Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – High Waisted Wrap Up

The Pantyhose Parade has been a regular feature of these Voyages en Rose from the very beginnings of this blog, upon my realization that my hosiery crush was a lasting thing, not just two hips that dress up in tights. I have done a fair old whack of shopping in my attempts to accurately map these sheer seas and have, for my labors, full drawers groaning under the weight of several lifetimes of pretty leg wear. Now, not only am I running out of storage space, I think that I have practically tapped out my well of metaphor. Therefore here today, I conclude this series with wrap up notes on my recent chaotic and quixotic romp through the world of high-waisted, super-slimming pantyhose.

I have no doubt, dear friends, that I will offer up unsolicited opinions about tights here from time to time. You may have need of more regular and passionate discourses on this topic though, so I direct your attention to the passionate and shockingly knowledgeable Treacle, proprietress of the Stocking and Lingerie Addict Blog for your daily fixes. She really knows her stuff, and looks far, far better than I.

And so, on with the show, such as it is. I will start with the tournament results, present the relative rankings, and then finish up with some off-color commentary.

Our Winner, with 225.6 Petra's Pantyhose Points, is the L’eggs Profiles Waist Smoother Toner. Remarkable comfort, appearance and durability for a smallish investment of $8.00. I did not place as high a scoring value on price within this ranking exercise, but the pennies do add up my dears, do they not? The pennies in fact seemed to have decided things for us here, and both of the value priced L’eggs entries ascended to the Medal podium, sharing honors with a stellar contestant from Donna Karan. The scoring table is presented below (ed.click images for a better view, I hate to think of you squinting)

With money taken out of the equation, the DK’s would handily tromp the rest of the field. A truly gorgeous garment, luxurious to the touch and to the eye. As dressy as you would ever need for a big night on the town. The Spanx efforts, well made as they are, simply lack a little magic in the leg. I would love to be able to say nicer things about the Ann Taylors', fond as I am of the shop, but I simply cannot. Premium price for a run of the mill product is never a recipe for success. Ann m’dear, if your hosiery mill pulls ups their game a bit, I will pull your hose up my gams once again.

Now after all of this effort, if you are feeling an urge to shop, stow it for a moment. Aunty Petra wants a few words with you here. Shapewear is a godsend. Beautiful, fashionable sheers are too. But one simply cannot ask one garment to effectively do the job of two. For starters, the economics are not there. A terrific waist whittling shaping brief can be had for $20-30, and with care will last 30-50 wearings. There is absolutely no way to get 30 days of wear out of a pair of sheers. If you ladder a pair of everyday sheers, and you are out of pocket for a little. Ladder a pair of high waist pantyhose, and you have in effect thrown away a perfectly good girdle. You will be better off hedging your bets and buying things separately.

There is a pretty big functional problem associated with these tights too. Functions of nature specifically. Unless you have the constitution of a camel, there is a likely requirement for relief at some point in your day. Pulling a dress up, pulling these down, and reverse repeating the process requires Houdini like flexibility, and the athletic grace of a Nureyev. If you have that, jolly good for you, but you will have probably worked up a little facial glow by the conclusions of your struggles that may require a reapplication of setting powder.

The all-in-ones are simply not there from a other functional perspectives either. All of our contenders to one degree or another, pooled at the waistband, thereby mooting the promised smoothing benefits of the garment. Right tool for the job is a good rule to live by, and rare is the case that a multi-function tool is the right tool. This is not one of those rare cases.

If you are looking to slim the silhouette, smooth various bits out, and help make a hot dress look red hot, the options are endless. Have a look around you and you may notice that overweight and out of shape is the norm (at least here in America and to a large extent, the UK). The size of the problem, so to speak, assures a rich variety of solutions on the shelves. So go shopping, with a friend who knows her way around if you can. Failing that, trust the nice lady in the lingerie department at a Macy’s or Sears nearby. Believe me, you will not be their first client with special needs.

