Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Softer Side of Sheers

Well my lovelies, those were some heights I attempted to climb earlier this week. The air was pretty thin up there above the theoretical clouds.Stretched as I was by the whole effort, I suffered a pulmonary edema on my descent which required some attention to my circulatory system.

Well nothing quite so right for the circulation than a nice new pair of control tops, and so, thankfully here on Thursday, it is time to ponder on and prose about the nearly weightless but always enduring virtues of pantyhose.

… The softer side of … North American readers may remember this line as a Sears campaign from the distant past. Many of us think of Sears as a fine place for tools and appliances, and perhaps a little less fine a place for items of fashion. That was certainly, and remains the case for me. The stores suffer from a pedestrian selection of styles, laboratory quality lighting, and sight lines that extend unbroken over vast prairies of indifference to expressions of style. Not ideal shopping environments in my view. However, given that the Sears catalog was my original passport into the world of feminine foundation garments, it felt like time to give this grand old dame a try.

As is the case with most general merchandisers in these hard times, there was not much in the way of sales assistance on the floor, but I am a fairly independent shopper, and found the Sears private label Nice Touch SlimShapers without too much trouble. The sales assistant at the cash register was a complete sweetheart and warmly welcoming of the drab fellow with the nice tights and a fistful of cash. Practically begged me to come back and shop with her anytime. That wins points with Petra.

How much cash? Not much. The Slim Shaper Control Sheers clock in at a mere $5.50, which set me up for an expectation of reasonable quality, but not much of a fashion and feel experience. Now, home for the trials.

This is a day sheer I would guess somewhere in the 15-20 denier range, that can stretch into evening, not a super-special evening, but a nice night in a good outfit. A highly reinforced toe promises durability, and limits us to closed toe shoes, but our choices are still rich within those pointy confines. The leg portion is a run resistant 11% Lycra with good, clingy memory and a surprisingly luxurious, comfortable, and cool feel. Great feel in fact to both the leg and the hand, and again, unexpectedly so for the price. They have a subtle matte finish, but in very direct light give off a just a faint glimmer at the defined lines of the leg. Again, not, red carpet ready, but dressy enough for most outings.

It is up top in the highly reinforced panty portion that these smoothers really come to life though. Seams are well finished, and the overall effect is sleek and attractive. An extra front panel flattens and smooths without over constricting. And credit to these pretties for the absolutely unnecessary and entirely adorable lace detail effect at the thigh top. They possess a class of construction quality and function that stands out in any price bracket. The closest panty portion I have worn in the last year comes from Donna Karan’s’ Maximum Controls which retail at 3X of the price of our Sears entry. Terrific value for the money.

There really is nothing to pick negatively at here. Cared for, they will last. When on, they look elegant and feel like a little indulgence. The fit is superb, with a caution: Please be sure to go up a size if you are close to the margins on the height and weight chart, particularly if you are tallish. Yes, the packaging could be a little sexier, and the web site navigation is terrible, but these are concerns that disappear like so many blemishes beneath a fine, flattering sheer yarn.

And so, to the rankings. The Nice Touch line of pantyhose stride proudly up onto my personal Podium, missing the gold standard by inches, and toeing out current Silver medal holder, Calvin Klein by the slenderest of threads, 196.4 to 194.0 Petra Points. Our new top 3 are featured here.

It has been a while since I tested out so high ranking a pair, and it is a really refreshing moment for me. The Hanes Silky Sheers remain safely atop the rustling range of contenders in my top drawer. The Hanes just possess a certain je ne sais quoi relative to the Nice Touch sheers that keeps them on top, and never too far from reach. Can’t put my finger on it exactly, just something about the intensity of their aura. But silver is nice too, no?, and I have a new brand and venue to explore further. Competition and choice are wonderful things, yes?

A hearty endorsement all around. And my circulation seems to be back to (what passes for me as) normal. If you are looking to complete a Halloween ensemble you could barely do better, and with the Sears Nice Touch not taking too big a bite out of your purse, perhaps have a little spare cash to buy a nice girl a drink this weekend.

Happy dressing, Halloween and everything else….

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Year of Living Hosiery – Part 2

In last weeks parade review of our constantly expanding and yet still nicely fitting Universe of Pantyhose, viewed through the eyes (and paid for through the nose) of this cross dresser, I generalized on my year-to-date findings and delightful learnings. I did name a few names, but focused more on trends of thought that emerged from the crowded top drawer of my admittedly obsessed mind. This week, a few specifics on the great and less so, and a regrading of a brand that seems better with time.

