May 5, 2009

Notes on a Drabbatical

There, I coined what I believe to be new word. Drabbatical. Lets formalize it here:

Drabbatical [druh-bat-i-kuhl}

  1. a period of time spent exclusively wearing clothing traditionally associated with ones dominant gender identification.
  2. a phase of dormancy in the life of some MTF cross dressers.

Origin: A trite flourish of wordsmithing one morning from Petra Bellejambes, but really, lets not dwell on the odd workings of my brain.

In any event, a very good morning or evening to you dear friends. Its been close to a couple of months now since I last shared thoughts with you, and just as long since a dearly loved part of my whole self, Petra, has sought attention, nourishment and daylight. Yes, Petra is on Drabbatical. I have received some very nice notes and blog comments in that time, and found this morning the time and inclination to reflect.

First, the dull stuff. All is well.

Not shaving is a real treat. Work continues to trickle in adequate to my material requirements (with a quick shout-out to Mrs. Bellejambes who contributes more than her fair share of household lucre). Health is good, my golf game is at a life time peak, and I am spending more time at the piano bench recently. In short, life in drab is fine.

The fab / femme stuff is stored nicely away. The attic is in easy reach, but for reasons that elude exact diagnosis, I just haven’t felt the pull. In a note earlier today to the editrix of the always entertaining Cross Dressers Girlfriend I suggested a few theories. They go like this….

  1. Seasonal. It gets warm here in Dixie. I need sheers over opaques to cover leg hair. Long sleeves and high necks are a practical necessity as well. This CD simply does not do the spring/summer season well.
  2. I filled my cup. My 6 month immersion in and service of Petra's desires may have (temporarily) satisfied her. Perhaps my batteries are charged fully.
  3. Short attention span. Where was I? O yes, I am prone to bingeing. Very satisfying for a while, but it leads to loss of appetite. For example, I will run into a writer I like, and in a gulp will devour his whole life’s work. About 20 years ago I read so much Gabriel Garcia Marquez that he began to read like an IKEA assembly instruction set. I think I binged out on Petra a little.
  4. Guilt. That my complete life is not completely shared with my wonderful wife of nearly 14 years is a problem. Continued service of Petra comes at the expense of something that is ultimately more important to me, as long as I am not open about it all. That feeling has a suppressive aspect to it I am sure.

Then I think of all the over-analyzing that goes into other parts of my life and wonder whether the effort at finding causality is worth it. Ultimately, its not. Things are just things.

So I have not dressed, over or under, private or public in a couple of months now. I do check emails daily, keep up with favorite blogs, and continue to make mental notes of the many expressly feminine displays of beauty I see in my day to day life. This alone seems to quench my low lying, dormant femme persona’s needs. For now.

Tides are inevitable though, if not predictable, and pink tides too I am sure. Some happy day in the future I will be wrestling with a back zip and an ankle strap. Who knows when. In the meantime, tides cannot be forced, and when they are upon us, are not to be fought off.

You continue to visit Voyages en Rose in flattering and persistent numbers. I am grateful, and hope that some of my musings are entertaining, or informative. I have taken much comfort from realizing just how strong our numbers are.

Your ongoing explorations and discoveries of your full selves continue to delight and inspire me. I truly hope that you are in a happy, peaceful place on your own voyage.

If you have any thoughts about Drabbaticals in general and how life is for you, I would be happy to hear about them here. Please leave a comment.

Friends in the academic world tell me that when they come back from their (much envied) sabbaticals they are refreshed and renewed and that they see things through new lenses, at new angles and in subtly new lighting.

I look forward to finding all that out and feeling from Petra’s perspective again. In the fullness of time as they say.

Happy dressing - Petra

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