With all of that said then, beyond catering to my own borderline obsession with legwear in general, I cannot find a single reason for enduring a day in a pair of high waisted sheers. But I started this damned-fools errand, and so am relieved now that it is finished. Your suggestions on shapewear and sheers, as always, welcomed here. Comment freely friends.

Happy dressing, and everything else…

Pantyhose Parade – High Waist Sheer Combat Round II

As promised in late December here, we move on to the SCC (Sara’s Corporate Conference) featuring an epic intra-brand battle of the bulge between Spanx, and her value priced sibling, Assets by Sara Blakely. To recap the procedure, I go shopping. Then I cast a flinty eye upon my sheer thigh, take copious notes, and apply a series of grades to the product . Finally, I run those numbers through a scoring algorithm of such complexity that steam emerges from my laptop vents and I get a nice facial in. The results are shared with you, dear reader, and I feel as though in some way, I am of service. Perhaps the authorities on my home planet will see this goodness in me, and organize the long promised rescue mission. I do live in hope.

In Round One, Donna Karan notched out Ann Taylor to emerge from the Ivy League Conference a glittering winner. This week, its up and over with the girl who started this whole wonderful trend of shape shifting hosiery, the lovely Sara Blakely. Way back in 2001 Sara really quite single-handedly brought a then revolutionary hosiery product to market designed to flatter both the legs and the butts of their bearer. VPL’s were the enemy, and Sara was relentless in her war. I love that sort of moxie, and really admire people who challenge the status quo. It never hurts if they are completely cute either.

Spanx went from strength to strength, broadened product lines, penetrated the shelves of some upmarket shops, won an endorsement from Oprah, got flashed on numerous occasions by the lovely Tyra Banks, and really grew a nice little business. This attracted the attention of all sorts of bigger vendors who have shamelessly aped the Spanx approach. I suppose that is how the free market is supposed to work, but that is not my arena of expertise. Personally, I am more in pursuit of a run-free market.

To fuel growth and fend off the catty competition, Spanx created a value line known as Assets by Sara Blakely which today stack the shelves of some more down-market general retailers, notably Target here in the US of A. There is a lot of mirroring and overlap between the 2 product lines which gives us all choice. The choices this week are the All The Way Up! High-Waisted Full-Length Pantyhose (pictured at left) and the Assets Perfect Pantyhose High Waist (below right).

These twisted-yarn sisters share a lot of DNA, so lets speak quickly about what they have in common and how they differ from top to toe. I will now switch up sports metaphor from basketball to tennis. Shared DNA? I think we can think of Spanx as Venus Williams, and Assets as Serena Williams, grappling in a leggy tie-break. Game on.

Waist-band: Similar construction, highly elasticized, non-grip material for both. Let serve. Spanx Love, Assets Love.
Torso reinforcement: Extra belly panel in the Spanx, uniform reinforced hosiery approach in the Assets. Spanx 15, Assets Love.
Gusset: The Spanx have a fully lined, trap-door gusset that facilitates (for some) easier calls of nature and an au naturelle approach to what is worn underneath, while the Assets have a typical, closed cotton panel. Spanx 30, Assets Love
Thigh – Smooth compression to 4” below the crotch line, with a clean, unfussy transition to sheer leg portion. Same, same. Let serve, the game remains Spanx 30, Assets Love
Leg Feel: Spandex Lycra© (15-19%) in aggregate for both, but with slightly distinct finishes and feels. The Spanx are more elastic and really adhere, practically glues to the leg, and do not wick very well. The Assets just feel better to me, both to hand and leg. They are more silky, and glide and give a little more easily. Spanx 30, Assets 15.
Leg Finish: They are both mid-sheer, good looking, somewhat dressy tights, but the Assets look a little better, slightly dressier, just a scooch more polished. They also catch light a touch better, and give off a little glamour and glimmer. Spanx 30, Assets 30.
Toe: Sandal toe for the Spanx, lightly reinforced toe for the Assets. More shoe choices for the pricier pair, longer (theoretical) last for the Assets. I am a closed-toe gal on a budget, so the line judge calls a foot fault on Venus and the point goes to Serena. Spanx 30, Assets 40.
Price: Serving for the game, Assets throws an ace. Spanx were defenseless really, retailing at $28.00 to little sister Assets aggresive $16.00.

