adequate tribute to these magnificent pantyhose.

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - Volume 2

Hello to you my leggy friends, and welcome to the second installment of this hopefully educational and inspirational regular feature, Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. A couple of notes first. In the first issue I created a score card for the tested product. In hindsight (and I don’t mean over my shoulder into a full length mirror) I don’t like my criteria. Well, if I have learned anything in life, its that a girl can be wrong. And a lady always makes it right. So a couple of changes are introduced here:

I scored the tights on durability. I take it back. Durability is something that we can sacrifice for good looks every now and then. And the way tights run is so awfully random that its simply not fair to introduce this note so early in the relationship with a nice new pair. Additionally, you simply cannot estimate how well pantyhose will hold up to washing, repeated wearing, and getting pulled off too quickly when someone comes home just a little earlier then you figured. So, durability gone.

I also scored just how well the pantyhose obscure unsightly leg hair. But so many of you are brave, clever and fortunate enough to not have this problem. So, I won’t trouble you with my little issues. So, that’s another category gone. On this topic I will create a little post or 2 in the future with layering, hair coloring and other tricks and tips that some of you kind girls have shared. And as always, please keep the tips coming! Together, we look so much smarter than me. Don’t be shy, share what you know!

So lets run last weeks Danskins Shimmery Opaques back through the scoring machine …. These lovely tights go from a 70.4 to a 58.4. I am throwing in an additional 10 Petra Bonus Pantyhose Points though because they really are the perfect foundation layer for sheers. So, 68.4 points on a scale that runs from zero, all the way up to who knows where! Sort of a Richter Scale for legs.

So this weeks tested products are a couple of value priced leggings from

L’eggs! Now I must admit to being a hosiery snob. I had never worn L’eggs before. Last week though, a friend over at the Crossdresserclub encouraged me to try. That nice snapshot of your legs didn't hurt either Kay. Thanks!

I dropped into a Target in drab, and really cannot tell you much about the shopping experience. Just me in a busy holiday check out line with an odd handful of hose. I am sure all the purchases look pretty much the same after a while. No dent in the purse at a whopping $7.31 for a pair of nude Sheer Energy Sheer Panty and a black control top Silken Mist Waistband Free. What value.

Quick notes on both.

Sheer energy. This is a nice tight weave. Very high elastic content in the leg and through the panty. I did need to fix them to my legs with the rubber glove treatment but once pulled fully into place, they were locked and loaded. Super comfortable. You just know as well that there will be no sag in these performers. They are built for comfort but do not skimp on looks. These sheers have just a little sheen to them, they catch light nicely and truly do look like a much bigger fashion statement then the price tag indicates.

Silken Mist. A slightly lower lycra content (down to 14% from ~ 30%) than their everyday Sheer Energy sister. This has the effect of losing just a little of the lovely snugness that makes the Sheer Energy a delight to wear. I found that they gathered a touch at thigh top. Normally this is cured by simply pulling the panty a scooch higher, but that is not an option with this control top model. It is firm. Yum. The panty is beautifully reinforced and simply cannot range above the waistline. So do be gentle when pulling these up. As to the look and feel The Silken Mist line is tops. Beautifully sheer, a gorgeous finish by any standards let alone for a sub $4.00 entry. Gorgeous and good enough for a very nice night out.

L'eggs product is of course available at all the right discount shops, drug stores, gas stations and yes, online. As far as the online experience, please go and sign up for emails, enter the wardrobe contest, and enjoy the pretty pictures. The nice L’egg people will even send you coupons. And the range and variety of the product line is breathtaking. Who knew? So much more to wear. I am a complete convert.

And now for the scores…. Yes, the tested group is small, but our 2 entries from L'eggs are top of the charts at # 1 and 2. Remember, that low price really influences scores positively, and in these economic tough times I hope you agree with me. Petra is a girl on a budget after all. These outscore the Danskin by a factor of 3 largely because of the price and the really nice finish. I still love the Danskin, but think I have found a new everyday pantyhose partner in L'eggs. Its true, you simply cannot beat a great pair of L'eggs. You know I am going to keep trying though!

Please send your comments, and suggestions for my next test stroll. I don't need too much enouragement, but I respond to all of it. Remember, we can know everything there is to know about pantyhose, and then, truly, who can stop us?

Petra's Pantyhose Parade

Well friends, for many Crossdressers, this love started with hosiery. They always made legs look better. They were clearly garments that we boys were not supposed to wear. They were around the house in good enough quantities that if you liberated a pair from the laundry hamper, well who will notice, right? And when you pulled them up and on, O... The feel, the give, the look, the electric tingle, that even decades later just never goes away.

We love them as well because they can be worn discreetly in drab. When on, pantyhose remind us that they are there with the forgiving, but always felt, pull in the toes, the caress around the thigh and that smartening of the shape at the waist, hips (and everywhere else important).