I maintain a pretty detailed spreadsheet of hosiery purchases. After a typical shopping sortie I enter a few values including place of purchase, country of manufacture, brand and model number, color, fabric content, and sheerness. I then make notes regarding their construction (control top, sandal foot, sheer to waist, boarding and stitch method, etc.). Then the fun bits: I say hello to my little friends and they get rolled up and on to my leggy laboratory. To the best extent possible they get a full days wearing, sometimes in the great open outdoors fully en femme, more often though here in the relative privacy and comfort of my own home.

After a few false starts in early parades, the 4 key categories of Fit, Finish, Style and Feel emerged as useful barometers. Tested hosiery is granted a score between 1 and 10 for each of these categories with one catch: I do not give 10’s. A final and entirely capricious value is added that at heart, measures my passion for the current pair. All of these values are added, averaged, squared, divided by cost and multiplied by a constant that spreads the scores out over a fairly large scale. This formula rewards quality and value. At the top of the chart today is Hanes, and holding last place at 20th, are the Spanx All the Way Up’s. Lets start at the bottom and work our way up, shall we?

Spanx Revisited. Big mea culpa here dear friends. In my original review, I tested the All The Way Up sheers (pictured at right). These specialty, high waisted, body tamers should not be judged in the same flight as traditional, seated at the waist pantyhose. While they score very highly for fit and register in the upper 1/3rd on all other categories, their high cost ($28.00) cripples them. The Leggs Silken Mist Waist Cincher is equally in the wrong room here. This is a class of hosiery deserving of its' own pretty parade, and I will stage one in upcoming weeks. Body sculpting tights are very useful underthings for very dressy evening wear, and worthy of exploring in greater depths (and yes, heights I suppose). My mad crush on the energetic and alluring Sara Blakely continues to smolder, and so I will test more traditional low rise pantyhose from Spanx in upcoming weeks. I expect them to perform well.

Worthington Revisited. The JC Penney house brand did not fare well in my original review. I took them out for another spin yesterday. Fit still excellent, but having judged later and weaker entries less harshly, I went back to the original scores and added one half point across the board to their original scores for finish, style, and feel. I think I had subconsciously downgraded them in part because the check out lady clearly did not approve of cross dressers. Or perhaps she simply does not like people. In any event, that day, Penney’s felt like a Soviet era department store and the feeling lingered throughout the test session. These are fine hose. Pretty floral detail through the panty, run resistance that does not ruin the finish, and very durable. When you consider the practically permanent “Buy 1, get 1 for ½ price” offer at JCP, the Lace Tanga Control Top is a terrific value, fine for everyday wear, and newly promoted to 14th place above lesser efforts from No-Nonsense.

Hanes Silk Reflections Revisited. The marks do not change. I believe that I got them right. I feel the need to say a few things about the top ranked product. Faintest shimmer, just south of a glimmer from them. Very smooth yarn is invisible to the eye, and practically liquid to the touch. Superb. Very subtle contruction, suitable for the most clingy fashions. Available in toe finishes to suit your favorite shoes, very cool to wear. The Silky Sheer Control Top is an unassailably good value, and a complete delight to wear. It is going to take a miracle to knock the tiara off Ms. Pantyhose Universe. I live in hope of miracles every day.

Wolford Revisited (ed.and never often enough). In a world where money is no object, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would be 24/7, tummy to toe, in these most peerless sheers, the Luxe 9’s. Part science, part magic, all delight. They cling, but they glide. They are weightless, but you feel them. They are invisible, but beautiful. Their $30.00 retail tag is steep yes, steep to the extent that they are driven to 12th place of 20 contestants in overall Petra Points, but some feelings are more precious than money. I implore you to skip a meal or 2. Buy some Wolfords.

So from top to bottom, from gusset to ground, here is The Pantyhose Parade organized by Petra Points. On the podium, gold to Hanes Silk Reflections (205.0 Petra Points) with an envious silver to Calvin Klein’s Matte Ultra Sheer Control Tops (194), and a laudable bronze going to the Donna Karan Bronze Satin Sheers (185.2).

If you would like a closer look, simply click on the image. For those of you who want to review the archives, just search this site for “Petra’s Pantyhose Parade”, glide into something comfortable and settle in for a couple of hours of overindulgence. For those of you with suggestions about what I ought to wear next, I am all ears when not admiring my own thighs. For the rest of us all, please visit on Thursdays for fresh news from the hosiery’s sheer frontiers. Next week, Berkshires.