Game, set, and match to Assets.

A tennis match is typically closer than the score indicates. My grading machine turned out scores for these products that are the closest that any two pairs of tights have been in 1 year plus of hosiery reviews here. They scored within 0.1% of each other, with the Assets getting the barest margin of victory of all times. I will share all the scores with you at the conclusion of this odd epic.

In the meantime, to the mother of these superb, game-changing prodigies Ms. Blakely, I say sincerely thanks. What pride must be yours.

More will follow including a battle between NCAA (Nice, Cheap, All-American) Conference entries from L’eggs next time in the Pantyhose Parade.

Till then, happy dressing and happy everything else.

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – New Heights

Over the course of the last year I have made a regular passion of reviewing and ranking standard issue, natural-waist, sheer tights. I am at a bit of an impasse though you see. I have started to run out of new product to review. O, I know, I am missing Falke, and Mantoux and Fogal and too many to mention, but these delights are simply not falling off the shelves here locally. Come the new year, I mean to do a little more shopping online. Just for now though, little brown packages tied up with string are not amongst my favorite things.

I have accumulated a fair number of tights of a different class in my many shopping sorties this year. High-Waisted Super Slimming Pantyhose. Not your standard issue control top sheers, no ma’am. They might be better described this way:

Two garments, dear to the hearts of lingerie enthusiasts everywhere, girdle and stockings, have been shot at each other, as though from opposite ends of a lycra-rich super-collider, super-conductor. The hybrid that survived and glows in the still steaming wreckage is, to me, the peanut butter and chocolate, the champagne and popcorn (ed. no fooling, a great match, try it) of modern era, non-retro foundation garments.

When I run these rib-cage ticklers through the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade scoring algorithm though, something simply does not work. I suppose that like anything shot through a super-conducting super-collider, they elude the generally agreed upon laws of physics. At the same time, they do though have an enormous impact on the known laws of physiques,and that piques my interest, meriting the creation of a new class of hosiery, and a new math to evaluate them with. Some opening notes on this planned series are tendered here today.

What qualifies them in? Quite simple really: If you can pull them up to your bra-line without voiding the manufacturers warranty, they are in!

Why wear them? Well, for starters, admire the picture on the right. I simply could not understand the person who would not want at least to try them on. Male, female, straight, not, soldier, sailor, tinker, tailor, I mean, people, please…

Why else? Because, like Everest, they are there.

For those of you not yet convinced, would a handful of feature, advantage, benefit statements work? Let us try.

Slimming is good.
Smooth surfaces beneath clingy garments are good, and
If quality hosiery feels good, then more of it must feel better, no?

The defense rests.

The prosecution will of course point out the following:

More hosiery means more money.
When nature calls, you must be prepared for a little grappling, and
Gravity always gets its way. Anything not nailed or glued in place will slide down a tad.

Well, no pain, no gain says I, so its time for a high stepping parade. Here are the contestants, in no particular order: the L’eggs Silken Mist Waist Cinching Shaper, the L’eggs Profiles Waist Smoother Toner, the Assets by Sara Blakely Perfect Pantyhose High Waist, the Spanx All The Way Up! High-Waisted Full-Length Pantyhose, the Ann Taylor Sheer High Waist Control Top Tights (pictured at left), and the Donna Karan Body Perfect Waist Embrace Sheer Pantyhose. I may stumble upon one or two more of this class on my travels. If I am missing any obvious candidates that you, esteemed reader, believe should be under this lasses glasses, just drop me a line. Can’t find the Wolfords anywhere, and lord I have tried. If you know where I can find a medium in black, I am willing to trade my collection of rare Barbara Feldon memorabilia for them. A second mortgage is not absolutley out of the question either I suppose.