For me, they are at the heart of my feminine side and a borderline fetish. And I am ok with that. I hope you are too. Because I propose as a regular feature of Voyages en Rose to review pantyhose and to share my findings with you my friends. I will take a scientific approach to pantyhose scrutiny. I will consider the quality of the the tested product keeping these all important characteristics in mind:

Fit: Are they true to package size chart. Are they comfortably snug all over? Do they sag with wear?
Finish: Do they look like a quality product? Do they flatter the leg?
Durability: Will they last more then a wear or 2? Did they ladder on first wear?
Feel: Just like it says. Is this smooth and luxurious or scratchy and dying to be peeled (or ripped) off?
Style: Are you Red Carpet ready? Are they au-courant? Are they timeless? Are you fabulous?
Obscures Hair Score: This is a big consideration for many of us. Petra in particular. Yes, I don't shave. I have never felt my legs smooth inside a quality sheer legging. I have much to live for.

I will apply a 1-10 score for tested hose, average these scores out, divide the average by the price of the pantyhose and multiple the result by 100. This way, inexpensive hosiery that performs well will have a great chance of grabbing a really high rank. I expect that $50.00 Wolfords will score high, but we may get surprised by some house brand offerings in the well under $10.00 range this way. Kind of like wine I suppose.

I will include anecdotes about shopping for my hose. Was the store CD friendly? Helpful with sizing information or product suggestions? All of that good stuff.

And I promise, I will write my reviews while I am wearing the product. The legs can’t lie girls.

This column needs your input too. Please add your comments. Share your experiences. Name your favorites. And name the lame please. If there is a pair that Petra should test drive, I don’t need much encouragement to hit the shops. And if you are a rep for a nice brand of pantyhose and want to comp me a pair or a container load full, I must warn you that I cannot be corrupted. But your generosity will be noted to my many leggy friends!

So file those toe nails – its time to get started!

Pantyhose Parade – Issue # 1.

Earlier today I asked a panel of experts (a chat thread over at The Cross Dresser Club) for advice about finding a nice glamorous pair of hose that does a nice job of covering my leg hair. The lovely and helpful LisaElizabeth immediately suggested Danskin. This is not the first time I have heard that the Danskin tight does the trick. And I am a lover of their leotards (second skin, lovely stuff). So the Shimmery Opaque tight (Danskin Model # 1331) is under the microscope (and around my nether regions) this evening.…

This afternoon I dropped into Atlanta's Dance Fashion Warehouse to test drive a pair or 2. I had called ahead and the nice woman with the vaguely eastern European accent was able to put my size and color selections on hold. I was not explicit that they were for me but I did not actively dodge the issue. I said hello when I arrived at the shop, but not relaxed enough to completely out myself and get to know the store, the people and the merchandise better. I will confess, my day job was getting in the way again. I promise to do better next time….

In any event, I asked about return and exchange policy in the event that they did not fit me, and she indicated that as long as they were in unopened packages, a full refund or exchange was available to me. So, yes I am out to the DFW (and I will be back).

At suggested retail of $12.50, these are a reasonably priced offering when you consider that Danskin makes gear for dancers who really put their tights through paces. These are clearly made to last and to endure hard wearing. You know when you handle them that they are simply not going to develop runs unless you get snagged fleeing a mob and needing to leap a chain link fence.

This durability and sureness in the fabric lends itself to a good (not great, but good) fit and feel scores. There is a good amount of elastic (9% spandex) and a high denier opaque finish so a good tight fit is to be expected. And fit is key to comfort. After 2 hours of wear, I have not felt the urge (ok I have not felt the need, I have given in to the urge) to hike them up at all.

These are all good things. It goes downhill though. From a style perspective, well there is nothing beyond the most generic look about them. And that is ok. It’s a pair of plain tights after all. It’s the finish that gets me though. Perhaps the “Light Toast” shade is just a little too close to the old fashioned bologna skin pantyhose look that the older Italian widows used to wear in my neighborhood. Perhaps the light bounces off them in a way that reminds me of the tights that girls in elementary school wore before they figured out how to flaunt their abundant assets. I just don’t think they bring the glamour. And that is a shame.

Now don’t get me wrong. The black tights will work terrifically. And I can work the fleshy shade into an outfit with a low boot, stirruped leg warmers, a big long sweater and a shawl over it all, but I don’t think these are tights that can stand a nicely heeled shoe, a pretty skirt and a night out.

So how do these babies score? Well they get 70.4 Petra Pantyhose Points. Today though, we have nothing to compare that to, so who knows how good they are. Stay tuned here for more updates. I swear to God girls, we can know everything there is to know about tights, and then who will dare stand in our way?