In closing, 20 Pairs of pantyhose, $215.72. Gas for 14 shopping trips, $35.00. Knowing Pantyhose better, priceless.

Happy dressing - Petra

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Year of Living Hosiery: Part 1

In December of last year, realizing that I needed regular features to return to in order to build useful, regular blogging habits, I started a still enduring Thursday feature, Petra’s Pantyhose Parade. I was not sure at the time what I knew, but was very sure what I liked and had forever.

Hosiery. Tights. Pantyhose. The sheer stuff dear friends.

Putting names aside for a moment, I am not hung up on the term pantyhose. For me it is too utilitarian a word. It does not capture the imagination in the same way that the garment captured mine, ensnared me really in my very young, very impressionable days. What an impression, One with me still, and I suspect, forever. Clearly, a name for this regular blog post was required. I settled on Pantyhose mostly because of the alliterative possibilities presented with Petra parading about. Thusly, was Petra’s Pantyhose Parade conceived.

I suspected that this was a deep realm, a cool fashion well that would never run dry. I saw in my minds thigh a sheer and endless river of nylon and lycra. I felt as though I could cool my toes in this glittering ocean ceaselessly. I believed, moreover, that if I took my time and made good notes, I could genuinely develop a shapely body of work, free of blemish, that might help us all make better, smarter and more fashion forward choices for our legs. Beautifying the world, one happy gam at a time. I have not been disappointed. I have now tested and opined upon 20 pairs, and the horizon gets further away each week. I do not lack for choice. Yumm.

I do lament however that fewer and fewer genetic women share this passion with cross dressers. Pantyhose seem to be thought by many to be a chore, only borderline comfy, and not in most circumstances absolutely required to complete an outfit. When given the option for bare legging it, many, too many do. Hosiery sales have been in decline for years, and outlooks don’t predict a rebound. That leaves less to admire for all of us, and the loss of a truly feminine touch in the everyday world.

From many comments on these posts, and correspondence with friends of this blog, I have learned that my passion, while pretty vivid, is not unusual. For many of us, this frail, powerful amalgam of inner and outerwear, this quietly private choice, this sometimes brazenly displayed enticement was at the very start and remains at the very heart of our sometimes difficult but always electrifying journey. This gossamer thread has the strength of Spiderman’s web and is perhaps stickier

So 20 reviews thus far. 20 is a good number: fingers and toes. Its time to pause and reflect before I lose count. General observations today.

Control Tops dominate the shelves, and as a result, the rankings. I sense that they dominate the shelves because clingy, body conscious fashions demand slimming effects, and if you look around, so do many too well fed, too poorly exercised bodies. Beyond that, I tested a good number of control tops because they do have a beneficial effect for cross dressers who, like me, pad up to achieve more attractive curves. Control tops help smooth it all out.

Wine and Pantyhose have much in common. I keep an army of <$10.00 wines on hand at home, and many of them I proudly present to friends. It is a relief that we live in a world where one can get comfortably tight with a $8.00 bottle, while comfortably clad in $8.00 tights. When you go south of $5.00 though, something happens to both. They are still mostly well made, employing state of the art technology and best production best practices, but they lack something. They lack finish. The finish element is to me, more than a certain je ne sais quoi, this quality is the very raison d’être of pantyhose. Be value minded therefore, but do not cheap out dear friend.

We are worth a little indulgence every now and then. There are special outfits, and nights when a spoil is good for the soul. At the very top end, the luxury vendors really are a treat. The highest scoring panty hose (Wolford Luxe 9) garnered an unassailable 47.4 out of an available 50 Petra Points. They felt and looked so good I could barely think. A $30.00 splash out is not a whim for me, but then neither is a $100.00 massage. The massage makes me feel better but doesn’t make me look better. The Wolfords do both and will last longer.

A Girl on a budget can look terrific. Our Gold Medal performer is in fact a $7.50 entry from Hanes (Silky Sheer Control Top) that can be found even more frugally if purchased online in bulk. They scored 31 points out of an available 50. The L’eggs line at $5.00 even shows terrific value in a line of very comfortable, evening appropriate, dress sheers. If you are hard on your hosiery, getting a run does not have to mean a run on your bank.