The criteria that they will be judged on goes as follows. Price will be a factor, yes, but less of a factor than in my standard sheers formula. Compression and smoothing is what these garments promise, and so I will hold them to their own standards (do they preen and prune and nip and tuck us well?). Gravity fighting (do they stay up or do they go inner tube at the waist?). Feel, to the leg, the body, and the hand (do you want to wear them?). Beauty on the leg (naturallement, would you be proud of their appearance, and look like a slimmed down million dollars?). And finally, judges prerogative – a random Petra Value that will express my delight or consternation about …. well I don’t know quite yet. We both will soon though.

Back next week with the first edition

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – Anti-Pantyhose Defamation League Edition

Darlings, two things, first: Don’t believe everything you read.

Some samples for your consideration:

…They too got quite a large run in them the first day, it's continued to get larger….
… don't plan on taking them up and down more than a few times before you have an enormously wide runner …
… First wearing yielded several holes and runs. Nail polish patches. Second wearing? Huge runs and they went in the trash, (and lastly)
… I wore them for one day....there are multiple holes & runs in them already.

These comments, gleaned from the Target web site, were read before I purchased (and with no small trepidation friends), this weeks model and sliding them under my high resolution thighcroscope©. You can imagine, I was prepared for a let down. Happily, a let down that did not happen. I was reminded of something a rather wise person said to me under forgotten circumstances years ago, and so secondly: A good carpenter never blames the tools.

Now, before I go to this weeks product review I want to tug on your scarf a second. Ladies and sometimes gentle men, take your time dressing, take care while dressed, and take care undressing. Please. Yes, I understand that life is busy and that we have many pressing demands. But dressing is a nice ritual, so take an extra minute, catch your breath, and be mindful of what you are doing. This will not only help you look great and feel comfortable, but will allow you to get value for your money. When that happens you will likey spend more time being happy about your choices, and that cannot be bad.

Before naming and reviewing the slighted tights, I will refer you (you genetic girls and full-time women too), to two helpful links:

For a primer on hosiery care please visit the erudite Tights Lover at
The Panty Drawer . Sound advice.

For a game-changing, step by step tutorial on how to correctly don a pair of tights, take a minute after that with Shapings.com. For those of us made neither of money or porcelain, knowing these things will help.

And now, back to our previously scheduled programming. Thank you for your patience.

Long time readers of these Voyages en Rose know that I harbor a smoldering crush on the founder and leader of the Spanx empire, Sara Blakely. Smarts, initiative, innovation and beauty, there is a lot to like. Truly, the world owes here a little round of applause for breathing modern life into a foundation garment industry in long decline. Her Power Panty’s helped raise consciousness about butt and belly shaping aids, and in so doing, brought them out of the intimate recesses of the boudoir and into the boardroom. This ever growing class of underthings have, in the process of their popularization, eradicated an aggregate length of visible panty lines that would stretch to the moon and back. God bless Sara.

I had worn (quite happily) the Spanx High Waisted sheers in the past, but for a couple of reasons did not review them here. My formula is built to evaluate standard issue sheers and was not as kind to Sara as her super-reinforced, stealth technology shaping hose were to me. I wanted to redress her absence from my rankings here this week, and so picked up a pair of the Spanx value brand entry, Assets by Sara Blakely. Assets can be found at Target amongst other such places, while the principal and pricier brand, Spanx, is found typically in slightly more upmarket shops. At the top end is the Haute Contour line, luxurious figure fixing finery to be loved and desired surely, but for me, shunned until I get down to 1 mortgage payment.

In any event, about the Perfect Pantyhose. I will first focus on the unique, and superb element of these hose that I would want to see on everything I wear. An absolutely superb waistband (pictured above). Broad, soft and sure, with a gentle, accordioned elastic that breathes with the fortunate and flattered form contained therein. It is the very height of comfort. Throughout the panty, the weave has a strong bias against being hoisted unattractively above ones skirt line, which, given how much time I spent propped up on high bar stools is a key consideration.

Modesty preserved then, let us travel now in a southerly direction. Superb comfort, excellent fit, and all the smoothing and trimming elements that both cross dressers and any women desirous of a flatter tummy requires. Booty territory gets some attention too with a little lifting effect in the right place. Thigh slimming reinforcement runs to roughly 4” down-leg and fuses smoothly with the sheer boot portion. Lastly on fabrication, the toe seam is very subtly and beautifully finished. Sandal ready, again provided you put a moments care into pulling them on.

Clearly, in construction, this is a garment meant to withstand long days, and many of them, notwithstanding the harsh words from the reviews above. I have now given these 2 full days of wear and one washing. Good as new. A very durable feel without the sacrifice of any of the nice feminine softness that we want from our prettiest things. And now, to the leg, where the feel, finish and fashion elements show.

From mid-thigh to tip-top, this well elasticized 16% Lycra run resistant yarn has a nice dressy, but not flashy look. I suspect they are close to 15 denier sheerness which is fine enough to say “come hither” at the same time as they effectively obscure the blemishes you may have picked up shaving or falling out of trees in your youth. Glide happily from day to night without being out of place, any place. Comfortably too, as cool as they are. I can distinguish no material difference between the look and feel of these relative to the marquee Spanx line of sheers. Possibly just a little softer even, but with at least 99% shared DNA in the pretty little family. Yeah, at nearly half the price.

Price must always be a consideration though. At $12.00, these retail at 2X of a recently reviewed entry from Sears. Are they twice as good? By any objective measurement, no. But there must be some subjective impulses we follow, and follow these I will. Good, strong scores all around with high Random Merit points for the waist construction. Even burdened with a not-everyday-wear price point, the Assets Perfect Pantyhose slide and shimmer into 8th spot on the crowded Pantyhose Parade Podium with 162.1 points in a mathematical tie (our very first) with Victoria’s Secret Flatter-Me Control top. I drop Victoria a notch down by virtue of the truth that she exists only in imaginations while Sara exists in the flesh. Truly, there is a woman I could go shopping with. Any of these terrific tights are, to me, go-to choices if what you are out for a just a little less of you and a little more of oomph. Just please take care of them, and they will take care of you.

Happy Dressing, and everything else…

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – The Year of Living Hosiery – Part 2

In last weeks parade review of our constantly expanding and yet still nicely fitting Universe of Pantyhose, viewed through the eyes (and paid for through the nose) of this cross dresser, I generalized on my year-to-date findings and delightful learnings. I did name a few names, but focused more on trends of thought that emerged from the crowded top drawer of my admittedly obsessed mind. This week, a few specifics on the great and less so, and a regrading of a brand that seems better with time.

I maintain a pretty detailed spreadsheet of hosiery purchases. After a typical shopping sortie I enter a few values including place of purchase, country of manufacture, brand and model number, color, fabric content, and sheerness. I then make notes regarding their construction (control top, sandal foot, sheer to waist, boarding and stitch method, etc.). Then the fun bits: I say hello to my little friends and they get rolled up and on to my leggy laboratory. To the best extent possible they get a full days wearing, sometimes in the great open outdoors fully en femme, more often though here in the relative privacy and comfort of my own home.

After a few false starts in early parades, the 4 key categories of Fit, Finish, Style and Feel emerged as useful barometers. Tested hosiery is granted a score between 1 and 10 for each of these categories with one catch: I do not give 10’s. A final and entirely capricious value is added that at heart, measures my passion for the current pair. All of these values are added, averaged, squared, divided by cost and multiplied by a constant that spreads the scores out over a fairly large scale. This formula rewards quality and value. At the top of the chart today is Hanes, and holding last place at 20th, are the Spanx All the Way Up’s. Lets start at the bottom and work our way up, shall we?