Durability is not pretty. Run resistant weaves help contain minor snags and help hosiery last longer. These weaves typically though add heat, coarsen finishes and leave the fine but apparent tell-tale horizontal lines across the thighs. So, for the price of a little longer wear, you give up much of the magic. For some, not a bad bargain, but not, for me, a good one. I rather take the approach that if you are mindful of how you are dressed, alert to your surroundings, and graceful in your movements, ladylike in a word, then you will not need the durability that run resistance provides.

Love them, and they will love you back. Runs are ultimately inevitable and costly. If you get fewer of them, your price per wear drops each time out. I have laddered precisely 1 pair of pantyhose this calendar year (the fishnets that got freakishly caught up on my purse). Do these things please: Keep your nails filed, pay attention to the size charts (and go up a size if you are borderline), and use a pair of standard issue rubber gloves to smooth up and really fit your hose perfectly after you have both feet in. Your legs are worth the care.

The chart shown here is a top to bottom ranking of all tested pantyhose with pricing taken out of the final score (click to enlarge). Raw scores out of an available 50, 1-10 in 5 categories. At the top are favorites, and what I would wear always if money was no object. Next week, I will re-order them with price in the equation, and line them up with the “bang for the buck” values highlighted. In next weeks recap post I will additionally provide a little color commentary on the good, the bad, and the saggy of some of the more memorable experiences.

2 quick footnotes.
1.The first two photos are courtesy of a stylish friend, CC over at Couture Carrie. 3rd photo from Worlford.
2. I am drafting today’s post in a Starbucks, and I just spotted a completely healthy, beautifully shaped woman in her 20s with a smartly tailored black cotton, belted shirt dress, wearing a very nice pair of nude sheers. It is presently 80F in Atlanta. This gorgeous girl could have made a different choice, been more comfortable and saved a few minutes earlier today by going bare. Bless her soul, she did not, and the world is prettier as a result. A nice glimmer of hope for us all.

Happy dressing and everything else ...

Petra's Pantyhose Parade – A Second Date with Donna Karan

Ask a figure skater or a gymnast how they feel about performing their routine very early in the competition, and they will tell you that the very thought makes them feel sick. Why O why is that Petra you ask, and I, without batting a heavily lacquered eyelash will tell you this:

Judges leave room for higher marks later in the contest, never being entirely sure of what will follow laudable, and even brilliant early performances.

Well friends, I am no different then those all too human judges, except that I am getting no kickbacks (dammit all) for my highly subjective rants and reveries on the topic of Pantyhose. And fearing (all the while praying desperately for) an endlessly surging tide of increasingly fine and loving leggings I kept a very tight set of reins on my scoring for some of the earlier efforts.

Donna Karan was a casualty of the poor fortune of an early draw. Early in January of this year the DK Maximum Control Satin Sheer felt and looked stunning and I said as much in my review. But the high price of the tested product, the ($18.50) and my relative conservatism (ed. not a noted cross dresser trait) in scoring placed them in 4th in a field of 5. Ouch.

I pulled them back up last week for a little shopping excursion en femme. Wherever I went I felt perfectly assured that I was wearing the finest leggings within a mile. My wonderful day ended in a TJ Maxx that was showing drastic markdowns on a good range of hosiery, including DK. I picked up a pair of the Sheer Bronze Control Top and promised to give Donna another try by re-rating the first pair, and test driving a new one. Work, work, work. Toujours travail. Pauvre Petra ne c’est pas?

Ahem. First the new pair notes. The tested Sheer Bronze Control Top are from the Essentials Collection, and are a moderate control, sandal foot dress sheer. Far from nude, these hose insist on attention with a very high glimmer factor. Your leg outlines and contours are beautifully highlighted, as though back lit. They confidently demand attention. Some high glimmer tights have a slightly slutty aspect to them. They look like they want to be ravaged by dawn or they simply won’t be happy. Donna is decidedly not that kind of girl. These are visible, but reserved. They just look terrific and so earn well deserved 8.5 Finish and Style points.

The effect on the wearer is superb too. There is no slack in the leg at 20% spandex, but still they breath well, and they glide on the leg as you descend stairs, cross and uncross, and just move through the day. You will not forget that you have them on. 8 points for fit (comfortable panty, good smooth waistband) and a rare 9.0 for feel. They are liquid, light and ‘lectric. Lovely in a word. I would clearly wear these to my own funeral and so they earn 8 Random Petra Points.

All of this taken even with a pretty rich price point of $16.00 drives Donna up onto the podium where clearly, she belongs. The Essential Sheer is ranked 3rd with a robust 185.2 points.

And now the earlier pair. The re-ranked Satin Sheers leap into 4th place with a very respectable 158.8 points, and our reigning Queen of the vast realm of Pantyhose remains Hanes. God Save the Silky Sheers.

I must confess, that I do not have a model lined up for next weeks review. I will clearly be doing a little shopping between now and then (stimulus comes in many, many forms, economic and tactile) and hope to find a worthy pair to introduce to you, dear friend.

Happy to have your suggestions in the meantime too. Don’t be shy. Got a tip? Leave a comment.

Till next time, happy dressing!

Petra's Pantyhose Parade - They got their Hanes on me

One hears a great deal on the news these days about the demise of American industry. We don’t make things anymore. We are a service economy. Once, we were a nation of producers. Now, we are a nation of consumers. And not so hot at that at present. Well lets not put a tear in our collective gusset here ladies. I am here today not only as the Editor of Petra’s Pantyhose Parade, but also as the Cheerleader in Chief for good old American ingenuity, industry and value.

And I am held aloft today on a downy cloud of silk, of light catching, glimmering and wonderfully comfortable Hanes Pantyhose Products. Let me share with you some observations and my delight.

But first the ground rules. On a weekly basis I buy, wear, evaluate, rate and rant about a brand of pantyhose. Why? Well for starters, it feels good. But beyond that, with a systematic approach to this groundbreaking and necessary research we may together build a map of the whole wonderful universe of Pantyhose. And what would we be if we did not try? No need to answer that.

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade is a public service. There is no commercial gain in it for me. But if you are a hosiery wholesaler in a terrible overstock pinch who is looking for a little temporary storage and keeps loose inventory records, well, hello there. Look me up here…

Ahem. Now back to Hanes. At a quick glance, Hanes is the General Motors of Pantyhose. Except, that if Hanes were managing General Motors, I would be driving a Buick, not a Subaru. Hanes is a massive, multi-brand, hosiery conglomerate. The L’eggs and Hanes lines run in the family, and each of these prolific brands run 20+ unique models deep, not counting the wonderful color palettes within each style. There is additionally an unknowable number of designer and retailer labels stitched onto Hanes product built to those private label specifications. Hanes are everywhere. And believe me I am not complaining.

This week I have pulled a couple of Silk Reflections products from the racks for our test. Silky Sheer Control Top and Waist Smoother Control Top. Again, this is just the tip of the Hanes Iceberg. Lets review what they have in common:

• Packaging – Attractive photo imagery on the package.
• Comfort and Fit – Really first rate feel on the leg and at the panty portion. A light touch that breathes, but with a real feeling of fixedness on the body.
• Appearance – Really gorgeous, even, and beautifully colored legs. These are very dressy day sheers that can hit red carpets at night without blushing.

Where do they diverge? Here is some detail:

The $7.50 Silky Sheer focus is all on the leg. The control top is all function, and low on aesthetics. Good choice. Very snug panty portion that won’t peek over waist bands. Completely luxurious leg with a cool and liquid feel. Looks and feels like a 15 Denier leg, but has a relatively high 15% Lycra component.

The $9.00 Waist Smoother focuses more on the panty. The control top is all fashion, all clean and smooth to eye and hand. The leg has an equally good appearance, but at a high 23% Lycra component, it lacks some of the slinkiness, some of the lovely glide that the Silky Sheer possesses.

To me though, unless you need to look great once your dress comes off, the Silky Sheer is your sure bet.

And now for the ranking exercise, which I am pleased to report, confirms my feelings about the Hanes products, and the calibration of the ranking formula.

Here is what we get. A new Champion. The Hanes Silk Reflections Silky Sheers knock Calvin Klein off the high perch with our very first 200 point score (205 over 194 for the Calvin’s). The Silky Sheers score consistently lower, point by point measured against the CK’s but at ~ 60% of the retail price, they nose past on value. And they win fairly I believe.

The Waist Smoother is a great looking and very comfortable pair of pantyhose, but with the best thinking in the panty, the hose are not what they should be for the couple of dollars more. These come in at a respectable 7th place with 127.7 points.

Both products get a nice little merit point from me just because the perfect fit is size CD. Irony can be so ironic you know.

I feel much more confident about the future of American manufacturing after this weeks invigorating exercise. O who the hell am I fooling. I feel better about my legs. And with that, together we cannot help but survive.

Next week, I will take a no nonsense look at No Nonsense. More proletariat pantyhose for the times. What hose are getting you through the days? Drop me a line, make a suggestion, and do be careful pulling your stockings up friends. Till next time…..