Spanx Revisited. Big mea culpa here dear friends. In my original review, I tested the All The Way Up sheers (pictured at right). These specialty, high waisted, body tamers should not be judged in the same flight as traditional, seated at the waist pantyhose. While they score very highly for fit and register in the upper 1/3rd on all other categories, their high cost ($28.00) cripples them. The Leggs Silken Mist Waist Cincher is equally in the wrong room here. This is a class of hosiery deserving of its' own pretty parade, and I will stage one in upcoming weeks. Body sculpting tights are very useful underthings for very dressy evening wear, and worthy of exploring in greater depths (and yes, heights I suppose). My mad crush on the energetic and alluring Sara Blakely continues to smolder, and so I will test more traditional low rise pantyhose from Spanx in upcoming weeks. I expect them to perform well.

Worthington Revisited. The JC Penney house brand did not fare well in my original review. I took them out for another spin yesterday. Fit still excellent, but having judged later and weaker entries less harshly, I went back to the original scores and added one half point across the board to their original scores for finish, style, and feel. I think I had subconsciously downgraded them in part because the check out lady clearly did not approve of cross dressers. Or perhaps she simply does not like people. In any event, that day, Penney’s felt like a Soviet era department store and the feeling lingered throughout the test session. These are fine hose. Pretty floral detail through the panty, run resistance that does not ruin the finish, and very durable. When you consider the practically permanent “Buy 1, get 1 for ½ price” offer at JCP, the Lace Tanga Control Top is a terrific value, fine for everyday wear, and newly promoted to 14th place above lesser efforts from No-Nonsense.

Hanes Silk Reflections Revisited. The marks do not change. I believe that I got them right. I feel the need to say a few things about the top ranked product. Faintest shimmer, just south of a glimmer from them. Very smooth yarn is invisible to the eye, and practically liquid to the touch. Superb. Very subtle contruction, suitable for the most clingy fashions. Available in toe finishes to suit your favorite shoes, very cool to wear. The Silky Sheer Control Top is an unassailably good value, and a complete delight to wear. It is going to take a miracle to knock the tiara off Ms. Pantyhose Universe. I live in hope of miracles every day.

Wolford Revisited (ed.and never often enough). In a world where money is no object, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would be 24/7, tummy to toe, in these most peerless sheers, the Luxe 9’s. Part science, part magic, all delight. They cling, but they glide. They are weightless, but you feel them. They are invisible, but beautiful. Their $30.00 retail tag is steep yes, steep to the extent that they are driven to 12th place of 20 contestants in overall Petra Points, but some feelings are more precious than money. I implore you to skip a meal or 2. Buy some Wolfords.

So from top to bottom, from gusset to ground, here is The Pantyhose Parade organized by Petra Points. On the podium, gold to Hanes Silk Reflections (205.0 Petra Points) with an envious silver to Calvin Klein’s Matte Ultra Sheer Control Tops (194), and a laudable bronze going to the Donna Karan Bronze Satin Sheers (185.2).

If you would like a closer look, simply click on the image. For those of you who want to review the archives, just search this site for “Petra’s Pantyhose Parade”, glide into something comfortable and settle in for a couple of hours of overindulgence. For those of you with suggestions about what I ought to wear next, I am all ears when not admiring my own thighs. For the rest of us all, please visit on Thursdays for fresh news from the hosiery’s sheer frontiers. Next week, Berkshires.

In closing, 20 Pairs of pantyhose, $215.72. Gas for 14 shopping trips, $35.00. Knowing Pantyhose better, priceless.

Happy dressing - Petra

Petra’s Pantyhose Parade – High Waist Super Support Edition

Dear friends. My gracious, that was some gushing prose I spent last week on Wolford’s wasn’t it? And prose was not all I spent. I mean dropping $30.00 on a pair of tights that could ladder as quickly as a vampire runs from daylight would in the long run be, for me, financially ruinous. And that ruin would retard this noble and necessary study. We have come too far together for me to fail you now.

Well, I am an entire week more mature than I was last week, and I can see from this enlightened perch (or is it a slightly wobbly bar stool?) that clearly, I was then a much more easily beguiled and influenced young thing than I am today. My newfound and stately maturity did not come without effort however.

First things first. Aberrant Conditioning. Fearful of the continuing lure of Wolford, I watched “The Sound of Music” in its entirety 6 times running while consuming nothing but off-brand, made for the export market Tyrolean Chocolates. It worked. Today, even the thought of Edelweiss induces in me reflexive wretches of an entirely un-ladylike nature. It worked too well. I fear I can no longer enjoy the delightful and fruity Gruner Veltliners that have aged gracefully (often for days in fact) in my cellar before being quaffed with lusty abandon. Austria is completely off limits to me. But my savings are, well, safe.

Next things next. Test completely different Pantyhose. Something that might suppress the memory of my Wolford Luxe 9’s. And given the super elastic and confining nature of this weeks products, that’s not all that might be suppressed. The objects of my attention and affection are Super Support, High Waisted, Weaponized Body-Shaping Pantyhose from 2 favorite fashion vendors … L’eggs and Spanx. And so on with the review.

First up and over are the L’eggs Silken Mist Control Top Sheer toe Waist Cinching Shaper. Another fine entry from the working class hero of hosiery. The 17% Spandex panty that extends (after a nice little shimmy) to just below the bust line is a midriff smoothing, but not gut wrenching garment with similar feel to mid-range shape wear. At a fraction of the cost.

In an earlier post I waxed on about the feel and appearance of the Silken Mist line. Well no surprise, this model has all of the good stuff in the very sheer, comfortable and attractive leg. With one improvement. This weeks model has a reinforced upper thigh region that seems to solve the slight slackness of fit on the leg of the regular control top hose. Truly, a remarkable pair of pantyhose.

And, now on to Spanx. Sara Blakely may never know just how bright a torch I carry for her. And be assured it is not easy for a blond to make it past the velvet rope and into the slightly more darkly complexioned nightclub of my dreams. Truly this diva of the derriere should someday bring home a Nobel (Physics? Biology? Environment?) for her selfless contributions to eradicating visible panty lines with her Power Panty line.

The Sheer Leg High Waist All The Way Up Pantyhose marries the material magic of the Power Panty with a very glamorous sheer dress legging with some curious financial magic thrown in. These actually cost less than the standard Hide & Sleek line. Something has to give, but I could not find it --- at least in the panty portion. This is a well made and attractive garment. You will want to set your alarm clock about 5 minutes early to leave time for the divine struggle you should enjoy smoothing them up to full mast. There is none of the rubbery cling at the top that the L’eggs entry carries – just an elastic determination to fix in place and to not budge an inch.

The only negative I could find is in the leg finish. And this friends (and you especially Sara, dear Sara) is purely a personal preference. I love a silky finish. I want my legs to feel like caramel. And I think that in creating hosiery that will wear long enough to justify a $28.00 shaper investment, you have put your better work into durability at the expense of finish and feel. It’s a fine looking leg, but just a touch south of luxury, and to me, just a little less beautiful a feel than our more proletariat pantyhose partner, L’eggs.

With all of that said these are distinctive and wonderful pantyhose products, and I encourage friends to splash out and marvel at the smooth finish you will furnish under clingy things and ensembles you may be stretching just a tad here in the chilly, hibernating post-holiday months. And for those of you with a penchant for Zentai inspired confinement may I suggest that you may find some less expensive and more disposable additions to your wardrobe in this hosiery niche as well.

And on to the rankings. Sorry. I won’t be publishing the rankings. There is simply too little data. Additionally, the characteristics that this class of products needs to display are too, too different from what I look for in our everyday pantyhose. Beyond that, the very wide range in price makes comparing these makes the results table just look odd. I will, over time, find more splendid products in this category though, and hopefully present a more useful map of the high-waisted pantyhose landscape at some happy run-free day in our sunny future.

For the record, the Nordstrom Private Label sheers remains top of the Petra’s Pantyhose Parade charts for the 2nd week running. Next week, Calvin Klein swings her purse at Nordstrom. Feathers will fly. Please tell me your favorites in the meantime. I don’t need much encouragement, but I do like to know I have company.

Buff those nails girls – see you next time!